What the hell? Out with it. Losing my mind

DX'd - Other
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My grandpa? Yeah, he’s fu cking dead. Gone from this world. We’ll never meet again in this lifetime. And what did they do with his body? The fu cking burned it. Cremated it. They didn’t even let me see him just one last time. One last time. They didn’t even take a picture. I want him back so badly. So badly that I’m considering looking into resurrection spells. Sure, he annoyed me sometimes, but he acted as the father that I should’ve had.

He wasn’t supposed to die this soon. We were supposed to watch all of Supernatural together. We were all supposed to move to the country. He was supposed to teach me to drive. He was always supposed to be there. He was never supposed to die.

And my mom’s being a grade A bi tch. She’s been using me as a punching bag this entire time. She believes that her grief is worse than mine because she knew him for 47 years. She told me as much. It’s her father, so her grief matters more. She’s being an ass hole. Oh, and I’m just supposed to accept this assholery because it’s part of the grieving process. She just yelled at us for no good reason, then called us back to apologize. Then, when my brother left, she got mad that I was mad about being treated like trash and passive aggressively said “goodnight, circle” as she told me to leave. She just wants to be left alone right now. And I’m somehow inconsiderate because she’s sleepy. Like bi tch, you’re the one who wanted to watch 8 episodes of The Good Place in a row, nonstop.

So fu ck her. She can run to her friends and cry to them and go out with them as I just sit here and cry to myself, because I’m allowed to cry, just not too hard or else she’ll yell at me to “stop the histrionics” and threaten to take me to the hospital.

I’m so fu cking pissed. I’m hallucinating now, just nonsensical voices, except for the one that says to run. That one might be onto something.

So anyway, if anyone knows any resurrection spells, then please enlighten me.

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This is probably the worst advice you want to hear. Your mother is going to be gone one day like your grandpa. She may be causing you a lot of trouble and grief but you will probably miss her when she’s gone and boy, our parents are gone way too soon. Me and my parents fought all the time when I was a kid and a teenager. I got along great with my parents after I became an adult. It’s easy to take parents for granted and not appreciate them for what they have done for you. Parents don’t know everything and lots of times she is just muddling through life just like you or me and she doesn’t always know what she’s doing but she’s probably doing the best that she can.

OK, now you can go back to hating her.

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I might sound rude here but it might be nice to keep personal details like this between your family instead of ranting about it.

Your grandpa lives on in spirit.
And yeah what Nick said respect your parents cuz you may never know when they will pass too

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I’m sorry about your grandpa’s passing. Both you and your mom are grieving. Try to be gentle with yourself and with your mom. Take care.

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Have a picture of him and put it on the wall of your room, next things will happen automatically,
Don’t forget to pray for him,
Condolences ،

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So Sorry for your loss circle. I hate the whole process afterwards. But time helps everything.

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Grief effects everyone differently and to different severities.

Its wrong of your mom to claim her suffering is worth more than yours.

But she’s also grieving. It’s still so wrong of her to take it out on you though. And it’s completely understandable to be angry with her.

I know its hard right now but time can heal.

As for looking for a resurrection… It’s not possible. Im saying this practice witchcraft and nothing can resurrect the dead. It’s important to avoid thoughts of stuff like that as it could drive you to delusion.

I hope you heal and find some peace soon @Sardonic

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I’m so sorry for the loss of your Grandpa. Nothing can ever replace him. You’ll hold him in your heart forever. I wish I could ease your pain. I can see you loved him very much. Try to take care of yourself the best you can to get through this hard time the best you can and know that it does get a little easier with time.

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Sending condolences, hope you all pass through this in one piece.

:frowning_face:

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I’m so sorry you lost your grandpa. Your grief is as strong as your moms. I don’t agree that you should keep this between family only. There’s a saying that a family is as sick as it’s secrets. I think you should get some counseling to work through this. Try to be understanding that your mom is grieving too and you both get to feel terrible, because losing a loved one is extremely painful. It’s natural to be upset, and even angry. A counselor will give you a chance to vent and can help you through the grieving process. Find a therapist who specializes in grief. Again, I’m so sorry you lost your grandpa.

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I’m worried about you @Sardonic. How are you feeling today?

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I’m sorry for your loss @Sardonic.

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I’m sorry for your loss too @Sardonic.

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@Sardonic

Oh, Girl. This is so, so heavy. Grandpas are amazing, wonderful people, and yours was a special one! You’ve had years together. And it wasn’t always perfect, but it was oh so meaningful!

The reality of death is you cannot bring him back to this earth. His time was over, his days were ordained.

Death is crushing. It’s devastating. It stings. It leaves us feeling like there wasn’t enough time, it shouldn’t have happened, there is supposed to be more, and longing for what could have been and what we think should be.

I wish you could have seen him one last time. I wish you could have taken a picture. I wish you had a say in his cremation.

The dynamics between you and your mom will be messy. You are both being forced to adjust to a new normal. There will be healthy and unhealthy responses to each other. You love each other very much. Love will win. I am hoping each of you can seek to understand the other, be moved with compassion, bear each other’s burdens, consider one another, and honor each other.

Please don’t run. It won’t bring back your Grandpa, it won’t help your mom care for you better, it won’t stop the hallucinations, and it won’t keep you out of the hospital.

  1. Can you organize pictures of you and Grandpa and make posters or a video for the services?

  2. Is there something special you have that was Grandpa’s or something he gave you that you can have and hold?

  3. Can you write a tribute to him and share it with us, friends, and family?

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Are you a girl @Sardonic?

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Yeah. I know that. It’s not like I just hit her with some stupid teenage attitude because I’m sad. I am sad, but I still do as much as I can to be with her, comfort her, just listen. But sometimes, she’s an ass hole, and it’s been that way for awhile, so forgive me if I’m tired of hearing about what an awful person I am.

You’re right. You do sound rude. You don’t know me. I tried it your way. I kept my grandpa’s business quiet and bore the brunt of my mother’s grief alone until now. My grandpa got admitted to the hospital 2 months ago, but started showing signs of cachexia about 2 weeks before that, and prior to that, he was doing fine other than a little bit of what we thought was age related dementia. But I don’t have any friends. Not offline, at least. I can’t just call up my buddy Sam and talk about my grandpa for hours, but I need that very badly. So I tried to put it on my friends here when the weight of my anger and grief became too heavy to bear on my own. But that wasn’t fair of me, was it? To expect them to carry me when they all had their own problems and responsibilities? And last night? Last night, I had had enough. I was so, so sad, so angry, so desperate. I wrote this post through tears and voices. Loud voices. And they wouldn’t stop. It just made me cry even more. I needed support. This is a support forum. It’s not like any of you guys know me, and even if you somehow managed to find me on some undeleted social media account that I’ve barely ever used, then you most certainly wouldn’t know my grandpa. The man couldn’t figure out how to use a flip phone. So tell me, why does it matter to you if I discuss the fate of someone who none of you guys know, someone who’s already dead, on an anonymous support forum for schizophrenics?

Anyway, I’m sorry for worrying you guys, really. I have an appointment with my pdoc tomorrow. They’ll probably raise my seroquel and give me more ativan (we left the ones we had in the garage and they disintegrated). I guess this is just the way things are now, because in my mom’s mind, her loss is greater than mine, and her mean behavior is justified. She lost her father, I lost my mother. I’m not happy anymore. I’m not sure I ever will be. That old man? He was my everything.

And his goddamn stuff is still all over the house. I wish he could’ve taken all of it with him. We haven’t even been back to his rehab place to get his remaining piles of stuff. His favorite clothes, his hair clippers, his dentures, his shoes. His goddamn shoes. He wouldn’t quit asking for his shoes. And his pants. He wanted his pants so badly. His stupid smartphone that we were teaching him to use. His blankets. His bed. We washed everything so it would be nice and clean when he came home. His coke is still in the refrigerator, his gross Folgers coffee is still on the counter, his mugs are still in the cabinets. His Navy medals and those worthless buffalo coins they sell to old people by tricking them into believing that they’re valuable, all of it is in his closet. The only thing that’s missing is him.

Necromancy is an abomination, isn’t it? We can’t just bring people back willy nilly. It wouldn’t be long before some idiot tried to revive Vlad the Impaler.

Yes.

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Fair enough post. Good luck. I think the other posters covered the advice and support.

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Yes best of luck.

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sorry for your loss @Sardonic, god bless you and your family

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I really can’t tell if you’re being facetious or not. People on here complain about everything, all of the time, and I post one grief stricken, hallucination-filled, late night rant about my no longer containable grief, and I’m the bad guy for defending myself?

I’m so confused. Am I being paranoid? Seeing conflict where there is none? To what extent are my grievances valid? How do I proceed? I’m not delusional as far as I know. Maybe I am. I don’t know how to respond.