I remember I thought simply that schizophrenics are bad, stupid, at the same time geniuses who could murder if they’re having a breakdown. Overall before my SZ, I thought that people with SZ are dangerous human beings.
I believe I had this mindset, because my parents grew up in Soviet Union and it’s was the popular opinion about schizophrenics back then.
People were thinking that if someone does something horrible or a crazy thing - you can call this person schizophrenic.
And when I first saw my unoficiall but still, diagnosis, I was literally scared. I thought it’s either karma (and I will become even more crazy everyday)) or they’re lying to me about this diagnosis, or that doctors were incorrect.
Societal stigma made it even harder to accept what I was going through. I am happy I read a lot and made my conclusions about SZ.
I knew the term SZ, and I knew that these people hallucinate, but what I thought is that SZ is the worst illness to have.
In Lithuania, I believe also in other countries there were an opinion that dictators like Hitler or some other had SZ, that’s why they were paranoid and unstable and also bad.
If I’m honest after I learned I had it , I found a lot of articles about it and i really went into a spiral of trying to convince the docs I didn’t have it. That’s what led to multiple diagnosis.
Oh, my acceptance of illness is still bad, I do understand you a lot.
I remember I also tried to convince my doc I have 0 psychotic symptoms…
but at the times when I was really unwell, I was more honest.
Also the mental test I did showed that I have problems with my thinking…
Whats strange for me; is that SZ can never be seen with naked eye. We feel bad, sometimes terrible in our heads - but most of the time it cannot be seen
Sounds like a good life busyness is one of the best things
I personally was always thinking about not so “casual everyday” topics xd
Till this day I spend many hours a day thinking about things which are tabu, not influenced by me or overall strange(I know it’s a waste of time but my life seems too boring to think about)
Before I knew what was happening to me I thought I couldn’t be schizophrenic because I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Cause my only knowledge of sz was bad movies/shows with an sz murderer.
I had no idea about mental illness. I was a happy go lucky person. Used to interact with lot of people freely. But, there was a devil lurking around the corner which I did not expect to come out. It came at the wrong time and wrong situation. Then life went downhill. Still it is down. Trying to get up from the 10000 feet cliff fall is what I am experiencing right now.
I was always fascinated by Schizophrenia. Felt sorry for those experiencing it. I had an improper idea of what Bipolar was, though. I thought it was just rapid through the day mood swings. As someone who is now diagnosed with Schizoaffective (Schizophrenia and Bipolar type 2), I definitely know better now.
I always used to say, “at least I"m not schizophrenic”…it was my worst fear…and then it came true…I thought my life was over after I stabilized. Acceptance of sz is very hard…I hope you come to accept it.
I had an idea of what it really was. I read a couple of books about it and that’s where I got my knowledge about it. And a friend ours got it and died because of it so I knew his story. I was interested in psychology and found Mark Vonneguts book fascinating. It was about him becoming schizophrenic and his slow descent into madness.
I didn’t really think about schizophrenia a lot. I guess I associated schizophrenia with murderers like anybody else. Our friend who had it was a tragic case. When he was in his teens and early twenties he traveled around the country living in communes or couch surfing or living in his car. He used to visit us periodically and stay a few days or a week and sleep on our couch or bring this own sleeping bag and sleep on the floor. He liked to go to nearby orchards and pick walnuts and almonds. He was cool and a real nice kid.
Then he surprised everyone and got married and had his own kid. He settled down a little but then things started getting weird. He stole a car and was arrested and he got into trouble with the law over other things. His parents were worried. I remember they came to our house with him and they talked to my parents about him for a couple of hours. This was right before I got sick myself and I felt bad for him. Then finally his body was discovered in an orchard up in Oregon. He was found in winter sitting on the ground leaning against a tree. He wasn’t wearing a coat and he had frozen to death. It was all very sad. But that’s what I knew about schizophrenia.
I didnt know what schizophrenia was. I learned about the word anxiety first. I learned about it on the internet when I was 20.
Mental illness was not talked about in my household.
busyness is one of the best things
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