This is the thread for people to express the pain they feel at missing the people in our life who have left us.
I’ve been really missing my dad lately, and I keep having dreams about him being back. I’m concerned, because back when he first died, these dreams eventually transformed into full-blown hallucinations where I would go out and think I had found him, then we’d have really good conversations about how much I missed him, and then I’d look away for one second, turn back, and he’d be gone. And I would realize I imagined the whole thing. I don’t want that to happen again. So I’m concerned with my dreams, but at the same time, I love them, because I get to see him again.
My dad and I were best friends. We owned a DJing business together, and we were awesome. He taught me how to make movies, and edited my creative writing pieces. We taught ourselves how to play guitar by reading chord charts online and watching video tutorials, and then raced to see who could learn a new song first. He taught me how to make a fire, and how to build rockets. He was physically disabled, and in constant pain, but he still kept a positive attitude and was always warm and welcoming to any of us kids or our friends who needed advice, or just a nonjudgmental ear. He always knew how to help me feel supported when I was going through stuff, and even though he had no idea about mental health resources, he tried his best to help me when I started developing psychotic symptoms. He was the one who got me to stop self-harming, by telling me how much it would kill him if anything happened to me, and how he’d never recover. I really know what he meant, now.
It’ll be thirteen years on the 31st since I lost him. He died slowly, and painfully. It was horrible to watch. Last year, I dealt with it a lot easier, and I thought I was finally starting to heal. This year, it feels like the first year all over again. I wish he could have met Mr. Star. I wish I could ask him advice about raising kids, now that I’m getting ready to be a parent. I wish we could talk about new bands we discovered, or that I could show him the new stories I’m working on.
My uncle was born same day and month with me. Not same age, not funny. I miss him sometimes i visited and had good days together. He died of cancer. I was mad then and yes i miss him
I’m so sorry to hear about your losses, @Ninjastar and @anon96660997.
Grief is a horrible feeling.
I’ve had some grief in my time, and I learned that no matter how much it hurt, I had to accept that I was feeling that way instead of trying desperately to bury it and feel something else.
I’m not saying wallow in it, but acknowledge that it’s there and it hurts and it sucks right now.
It will pass. It sometimes feels like it won’t, like it’ll never stop hurting or start hurting less, but it will. And sometimes there might be something that rips that wound right open again, but it will heal. Maybe never completely, but it won’t almost hurt as much.
i think of my dad a lot too, it was his birthday recently and i visited the garden of remembrance, it was nice to sit and i just felt closer to him there,
i didn’t write a card or take flowers but he wouldn’t have cared about that, what i did do was i polished his picture as i have a little shrine for him in my hall and i lit a candle.
he was a really good guy and i am still trying to make him proud, i feel he knows what i am doing and i know he would be thrilled at how i have progressed, he was always proud of me anyway, i also like to quote my dad when i can, he had a way with words.
@Ninjastar and @daydreamer
I’m so sorry you lost your Dads! They are special and often our biggest fans. They would be so proud of each of you and how caring and compassionate you are towards other people.
I miss my grandparents. I was always so close to them. They each died from cancer. I was with each of them when they passed. I was also the last person to speak with each of them before they died. They were married 49 years. My Pop-Pop died first. My Mom-Mom died 7 years later.
I hallucinated them for a long time. It didn’t go away until I was in counseling. It was bittersweet. I felt that I lost them all over again.
i lost my mother at 16 i spend years with alcohol and grieving then i lost my dad at 22 i still missing them and while times heals ,there is always a void in my heart.
i watch them on my dreams vivid as they as if they were alive.
i say my self that one day ill enter their dimension and well be family again.
i took my dads death pretty well, i was prepared for it but it was still a bit of a shock, luckily i got over it ok bc i had been going to Church and they talk about life and death all the time so it made it easier and the hope he is in a better place and i’ll see him again makes me feel good, I’d like to see our first dog again and go for a walk with them
There was an abandoned rock quarry behind my neighborhood, and my dad used to take us back there to launch our model rockets. We would make a day of it. We’d pack hot dogs, and cook them over an open fire, then shoot off the rockets and see who’s went the furthest. We named some of the larger rock formations, and made a fort. He taught us how to identify the poisonous plants.
The quarry has been developed into its own neighborhood now. It’s sad. It felt like losing a whole chunk of memories, because I can’t go visit it anymore.
Here I go being sad again. It’s hard. My dad was the greatest parent of all time. Better than anyone else’s favorite parent. He was always supportive, and understanding. He listened, and he didn’t always know what to do but he always tried, and never gave up until he got it right. When he got it wrong, he would admit it and apologize. He let me know he was a person, not some untouchable authority figure. I could go to him with any problem, and he would listen and not judge. He got me to stop self-harming. He was the first one to suspect I might be gay , and the only thing he ever said about it to me was, “You know, if you like girls, that’s okay too.” He helped me get through some really tough times.
It’s going to be hard raising kids without having him around to ask advice. I mean, he taught me a lot already, but it would be nice to be able to ask questions and call him when I’m overwhelmed.
I’m glad your father was always there for you, helping you through life. It must be so difficult without him. I’m so sorry. My dad was never like that. He gives us a phone call about 5 tines a year. The rest of his time is spent gushing over his new family, not a care in the world for us, the children he brought into the world and often neglected or even hit. I don’t know whar the point in telling you all this is. I guess I just needed to share. I’m happy that your time with your dad was joyous and special. I direct you to one of my favorite quotes, “din’t be sad that it’s over, be glad that it happened.” I’m so sorry for your loss. Never forget that you are loved.
Loss is such a hard thing. Ì lost my grandpa when I was 11 and 39 years later I still miss him.
I can’t even entertain the thought of losing my parents but they are in their mid 80s and I know their days are counting down. Both are in good health but things change in an instance.
Whenever I hear a grown adult talk about visiting their parents, or asking them for advice, or whatever, the less pleasant side of my brain gets super jealous.
She lost it after my dad died. I ended up raising my younger siblings, managing her mood swings, caring for our sick grandmother until she died, and working three jobs. After all that, she stole 8k from me (my entire savings) to go to a resort and then I ended up homeless. She’s always had a problem with my gender expression and sexuality. Yeah, strained is an accurate description.
Oh my God. You took care of your family so she didn’t have to, and you even took care of her, and after all that, she betrayed you, valuing a vacation over the welfare of her own child?? And on top of that, she didn’t accept you for you? I… I’m not going to say anything bad about your mom, because at the end of the day she’s your mom and it’s not my place… I’m just… shocked, and I’m sorry.
I didn’t talk to her for a year. Now, we keep everything very surface. I mostly only do it because of the lingering guilt I felt when I cut her out completely. Because what if she died too, and then I had no parents? Better her than no one.