What is the worst thing about this whole illness

DX'd - Other
21

Sounds like my life

22

Having itā€¦ā€¦ā€¦ā€¦ā€¦

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23

You see the best part about it is that the voices only act on your life and mostly your history. You canā€™t be accounted for the things you did in your childhood so they are just a contradiction of their illness because if the voices start at age 14 for most then what is there to shame about.

24

What do you mean?

Iā€™m confused, bit slow here

25

The voices donā€™t have control over your life.

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26

The fear of relapse and psychosis. If the meds were a guarantee I wouldnā€™t mind having this illnes, but knowing I can relapose and lose all that I worked for again drives me nuts.

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27

I hope youā€™re right haha!!

28

Intrusive thoughts phobia of celebrities reading my mind, panic and anxiety attacks

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29

Do you mean relapse even whilst on meds?

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30

Yah, hasnā€™t happened to me yet but is my biggest fear

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31

I can so relate to that concern, yea

Hopefully that wonā€™t happen to us though

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32

The cognitive problems that have plagued me since the illnessā€™s onset.

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33

What do you mean by cognitive, is that like focus and memory?

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34

Yeah. My short term memory is shot. :frowning: A psychologist confirmed that with a test. It wasnā€™t the greatest before I got sick, but I could still memorize a decent chunk of patterns before they stopped being shown to me and I had to guess their order.

I wonder if itā€™s because Iā€™m constantly thinking about my illness and its implications for my lifeā€¦ like my mind has no space for anything else. That zaps my focus as well.

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35

Stress can have an impact on memoryā€¦

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36

For me, the worst thing is the way it affects those I love. I could have been such a good wife and mom; I had so much potential. I love them so much and hate how this has hurt them.

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37

I know what you mean it feels like we could have done betterā€¦

BUT considering circumstances Iā€™m sure you do an amazing job :yellow_heart:

38

Thatā€™s sweet of you, but I am admittedly doing a crap job. I donā€™t leave my room 99% of the time, so I donā€™t spend much time with my kids, and my husband is left handling the household. Now, I donā€™t even want to leave on good days because of my TD. My husband has to watch me do bad things like cut myself when Iā€™m upset (which I havenā€™t done in about a year- yay!!!), and heā€™s just doing the best he can under the circumstances. My kids donā€™t know whatā€™s wrong with me. They think itā€™s my back and knee that keep me in my room.

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39

Good going for not cutting for a whole year, that shows real determinationā€¦

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40

Itā€™s definitely the depressive part of sza that hits me the hardest. The thing that gets me is the doc always wants to hear what my trigger was before I get depressed. Drives me nuts that usually there isnā€™t a trigger. People assume Iā€™m just an unhappy person but thatā€™s not true. I admit when I feel the depression in a physical manner then I may ruminate on negative thoughts. Oh well.

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