I am not my presz self anymore. I am 100% different and worse so whats the point?
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Make my family happy by living a miserable life myself?
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I can’t talk about what I plan to do but once its legal here in a year or 2 I will do it.
I thought you were happy hanging out watching Netflix reading vaping and just chilling?
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Your point of living can change if you adjust your values. Before sz you were a smart high functioning guy so your values adjusted to success at school, friends, staying in good shape, technical skills etc. Now you have to adjust your values to post sz so start to value taking it easy, being with family, etc. You can still value friends and technical skills and stuff but if you dont adjust your values to what is realistic for you, you wont be happy.
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Thats not life, thats escaping life and being miserable.
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Adjust to what? Sometimes I am happy sometimes I am not. Adjust to being in bed 24/7?
I need to work and feel useful.
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I work and Im not happy. Sometimes I think i would like to go back to being on disability. I spent the whole day in my recliner chair back then. I didnt have serious negatives either.
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I also need to hangout with my friends and go to the gym. They keep asking me to hangout but I tell them I can’t bcz of sz.
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I dont know what to say. Youre sick dude. People get sick, but usually its a physical illness. In those illnesses people are thankful for everyday they have alive. You have a mental illness that is not deadly unless it makes you kill yourself. Youre sliding into the fatal aspect of the disease. Try to be thankful for every day you have.
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My friend is coming in from California on Sunday to visit.
I’m suffering terrible, crippling depression.
I’m going to force myself to get up and hang out and travel a bit with her.
Make plans, then get up and do them, no matter how much it physically and emotionally and mentally hurts. Suffer through it. That’s my plan. It will be very hard.
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The world just want me to suffer instead of ending it.
It is a cruel thing that sz happened to you and you have these negative symptoms, but theres guys out there who dont have sz and have nothing wrong with them who lay around all day and weigh 300lbs. Its a cruel thing because youre not a guy like that.
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I feel something is wrong with me as before sz I was much much better.
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That’s your choice. It’s your life.
I’m not condoning or encouraging suicide, but it’s your life, and you get to choose how you want to live it, or if you don’t want to live it at all.
Me, I choose to suffer, because I know that within my friend’s visit, for example, I’ll have some amazing moments. Definitely some laughs. A chance to be out in the world. Connection.
I am choosing to suffer with some other things I’m doing, too (which I’m choosing not to get into here, yet, but will eventually), because I want to accomplish things. That gives me a sense of satisfaction.
Today sucked. I couldn’t do anything. Tomorrow, I’m going to force myself to clean my house because I want to have it nice for my friend. And I deserve it, too.
You got dealt a shitty hand. So did I. I try and focus on things like having a roof over my head and food to eat and friends and family when things get really bad – because I could have this illness, and have it a lot worse.
So the choice, as I said, is ultimately yours. It’s your life. You get to do what you want with it.
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I tried to kill myself twice ended up in the emergency and my parents cried. My parents do everything for me, house me, cook for me, clean for me, pay my stuff, etc I am a 31y.o. baby. So I have nothing in my life other than them. I stopped trying to kill myself because my parents said they will kill themeselves if I kill myself.
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I’ve told you this many times on this thread – if you want something different, you have to do something different. If you’re convinced that nothing can be different, then nothing will be different. If you believe you were put here to suffer, then you will.
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I really think you’ll get there. I hope you don’t mind, but I’ll take over believing in you until you’re able to believe in yourself again. Can’t promise I won’t molest your sexy ankles, though.
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I wish I could manage money at least.
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