I remember when the doc told me I have OCD…well, what can I say…I expected it…
Nothing changed. It was just words. It had no effect on me. My life went on.
At first I had no idea what that meant. I was sort of like… “What does that mean, and does that change anything in my life right now?”
I was having a lot of problems all my life. My parents have mentioned that an incident when I was 5 was most likely my first psychotic break. I was ADD, ADHD, hyper, PTSD, Schizoaffective, and on up to Sz. So when I was off illegal drugs, alcohol, and finally stable enough to be diagnosed I was already sort of confused to what just happened to me.
Then I was sat down with my family, holding my hand, and a doctor had some “serious” news for me… Then he spoke and I didn’t understand a word of it.
All I knew was I was still crazy.
They must be wrong. Sure I was going through a rough patch but it couldn’t be that. Anything but that.
So you already knew schizophrenia right? I know many people who never heard about it in all their life…
Then did you accepted your condition? To me has been a little different with OCD…
I mean, you were totally aware?
I think what you are asking may be hard to answer and different for everyone. Mental illness aside, not everyone is totally aware of what makes them act or react certain ways.
I think I remember you mentioning that with your OCD that sometimes it’s hard to tell what is happening. So even though you know that you have OCD there are still times where you may not be aware that you are being controlled by your OCD. Accepting that you have OCD doesn’t mean that you will accept other people telling you that most of your actions are because of it.
Bang! Right there. Bang… I know I’m Sz. I accept that now. But I STILL hate it when some family members say… Oh, your not angry because I didn’t pay you back the money I owed, your angry due to your SZ.
The people hanging out in front of your place is obviously part of your paranoia, not the fact that you live near a path to the beach.
Your itchy skin is a part of your SZ, not the fact that your getting chicken pox… I did get chicken pox.
It even makes me doubt when real problems are arising because… will I be taken seriously? Or will it just be shoved off on SZ?
Some problems in my life have gotten bigger then need be because I was afraid to say anything because I was sure it would all be swept onto the Sz rug.
An ex-girlfriend broke into our apartment and I was afraid to report it because I was sure I’d be told “That’s just paranoia.” But no, an ex-girlfriend really did break in and steal money.
i have not been diagnosed as a schiz…they try their hardest but it’s just not happening lol. it all depends on what u tell the shrink and i’m not stupid enough to tell her what they want me to. i’ll tell a hypnotherapist but not a shrink. evidence first, help later.
I knew something was wrong. I had been dealing with it without treatment since I was 20 and functioning okay, but something broke in me when I turned 30 and I finally sought help. The past two years have been pretty bad when major depression hit me and it took that long for a dx - SZA. Some days it all makes sense and I agree with the dx and I can see the hallucinations as what they were. But other days, like today, when everything seems alright, that I think pdoc must be wrong and I was making it up in my head. I have to convince myself to take rx because if I don’t I’ll be right back in the psychosis.
Thank you to all guys. I appreciate every answer from you because you’re all very kind and helpful with me ^^
Barbie, you said right, sometimes it’s hard to notice if your behaviour is dued to your mental illness or if it is really from yourself (I hope to have made myself clear).
I also hate when everybody say that I have obsessions just because I have OCD…it’s not important what me, myself is really thinking
when they diagnosed me with sz I was in shock and denial, but knew something was wrong, so gradually accepted it.
I didn’t care. Whatever made the pain stop, I was happy to do that.
Shock, denial, regret, fear, shame, … I was totally fine accepting that I was just a bi polar pot smoking anxiety ridden anti social … then bam… you have sz… and I can still hear my conscience going what… me? No…
Not me… what… no!!!
Then thoughts of… should I ever date again
Who’s going to want a depressed sz man…
Who’s going to accept me…
Do I even deserve to get married or have kids someday…
I seriously think I’d be better off still thinking I just had bi polar and anxiety … I was still on an anti psychotic …
Moved to Diagnosed.
(Wearing moderator hat)
I knew they were calling my mind and feelings being screwed with schizophrenia.
The meds shut my mind off in certain ways so it could not be used, like a hi-jacked radio station.
I went off meds and was fine for months on end after the first hospitilization but they came back again.
They can tap the mind and feelings and do what they wish with them.
I felt like someone hit me over the head with it. it was like a blow.
the pdoc didn’t seem to care about me in my eyes anymore.
it was pretty awful hearing the dx.
At first I thought it was fine because my mom had it too, and she is doing fine, but she didn’t get it until her 50s. When I read a book my dad bought for the family to read about schizophrenia afterwards, and found out that something like 75% don’t get more than $20k a year, and that most struggle to keep their sanity, I flipped out. Especially realizing that many end up in shelters, hospitals, or jails, I became pretty hopeless.
I second nick. My life went on.
i think i was just happy to have a diagnosis just wasn’t expecting that one.