Im similar to jonathan2, mostly i thought it was just what youd expect of “insanity” in the traditional sense. I guess since then it hasn’t changed for me. The only difference is that previously i thought it was psychological and could be amended by things like therapy. Now however, i know its not.
I didnt really understand the medical side of it. Even though i was surrounded by sz and psychotic people regularly before getting unwell the first time. I just thought ‘crazy’ i think back then. But now im much more educated about it since having it for 13 and 1/2 years.
I do suspect my ex had paranoia. He for example would suddenly draw a knife and say a random stranger was stalking us. Or if I accidently looked a man in the eye on the streets, he would be convinced I knew him and had sex with him, when we were far abroad in a place I never even visited. I mainly thought: wth are you doing. You frighten me. And you act weird. Stop it. I was puzzled and confused, wondering what was wrong. I dissociated and went into survival mode. I wanted to reach and help him.
It would have helped a whole lot, if I had known what was wrong. I think he didn’t even know himself though.
Now, psychotic people do not frighten me at all. I can be a lot more kind and understanding to them.
I just started thinking that the whole world knew who I was, I never questioned it…after my first psychotic episode I thought it was just a “nervous breakdown” and unfortunately stopped taking me meds…allowed me to be insane for the rest of the year and it was enough to give me a good book to write…that’s the only good that came from it…once I realized that my mind had been lying to me I got really angry at first, then depressed.
I had no idea. I got insidious onset. I just slid into major psychosis over a week or so. I thought I was ok and there were all these other things going on but I was floridly psychotic looking back on it. When I was told it was probably sz I thought I was developing multiple personalities. I was totally clueless.