I remember about the first 10 years how shame dominated my way of thinking. I felt less than everyone else just because I had this diagnosis given to me. Shame to me is kind of a vague idea. But I’ve learned that it is not a good idea for one’s self-esteem to feel this way so I’ve worked hard to think more positively about myself. I may have a sz diagnosis but that doesn’t mean I can’t pursue the goals I have and to achieve what I want to achieve. Shame just hasn’t worked for me. How about you?
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Im the same simplejeff. Its dominating my days all the time. The endless im not good enough.
Im still trying to get through it, seven years after first episode of psychosis. I try very hard, but it still remains for now. And im not gonna blame others for it, im just gonna have to be more self aware in order to try to deal with it
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It affects me still after 13 years having this diagnosis:( I was working with a psychologist the past year and a half and things changed just very little. I want to be free from it. I feel it would be good to me to release some shame.
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I don’t feel less of person due to psychosis but due to mistakes I did growing up.
I am disheartened when people around me bring up mistakes I did years ago. Makes me feel scared of their intentions.
You are being unfair to yourseld if you hold onto shame. It stops growth. You don’t standup for yourself.
I ended up ignoring my needs. Didn’t do things I wanted to do. Because I did some things wrong growing up. It was as if I was punishing myself.
There is more of feeling of handicap due to mental illness. You start becoming aware of things you can’t do.
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What I hate is the shame just inforces the stigma that I feel about myself.
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I guess I am to the point where I try not to share too many details with my friends and family unless they really are interested. I probably wouldn’t want to hear about the difficulties of chemotherapy or open heart surgery from some of them. Life goes on.
I think though that I sometimes embarrass myself on Facebook by posting things that I regret later. I think some of my posts are a bit off the wall and I think many people have unfriended me. It’s also especially hard to have political conversations with others because everybody has their own beliefs and delusions about such things.
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I am well known as a schizophrenic round here. And why do i tell them? Cos its nothing to be ashamed of that’s why.
I have had my fair share of arseholes round here, that are quick to call you a benefits scrounger - yet are total hypocrites, cos they spend there days in the bars all day judging other people.
Alot of them actually, are jealous you get disability benefits - cos they have to work for it. Well i say to them, You have my head at 3am in the morning - with screaming voices in your head - and see how you deal with it. They would shite themselves.
Your always going to get the un-educated idiots.
Laugh them off people x
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@Naarai I am dreaming to to that too. I just know my mum will be so hurt.
I had a lot of shame and guilt as a result of what the hallucinations brought up. Then there’s the shame of antipsychotics and the knowing your sick. So at least starting this depot I feel a little better about it.
Now I can say what antipsychotics, I don’t take any, well orally that is lol. Trying myself to be positive!
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I honestly feel no shame whatsoever from having sz as its a only a health condition.
It was contracted from trauma and outside conditions that I had no control over.
If I’d committed a terrible crime or done something seriously wrong as a schizophrenic then maybe I would.
It is hard to climb if one to goes from the top part, down to the bottom. Yes, is hard to build up positive feelings.
I grew up knowing I’ll be succesful. It was in my bones and around me, my highschool friends and class mates.
My ex classmates are succesfull, except one that is disabled as well.
So first I am ashamed fir not being a succes. I had my moments, but I am all down. It is a very humbling experience.
Than I am ashamed I am not being able to act and react as I used to do. Yes I do cover Sz.
And yes I am ashamed of having Sz. So depressed by it.
My life has 3 stories: prior psychosis,during the psychosis-I figured it out it took me like 2 years -and after hospitalization, when I woke up.
I am not ashamed of my life prior of psychosis.
I am ashamed of some things I did while manic- psychotic.but also proud of some.
I am ashamed I feel depressed, low energy, and not healthy after hospitalization. Nothing to be proud of so far.
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I stopped having shame over having SZ decades back. Waste of energy that can be used for better things.
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