Schizophrenia.com

I miss my Grandpa

It feels like he’s supposed to be here, like he’s missing, like he’ll be back soon. I miss him so much. I hope that one day, I’ll walk downstairs and he’ll be watching TV on the couch. The worst part is that I have no one to grieve with. My brothers and I just don’t have that sort of relationship, my deadbeat dad has gone radio silent, and when I try to talk to my mom, she just makes it about her (plus, she’s still treating my like actual sh it). My whole family treats me like sh it. I’m so angry. Sometimes, I wish I could die so that I can be with him, or that I could hallucinate him. I just want to see him. I want a hug and kiss from him. I want him back so badly.

Oh, and if anyone else feels that I should keep all of this quiet, then you can kindly fu ck off, because me not caring would be one thing, but I do care, and such words really do hurt me.

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I know 100% how you feel I miss my Pa too! He’s the only person who ever understood me and raised me to be a strong brave soul. I love and miss him so much!!!

Unfortunately that’s life. I lost my grandad at 11 and I have watched my nan live alone sad about it for 21 years now.

I lost my other Grandad 2 years ago, but I was actually glad he died. He was suffering from dementia and basically starved to death because he could no longer swallow food or drink fluids. Him passing ended suffering, so I understand in his case death had a function, and all the drugs they pumped him with were just making things worse.

But I still miss them, both of them. Your time will come soon enough. Don’t wish it away. I am sure your grandad would want you to live as best as you can and not feel this way.

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Damn. I’m sorry to hear that your grandpa died when you were so young. I only ever had the one. My dad’s side of the family is a bunch of deadbeats, except for my grandma, who’s pretty awesome. My grandpa died 20 days ago, so I suppose the wound is still fresh.

My family has all but abandoned me emotionally. Then, when I came here for help with both my grief and paranoia, I got attacked for asking if my paranoid feelings were correct, and for posting about “private family business” on a public forum. As if it were their place to decide how forthcoming I should be with my own information about someone who died. It’s not like I gave out his full name, military ID, debit card information, and social security number. Why the fu ck did it even matter?

People are always attacking me over stupud sh it, and then, when I defend myself, I’m all of a sudden being a paranoid, belligerent ass hole. Oh, but then people will get all offended when I ask if I’m being paranoid, as if I can turn my schizophrenia off when people don’t feel like dealing with it. Hallucinations are passive and involuntary, which means I have absolutely no control over them, so being scolded, no, I’m sorry, spoken to “emphatically” for not saying anything every time I hallucinate is not only pointless, but borderline idiotic. And when I speak, people just fu cking talk over me as if I need permission to voice an opinion. It literally happened just now. Every day, I just get more and more pissed off, because I’m tired of getting treated like trash, because I’m grieving too. Of course, as my mom always makes very clear to me, he was her father, and such sadness will always be much deeper than mine. But he was also my grandpa, and his loss created a hound dog shaped hole in my heart that can never and will never be filled.

After I was stabilized, we hung out every day while my mom was at work and my brothers were at school. We watched CNN and ate together. We always shared our sweets and snacks with each other. He always wanted to protect me. He even fell in love with Tink Tink (he usually hates cats). He always said that he was going to eat his meals “with the gusto of a hound dog,” lol. He always tried to make my life easier. He was always asking me to teach him to do stuff by himself. Using the dishwasher, making oatmeal, using the microwave; he would eat frozen dinners so that I didn’t have to get up and make him food, even though I was (usually) happy to do it.

I’m not going to lie; he did get on my nerves sometimes. A lot, actually. But overall? He was great. He was more than great. He was the best I could’ve asked for.

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My Granddad died when I was 24… he had Parkinson’s and it slowly ate him away. I miss him a lot. Then I got to meet my grandmother which was great because a family feud had split our family a long time ago but my Granddad’s death brought us together again… then said grandmother gets Alzheimer’s within a year and is dead within another year. Both my stepdad’s parents are still alive. I get jealous of that sometimes. They’re the closest things I have to grandparents now.

After seeing them both die I’ll be happy if Schizophrenia is the worst thing I ever get. Do you ever have dreams about him? I had a dream about a month after my grandfather died where I was with him in his apartment and he said he had to leave. I asked him where he was going and he didn’t respond. Then he hugged me and I woke up crying.

My paternal grandfather died before I was 3. I have pictures of me with him but no memories . My maternal grandfather died in 1988 , but I never met him.

As I’ve mentioned to you before, I lost all my grandparents already. My grandpa from my mother’s side was the last to go. I have fond memories of him. Out of 50 something grandchildren, I was one of his preferred. He’d spend our sharing stories of his life. I’d play song he requested and he’d be happy to hear them. During his funeral I played a song. It reminds me of him to this day. I still miss him as well as my other grandparents. I’ll always miss them. One day maybe you’ll look back and smile at the precious memories you shared with him instead of cry. Until then there is so shame in grieving. I’m not much of a hugger but I offer you an internet hug!

I didn’t have the greatest relationship with my grandparents because they were old and old school. They were in their late 70s when I was born and they were out of touch with kids by then. They died when I was 21. They were great people and I respect them but they always just watched on with this grin. They weren’t so involved with the children. And my grandad had dementia the last few years of his life.

On my moms side they died before I was born so didn’t even know them

I wish I could get to know my 5 grandparents better.

I’ll write more when I’m better, but know I am praying for you. I’m so sad for you. Your Grandpa was so special! I’m sorry I haven’t been here for support in the ways you need.

I miss my grandma (oma) she was the best ever. She was never hateful or judgmental, she loved to laugh. That was her thing. She was fun, loving and just easy going. She lived her life to the fullest. I hope to live a full life like she did. She died of renal failure. RIP Omi :sob:

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I miss my paternal grandpa, he was a kind man. Or well all my grand parentes are or has been. But he got a special place in my heart.

I know how that feels. I have no contact with any of them on my dads side. He killed himself when I was 3 years old, and his family cut ties with my mother. My second grandad was from my step dads first marriage - don’t ask! He was as good as real to me as I knew him since 5.

Sorry to hear that. I hope you can come to terms with it and stop feeling like you do right now.

Unfortunately the internet isn’t the best. I wouldn’t have expected that reaction from this forum. You lost someone, so you can get support here. There is nothing wrong with that. If some people behaved like that ignore them. I am here to talk, as are many others who have posted on this thread. A lot of people know your pain and should be able to help you get through this time.

I get this a lot too. It means I really don’t bother saying a great deal. I feel sometimes it’s my fault for not communicating properly, but sometimes it seems other people are not towing the line either. Doesn’t seem fair.

This is true, but a grandparent is still an important part of someones life. Now is not the time to start measuring how long you knew someone. I would try and forget about those comments, and disregard them as best as you can. She might not be thinking straight because she’s grieving too.

If there is one thing you have said that you need to keep thinking about is this. Memories of good times you had will be shared even though he’s gone now. The time we spend with people is what counts, you were there for each other.

I hope my comments have been useful. You’re not alone in this at all. It’s part of the human condition, and we all need to try and support each other through difficult times.

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Yeah my grandmother starved and dehydrated to death from alzheimers in our house. It was the most horrible thing I ever saw. In oregon USA the doctor can prescribe suicide pills but you have to put that into place while you are of sound mind. That’s what I want if I get alzheimers.

I literally had no idea it could do that to a person. It was shocking to see someone go through that.

They had no idea what exactly caused my Grandpa’s death. It could’ve been dehydration or starvation from cachexia, respiratory failure, heart failure, pneumonia; anything, really

I know how it feels when your family treats you like sh*t. I know this every single day.
You know, he’s still with you. He’s watching over your right now. He’s always taking care of you. He will be there when you are in pain. You can’t feel him, but he’s there- I truly believe that.
I know that my unborn sister’s here with me. My mom lost her in the womb and I’ve had a dream about a sister who died and I had to bury her. I thought it was a way of her saying, “I still am here!”
I think your grandfather will be very honoured to know that you are thinking of him.

They didn’t do an autopsy? What? Cachexia raises red flags…that mostly has an underlying medical cause. I’m not a doctor but I’m concerned. But, your grandfather is in peace now. Please do not worry and keep remembering him. Death is a hard thing. So hard. I’m thinking of you.

Oh, yes, I see that I never explained. He had metastatic small cell lung cancer from smoking. By the time they caught it, it was stage 4. There were mets everywhere. He was diagnosed three days before being so ill that they had to send him to hospice. No real need for an autopsy.

I’m sorry to hear that! My grandfather died from colon cancer and I’ve always wanted to know him.
My cousin is the only one who saw him pass away. She said that it was one of the most painful thing she has ever experienced, although she was young.

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I didn’t actually see him die, but I was the only one in the room when his death rattle started. It slowly lessened as his breathing got shallower. He died around 5 days(?) after it started.

I’m really sorry @TheCircleOfFifths. I still miss my grandparents. I was very close to them because my mom gave me to my great grandmother when I was a baby until 14. I spent a lot of time with them all, so when each passed it was heartrending. So I understand how awful it is. I don’t have good coping skills so all I can do is tell you to do your best.

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