how did you behave? and what do you think was going on for you in a delusional state?
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Anxiety, paranoia, fear, panic due to aliens
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what scenario were you in with Aliens?
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They were watching. Nothing special
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I acted and talked pretty normally, even at the beginning at my worst. My suffering was in my head. Even when I was hospitalized for 8 months they would let me out for daily 20 minute walks to the store and nobody could tell anything was wrong with me.
I went on weekend passes all the time to spent two or three days and nights with my parents and we went to restaurants, or the bookstore or just about anywhere and no one gave me a second look or looked at me weirdly or anything. But I thought some pretty bizarre crap though I’ve never heard voices.
My hygiene was fine, I dressed nice and I could be on a crowded bus with no one knowing anything was wrong with me. But I was severely ill for about 2 1/2 years, that’s why I spent 8 months in the psychiatric hospital. I was fairly quiet, sometimes I talked a lot sometimes I didn’t. If I’m with family you can’t shut me up.
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Extremely paranoid, suspicious and hypervigilant. And because of all of that, verbally and physically violent. I felt that I was in a very dangerous and hostile world.
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I have a hard time remembering all of it. But I know there was a lot of time feeling like I was in a dream state. A lot of time doubting myself. Things didn’t add up and nothing felt right. I was suspicious. I felt separated from everyone else. And then being sza I had terrible depression off and on and wanted to kill myself most of the time. I tried many times, came close a few, real close.
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Lived in a fantasy world
Avoided people
Paranoid
Voices attacking me
Alien controlling my mind
Panic attacks
Severe depression
Self harm
Kind of going on now…the depression and self harm and mind controlling part
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I was incoherent and screaming gibberish. I lost a lot of weight and had to be fed as I couldn’t or wouldn’t feed myself other than beer. When I was finally hospitalized they were surprised I got that far before being taken to the hospital. I was living in another fantasy world. I took good care of myself visually though, as I always dress well and try to look good, so you wouldn’t know there was anything wrong with me unless you talked to me
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I thought I was in some sort of experiment or considered the possibility I am all that there is. Which is a fun thought for normies, but I was pretty convinced. Though two weeks ago I cut nine 3/4 inch deep cuts in my arm (changed my mind and went and got stitches, so is all good) because sz is bs and that was probably me at my worst. Not because of any delusion, just because I was very sick of not knowing, and figured if after death is nothingness -at least it’ll stop, and in a way not existing is an answer too.
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When I get off my med’s I get pretty bad. One time I thought they had a system at our assisted living center where they were giving the residents dilaudid, and I thought there were snipers out in the bushes. And that was one of my mildest breaks. One time I was on a walking path, and this great big guy went rolling past on his skates, and he said “hello”. I went ■■■■■you”. He went on a little ways, but he nearly stopped. I’m lucky he didn’t hit me over my head and break my legs. There were times when my behavior was really, really bad. That stuff is too shameful to talk about.
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loss of reality, don’t socialize much at all or can’t, low motivation, odd behavior
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At my very worst I wouldn’t eat or speak much and I paced a lot and was fearful of everyone.
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here is a snippet that i wrote for getting disability…
" had gone there while very paranoid and manic, initially to get tested for STDs. I broke out into a scene, and heard many things that did not exist, like people from where I had been working, bombs going off, kids playing, etc. I saw my mother come and tell me “the eleventh hour is not upon us” which in fact never occurred. I saw black dots everywhere. I thought my dad was an undercover friend of mine with a mask trying to kill me. Thought everyone was looking to kill me. I had not been sleeping for six or seven days. They pink slipped me to Northwest Ohio Pscychiatric Hospital. I had been experiening much mania prior to not sleeping and during my lack of sleep. I had been thinking that I was a prophet, had been paranoid that my father was dying of cancer, was paranoid of a living situation that was volatile and left me fearing for myself and my family. There is much context to all this, and more things to add of my paranoia and delusions and hallucinations mania etc"
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Very little memory during that time. Conspiracy theories, paranoia and hallucinations with suicidal tendencies is what I can remember.
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Not eating, drugged up on my overdose, unprotected sex with two random guys in the park at night, lying on the park floor waiting to explode or implode not sure which one, the whole night into the morning …it was mad, that was probably my worst night in terms of risk of danger to myself
oh yeah I was just in my underwear too out in public that night…
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Fearful, paranoid, and dangerous to myself and others.
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How were you danger to others?
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True hallucinations, fully formed, the entire world shifts and changes, the voices loud and demanding. Telling me I’m bohdisattva, the chosen one, filling my head with thoughts my insightlessness will believe. The walls breath and move, lines shift and move. The sky burns and chars around the edges, angels and shadows follow and watch everything I do. I physically feel gravity change, the wall is down, down is forward, my body both floating and falling. Bruising and marking my own body, specially making bright red marks on my third eye chakra. The angels taught me that to closer align myself with the divine.
I stop trusting everyone, and forget they arnt my enemy. Paranoia that everyone hates me and is actively against me. Sometimes carrying knives for defense, inside my own home.
I would lock myself in my room, with any drugs or drink I could get my hands on, self medicating myself to the point of oblivion, not eating. Urinating in bottles because I’m terrified to leave my room because the world isn’t ready for the chosen one, hiding for fear of what my mind believes what I am.
Days to a week I would spend, lost in this imaginary world of my own mind. I’m not inside this reality when I’m like that. My mind would always come out differently after a bad episode, with memories that I can’t explain.
That’s when it gets real bad, I’ve now a days made a crisis plan to go to the hospital when I get like that, instead of almost killing myself self medicating until I come back.
Sorry for the wall of text, thank you for reading.
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