i just got out a long stay in a state hospital. i am taking 80 mg of haldol and 30 mg of zyprexa. i was admitted in 2000. i was a long-term threat to myself. i am just now exploring how far things have come and changed. very few visits outside the hospital. i think i’d rather go back in than be out here in this scary world. anyone else on here go thru something liek that?
What is your living situation? Just take it in baby steps at a time with no huge goal efforts.
i am living in a group home for recently discharged patients. i have the internet and tv, but i don’t know anything about all the stuff that’s going on. i am very scared and overwhelmed. i just found out we have a black president. that is great, but i never knew that.
2 Likes
Not personally but I have a friend that spent most of his time in jail from age 12-22 and he was the same.
It’s called being institutionalized by the institution.
It’s perfectly normal and I don’t blame you,I sometimes think that life would be so much better if I was caged up with no worries but breakfast lunch and dinner with occasional visits.
i had a routine in the hospital. now i dont. i eat whenever i want or even not at all. nobody tells me what to do except meds time. i find myself just sitting in my room looking out the window. i heard some music the other day. it was so stupid and bad sounding. if that was me id be ashamed to call that music. this is really a new world. my social worker wants to take me to the super market. i dont think i am ready for that. everybody will be watching me. some life this is. i want to go back to the hospital is what i find myself thinking all the time.
Don’t think that you are weird or nothing man how you feel is perfectly normal.
I use to grocery shop at 3-4 in the morning because I just hate dealing with all the people.
Now I live somewhere where the grocery stores close at midnight and don’t open until the morning.
It freaking sucks I haven’t had a REALLY good home cooked meal in months.
Hang in there and when you are at a loss for understanding just check back here.
There’s lots of helpful people here,good luck.
2 Likes
thank you petester. i like the idea of grocery shopping in the early hours. that is when i am most awake. i wonder if my social worker will go with me at those hours? you are very helpful. thank you for talking with me. i used to cook wonderful meals by myself for my ex-wife. she’s gone now. left me and took the 4 kids. now i have no one to cook for, and i just microwave all my food. i dont even care.
It is scary getting out of hospital after a long stay… the routine and insulation of the hospital makes life easy…
The hospital made life very bite sized… nothing was too jarring… it was all very routine.
It’s easy to get used to that.
When I got out… it was a tidal wave of no routine… no filter… It was very overwhelming. Every time I’ve gone it… I’ve hated it… but then when it was time to leave… I was scared to walk out the doors.
Your not alone… I’m glad your in a place where there are other people around.
Be kind and patient to yourself and don’t get too down on yourself for feeling behind. You’ll catch up.
Good luck… and welcome to the forum.
1 Like
thank you surprisedj. i used to be very outgoing and loud. now i sit and ponder the pattern on the floor. maybe thats all i have to do is wait and adjust. i got out friday night and now its sunday night and here i am. every time i look up, no exaggerating, i see something new to me. i was totally isolated in the hospital and was more drugged up then than now. hard to believe i guess. my therapist tells me i need a hobby. maybe i should do model cars. i used to love assembling those things.
1 Like
About three years ago… some deep negative symptoms hit me pretty hard… along with a nice high dose of Seroquel… and I pretty much shut down for while.
Life passed me by… the sun rose and set and I had no connection to it… or part of it. I don’t think I was Cationic… but I feel like I was pretty close.
When the meds got cut back and switched up… and I ended up in a different apartment and some family moved in with me… worked with me… don’t forget the therapy…
little by little I really feel like I was starting to wake up… and had to catch up.
I didn’t know how to take care of myself very well… I didn’t talk much… I didn’t have much confidence… but little by little it did come back.
being on here gave me ideas of how to self advocate more… the conversation helped me a lot… I learned how to small talk again…
I’m glad your here… and finding something you do enjoy will help.
i like your icon surprisedj. i love animals. probably more than people. no animal has ever been mean to me, but plenty of people have been mean to me. and thats sad. when i was taken into custody 15 years ago, i was slammed violently to the ground put in crushingly tight handcuffs and berated by the cops. i wasnt hurting any one. i was just walking up and down the street yelling at the people in my head and i was talking back to them. i wasnt hurting any one. i would stop in the middle of the park and yell at the sky because thats where the alien voices were coming from. why did they have to be mean to me? any way, people tell me to no longer focus on the past, and i am working hard on doing that. i dont know much about many things, but i dont hold a grudge really against any one. i appreaciate people on here talking with me. i enjoy the conversation. staff here just keep to themselfes and dont interact with us much. i need to learn the art of socialising. for 2 years i only spoke when i was injected with medicine.
3 Likes
Take it one day at a time Jim. I’ve been where you’re at. Finding it challenging to deal with society is normal at this point for you. Slowly start socializing more and maybe look for some volunteer work or school to if nothing else occupy your time constructively. Good luck!
I used to struggle with adjusting to life. One day I decided I would make life adjust to me. 
Welcome to the forum!
10-96
2 Likes
im not sure what you mean pixel. i dont understand. can you please explain.
also what does 10 96 mean. im sorry. the internet is so much different than 2000 when i was last on it.
1 Like
Welcome jimswag. There are plenty of posters with good insight and advice to share here. Maybe trying to find a hobby or pastime you might enjoy would help. Best wishes.
Wow. Maybe a copy of this would help: Stranger in a Strange Land - Wikipedia.
I say so because if you read it with an awareness that you do not have to try to live up (or down) to the expectations of the Krazy Kulture out here, it may help you become one who can walk beside the insanity without become part of it.
I actually envy you in a way. You can start life all over again without dragging all the usual baggage around.
“Easy Does It” and “One Day at a Time.”
1 Like
That’s honestly an extremely interesting situation you’re in. All and all I’m glad you’re back to being able to learn the world again. Before you had to go to the hospital, what’s the last song you remember being popular?
One day I realized I was making myself miserable by trying to live up to an ideal that was impossible. You can’t be someone other than you. I decided that I would just be the best version of myself that I could instead.
10-96
2 Likes
10-96 is the Ten Code police, emergency personnel, and the military use for mental subject. As in, “we have the 10-96 in custody.” It’s a bit of self-depracating humour I use when I sign my posts. A signature of sorts.
10-96 a.k.a. “The Mental Subject”