True that man… the day I went insane I went out to my garage and did nothing but smoke cigarettes for about 3 days while I was totally alone out in the country and had the worst telepathic argument with pretty much everyone I knew about myself… it was the ultimate scolding I thought and they were wanting my death…
I didn’t trust my sis or brother in law… they lived upstairs and I lived downstairs… I play tony hawk HD while laughing endlessly as I did start out as being on top of the argument…
Then I really lost it somewhere… drove to the town I had lived in prior… ah all the insane memories are still there… I had a raging psychosis for 2 weeks of near total isolation… then boom… it really broke even further… kind of makes me feel insecure with in my sanity looking back and seeing it all at once.
I felt very “powerful” before feeling nothing but fear and confusion for a couple months… and then still a lot of fear and confusion after getting out of the hospital… then by new years I finally felt like i was about to get skilled (stolen/killed)…then I really started to analyze the illness and found this place in febuary… from there it has all been reconnecting and recovering… step by step… inch by inch… minute by minute… day by day…
@turningthepage… you really have turned it around as well. It’s good to see that man.
Denial was what drove me insane! Then over time and a lot of work in therapy I came to my senses and slowly started to accept what was going on and then eventually learn how to forgive on all levels!
the day I went insane “the first time” I felt like I doubted my beliefs, but kept on digging deeper and deeper in my beliefs anyways…after I stabilized for a while, I stopped taking my meds…I didn’t doubt anything at all that my beliefs came up with after that…took them seven months to finally pin me down and stabilize me…thanks to a state hospital.
I remember spending the day in downtown Chicago with my friend and suddenly I started hearing voices that were calling me names and telling me to do stuff to people on the train ride there. At first I just thought the people on the train were just being assholes and tried to distract myself by just listening to music to drown it out. I was already dealing with extreme depression and anxiety and I thought hanging out with a friend would make me feel better.
I remember walking down a normally busy place called Navy Pier but was pretty much devoid of people since it was a bit cold and cloudy and I still heard voices and I just thought “okay I’m not alright”. I was able to act normal around my friend though but as the day went on it got harder and harder since I started hearing more voices and felt all the cameras around the city were spying on me. There was a point where we were walking on a bridge and I thought about jumping off of it but I was with my friend and I didn’t think the fall would kill me and if I did jump I would probably get run over by the passing cars and totally freak the people driving out.
We went to get coffee before we were gonna catch the train back and I remember seeing this dude having an argument with himself and I was like “is that what I’m gonna turn into?”. It was the worst when we got back since we were standing in the rain trying to cross the road and the voices were telling me to jump in front of a car. I mumbled some swear words back at the voices and kinda passed it off since we were standing in heavy rain so it sounded like I was pissed from being in the rain. As soon as I came home I went up to my room for a long time and curled up in my bed and the voices started getting really bad so my mom went to check on me and I told her I was hearing voices and she told my dad so he called up our family’s old therapist for advice. I could barely sleep that night due to the voices and I was in the psych ward the next day.
