I was happy because I was diagnosed bipolar, before, and I was working extremely stressful telemarketing and nursing jobs that I could NOT handle. Being diagnosed sza meant that I could apply for SSDI and get out of the workforce and my stressful careers.
Didnât think Iâd ever end up in jail, but, somehow I did.
Yep I knew it was coming
I kind of wanted the diagnosis, for the alternative seemed to be that I was under the influence of supernatural beings - and it didnât seem to be going to end soon. I figured that if this was a psychotic condition rather than some supernatural phenomenon there was at least the promise of treatment. So I had reframed my interpretation of it all already before going to see a psychiatrist. My psychiatrist was kind though, he let me choose whether we would call it schizophrenia or psychosis, since the former might sound scarier. I bit the bullet and just went for his dx of paranoid schizophrenia. So my reaction to the diagnosis was one of relief really, I was ready to get some help in fighting whatever was going on.
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I replied âNo, I donât think so, I donât want to be schizophrenicâ
After my first hospitalization I didnât believe the diagnosis and went off my meds, telling myself I had just had a mental breakdown. boy was I wrong. seven months and two more mental wards later, I believed my diagnosis. I was relieved because until I stabilized I was in living hell.
Was mainly psychosis that was the big shock to me. Very much cushioned by the time the pdoc said sz. Although totally clueless when the pdoc mentioned negative symptoms of sz. I had no idea what that was about at the time. I do remember that. well. I just went completely blank.
Took me almost two years to accept it.
sometimes i still feel its something supernatural going on.
I have always taken the meds though