Carefree, fearless and independent!
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I never knew the name for it but was always different. Smart but after adolescents I was all over the place. Had trouble focusing on specific tasks. My talent for maths went downhill and my comprehension suffered in late high school.
I could work hard and had some manic energy. Busted my ass in some jobs till I came unstuck. First at 23 with a depressive break although I’d suffered similarly but not as intense in highschool.
Smoked a lot of weed from 23 on as it was better for me than prozac. My shrink knew I was doing it but that is the breaks. Became increasingly lonely and was trying to get through life but was struggling!
Didn’t have a name for it but erotomania, paranoid and major depression. Welcome to schizophrenia!
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I was a pig house shoveler and was rising up in the ranks to head shoveler when this cruel disease knocked me down. Now sometimes when I take a #2 I think back to my idealistic youth. Actually I was a college student and after years of going between meteorology and history I chose to take Meteorology as a major. I was struggling badly with math but believed in the ideal that "if at first you don’t succeed try try again.’ I would soon discover that when it came to college whoever made that slogan didn’t know what the Heck they were talking about. I was very shy, literally friendless, and a loner so yeah the prodomal phase was very real.
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From a Mar 26 post:
“I’m 64, soon to turn 65. I developed late onset schiz when I was in my early 40s. Back then I was worth a few million dollars after twenty years as a tech entrepreneur then schiz washed it all away, family and friends included, over a decade and a half and now I live on a old but nice but smallish boat cuz its cheap. Ive been able to return to work, never at my former level, but then I hurt my back and have to retrain. Stress is definitely a trigger. Accepting what happened to me has been the hard part…”
… And now I’m trying to rebuild my assets and my life. Fortunately, a little ahead on rebuilding my life.
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Before i got ill - I left school at 16 and started a Youth Training Scheme (what used to be YTS) and started work and got a job at the local council and a trainee IT support tech. This was the days of 386’s and Windows 3.1. And i was earning good money at 17 - had the suit - the briefcase - the works.
But i couldnt cope with the pressure and started not even turning up on my flexitime. This was the stage when i was probably Pro-dromal - Then my significant life-event happened a few years later when the the wife left with my baby. And at this stage i was too psychotic to realise i was ill. And i was a raging alcoholic (still am!)
Its only the past 6 years ive enjoyed life - all before that seems like a bad dream. I can think clearly now.
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I was only 16, so I wasn’t really developed, so will never know.
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Thanks for sharing what has been difficult for you. When I was full blown deeply psychotic I drank 3 to 5 bottles of wine a day over a ten year period just to dull the delusions and hallucinations, etc. Then diagnosis came and meds and I quit drinking cold turkey. That was tough… And then the positive symptoms dissolved over a two year period. Yes, @Naarai, alcohol abuse and psychosis go together.
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I drank a lot too to deal with my mind.
I didn’t realize for years that the alcohol was making me more psychotic.
Stopping was the best thing I did for my mental health.
I went to a detox and spent a month in a rehab.
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Yes your quite right. Ive been using substances as a piss poor coping mechanism for years. Be it lsd weed or the dreaded beer. But at 44 years old now - im getting therapy for my head.
Last time i had intense therapy was at a place called the Henderson Hospital in Sutton Surrey Uk.A live in community run CBT program. Thats when they thought i had a personality disorder and was seen by Pcychs from the Home office. But i got chucked out - cos guess what - i was drinking.
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@Naarai CBT can be good. Gotta get to the root causes of why you abuse alcohol and recreational drugs… if you’re going to be able to stop.
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No i dont do drugs anymore. And ive quit the beer so far this past few days. Ive got Psychologists from Manchester University giving me therapy soon on a 121 “hearing voices” clinic. So ive quit for now all substances. I dont wanna mess it up lol.
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I was a very happy, but shy and sensitive, kid. I got sick when I was 12, with a really deep and devastating depression. Then I was diagnosed with psychosis, and then paranoid schizophrenia.
I don’t remember a lot about how I was as a mentally healthy kid, except I loved animals and was very creative. I don’t think I’ve changed much since I was a child. Maybe a little more cynical and wary of the world around me.
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I was smart. I was a successful poet. I was playing many instruments. I was the funny guy. Now all these are lost
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I got sza very early in my teens so I don’t know but in my teens I was much more motivated than after my breakdown. I wanted to be an astronomer and then when that dream died I wanted to be an artist. Go to varsity but then I broke down and that dream died too.
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I did ok in school, but alsways had problems socializing and was depressive.
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Shy, withdrawn , physically awkward, a loner, clumsy ,
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Due to home life, I’ve always been strange. But I used to be a concert pianist and I’m not anymore. I’m not even motivated to play at all. I used to sing also. I don’t do that anymore either. I had lots of friends and only have a few now. I used to have energy and I used to be driven to succeed.
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I’ve always been a weirdo and had behavioural issues like chronic avoidance, being mute and I never listened to my mom. I dropped out of highschool and became depressed then I entered a short prodromal phase and bam I got sick. Funny thing is, once I got help for my SZ I got help for all my other problems then I became normal-ish? I travelled a lot, went to school, had an active social life, dated a bit, etc. Unfortunately, I regressed a bit a picked up my on old habbits/fears. Strange how things work out 
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I was always “sick”, since I was a toddler.
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It’s hard to tell for me when being dysfunctional/not being like my peers became an illness.
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