I even dont want to talk that my meds in the evening mess with my mood I guess. They are depressing for couple of hours… But in the day, I feel a bit better I find than without them. But ive lost so much, I am already 35 years old… What if I get stable too late? I have only my mother now who starts to get old and she talks about her death already… Its a frightening thing to know that ill recover too late… Anybody else who worries about this? Maybe I dont need this worry, idk… But its natural to want to have a life again and not a life of a dog…
My mom keeps saying that if I get better it will be too late. But the poor she, I destroyed her dreams about me even though its nobody’s fault…
take care people
Late is better than never, right? At least you could get in a little happiness before you take your last breath.
yeah… there’s no other idiot who spent 2 decades between four walls. I am not mad about this right now but its just sad… I feel alone in this struggle. It will be a disabled life I guess but maybe its the case for most of us here. My social fears are a big thing… Plus the depressive heaviness which I feel and which makes me sit here on the coach…
Ill be an old woman when Ill be in my fourties. My body is damaged already because of the passivity. I missed all my youth and I dont exaggerate. all my youth and my childhood…
2 Likes
Anna, I know this probably has been said before, but it sounds like you have a toxic family.
I just read this article the other day and it is a hard thing to read, because I just began to realize I may have had one for quite a while but haven’t realized it til recently.
It’s very difficult and sad to deal with though…
And no Anna there is another idiot who spent more than 2 decades between four walls and that idiot is me.
Thanks for the message Genbu but you know, I am not pink either… I hated my relatives for very long time because they were hard. I had thoughts of aggression towards them so I know that its me who need to change now… My mom helps me with every activity almost. she supplies me with food also while she is very weak too and sad that I get angry to her sometimes still… They are hard but they cannot change anymore. I dont want to hate them anymore, you see?
were you really in isolation for all these years you too? Yeah, its terrible but I guess there are other bad illnesses in the world too, a whole other bunch of unhappiness out there…
1 Like
sorry for my whining too… MY mom says its very unpleasant feature of mine now 
.
It’s okay to get mad at them sometimes.
I get mad a lot about how people are now. But you can just forgive yourself because it is understandable.
I know I don’t want to hate either. It just takes time.
This song I used to listen to a lot when I was younger because I would get pissed with everyone a lot. Especially my mom.
And I don’t want to feel this overwhelming hostility!
Bah! It’s okay to whine. No need to beat yourself up for being human.
What did you do in those days for all these years genbu? Me, it was mostly internet, yay…
Same. Internet.
Well, that and I had played an online game with my brother. We played for a very long time. Like over 10 years almost.
It was fun, but not productive. Not really what I wanted to do.
You can say all you want about how much time you have wasted in this life, but until you draw your last breathe, you can still make something good in this life.
My question to you is, what are you waiting for?
The road to “better” isnt a sudden u-turn, it’s more like a gradual incline.
Maybe a little slow and uncomfortable at first, but with diligence, you will eventually peak at the highest point, then you will coast into your hopefull destination.
I was so isolated growing up that when I married a man forever on the go, it was an ugly rude awakening, but I was forced to go along and gradually I learned how to enjoy it.
Then I thrived going places, and now that I no longer go anywhere, I still have all those experiences to talk about.
Looking back now, I’ve realized those experience were the highlights of my life.
I am in bad state csummers, you wont understand i think. I cant even love now. What can i do - marry, work? Nothing will work if i am like now, i am sure of it… i struggled till my twenties, its not like i didnt struggle… i need from my meds to help me a bit more now. At home, i do everything to get better. Maybe ill start to go out one day…
40 is the new 30 right?
One of the problems of not going out, or whatever one’s individual fear is, is you don’t get a chance to have a positive experience to help counteract that fear.
It’s more likely you’ll get better in your 50’s.
1 Like
Oh yeah gina, you are tough… I wouldn’t wish this to anybody. 50 is too old…ill be a wreck then-physical mostly etc etc. sorry to be mean now but ive been in hell now for too long. it should get better faster…
1 Like
I’m sorry, but I was still very, very psychotic and sick all throughout my 40’s. It didn’t start to get better for me until I hit my mid 50’s. And I’m afraid that is the usual story. Fortunately for me, I was in great physical shape at 55 because of my long history of doing yoga. If you exercise regularly, and keep your weight down, you should do alright.
No, its not the usual story. Nature cant always heal the schizophrenia. Dont you think meds can help? I think they help some. I am ill since kid, idk for you. And being ill like this since kid, I think its really time to change now, not later…
Yes, I know that meds help, I’m living proof that they help.
I wanted to say that the maturity comes for me now. I hope it wont take time till my fifties… I have nothing in life Gina! I lived two decades where I wasn’t seeing almost anybody.I lived in 4 walls for all this time. so I think that I need to change this now. I am dumb now when I write all this but ive already suffered quite enough. Plus, I am not sure that nature helps the sz in my case.
If there is a mood component to your sz, nature just may help with time.
Idk… I think per moments I have some bad personality features already in fact. Like jealousy, anger etc etc… But despite this, I cant imagine another 15 years like this, no…
but I see what you are saying, ok. We make peace with time maybe…
2 Likes