Not my family, not my friends, not my peers. In fact, many people don’t seem to be interested in me at all unless they need something. As of 12:11AM central time (Chicago, USA), it’s been one month, 2 days, 21 hours and 57 minutes since the hospice nurse found him dead. No one, and I mean no one, asks how I’m doing about it. And I’m not asking for the world, here; I don’t know any psychics; but once, just once, I’d like to know that someone was thinking about my well being on their very own, without my goddamn help.
He’s gone. He’s really gone. I sometimes beg God to send him back. I beg him to come back. I figure, if God is truly omnipotent, then it’s possible I’ll wake up one morning and he’ll be here. It’s just a tiny little hope that I’ll have to abandon if I’m ever going to move on, but I’m not ready to let go. I truly thought I was, but I was wrong. I still feel like there’s a chance that he’ll return, healthy, and things will go back to the way they were…
I think I’m hearing sounds from hell. A child screaming bloody murder. Speaking, but I can only remember what she’s saying for a couple of seconds. Two more, one going “Mmm” and another saying… something, I can’t remember. I need to chill.
My grandpa. He lived with us. We talked a lot, watched TV and ate together, shared our sweets with each other, schemed to score fast food, lol. I miss him so much.
I can’t understand in a way of having experienced that kind of love, myself, but what I can understand is that you are telling the truth about your feelings and for them you have my condolences.
Oh I know, it’s so hard to watch everyone go on with their lives when someone you’ve loved dearly dies and it feels as if your world has stopped. I don’t know much of the situation, but perhaps your family is not ignoring you intentionally—it’s just that their worlds are still spinning & it makes it easy for them to forget that yours isn’t.
I’m sorry for your loss & having these feelings (especially those voices yikes). Can you find an e.g. grief counselor to talk to? Or some kind of group?
p.s. It’s ok if you’re not ready to let go! But it might be good to find some relief from your sadness.
I get it! My boyfriend passed two months ago and I think about him, dream about him non stop! I beg and bargain for God or anyone to turn back time, bring him back. I dreamt last night that his death was just a dream. Then I woke up and relived it all over again!
It’s not even that. I’m not expecting anyone else’s world to stop. It’s just that no one really cares about me unless it pertains to them. People seem to care about me out of guilt, not love. I told my friend (C) that my grandpa passed away and he gave me this stupid line about his girlfriend going through it and then went right on back to asking me to spend $50 on him and his family (and girlfriend). He only texts me when he wants my goddamn Netflix password. I told my other friend (D) that my grandpa had passed the day it happened, June 20th. On the 21st, she said “at least he’s no longer in pain,” and hasn’t spoken to me since, Neither my father or my aunt have responded to my texts. Fu cking deadbeats. There’s no room for deadbeats in the Navy.
Thanks for replying guys. I’m just so incredibly pissed off, and so, so tired… And hallucinating. Stupid voices.
I’m still on my mom’s insurance, which doesn’t kick in until August 1st.
I’m so sorry for your loss @Sardonic. I remember when I lost my dear grandma, on my moms side, when I was 23 years old, to cancer. It was one of the most painful things I’ve ever gone through.
I’m 59 years old now and I still remember it with a bit of grief. In many ways, it was just as painful as the loss of my son eight years ago.
My grandparents died while I was in my early twenties. I lost my Granddad who I was close to to Parkinson’s and my grandmother who I just met after decades of estrangement died quickly thereafter from Alzheimer’s. It’s no fun losing family. It’s also surprising how little certain people seem to care. I just move forward without him and count on my mom for family support.
I had a dream about my Granddad within a month of his death where he said he had to go somewhere but wouldn’t tell me where, then I hugged him and woke up crying. All this was before I got sick… neither of my grandparents ever knew me as a schizophrenic. Sorry for your loss, I hope you can move forward okay.
No, my grandpa was. I said it because I was so upset that my dad wouldn’t text me back, and for some reason, I decided to look up the word “deadbeat” and it said this:
That should be comforting! It’s kind of sweet! You should find a way to get that saying framed and put it in your house to remind yourself about that quote and your grandpa each day!
It’s hard to explain what kind of special bond with someone you have, and some people don’t try to.
I’m sorry that your grandpa passed.
I’m sorry that those close to you aren’t supportive.
I’m sorry that I didn’t reach out to you sooner
Now, you have my undivided attention, what would you like to discuss?
I think you’re young and resilient.
I think you’re brave and honest.
I think you’re kind and smart.
And, funny, too!
I’ve been ten times through your post,and,three times I wanted to post,but I’m afraid that the post would be too long,and that no one would like to hear about my feelings about death of near ones in my life.
I share your pain,and anger,because I can’t deal with deaths of near ones in my life.One is about my mother who died on my hands.It’s been September 2. seven years ago.I can’t deal with her death now,how I couldn’t 7 years ago.It’s been a long time,but pain didn’t go away.If it’s for anger of things you’ve talked about that you feel towards the others,it did,but I’ve never forgiven people for being such cold.I forgiven them personally,but still I don’t talk to them.
I’m 45 now,when people get older they tend to forget even when their loved ones died.I could never understand that too.
It won’t be a burden for me too listen to you If you PM me whenever you need too.My sympathies.
