Night before I started hearing voices, I saw my room mates face grinning at me with a big smile on his face (didn’t feel like a dream when I woke up - would say it was last face I saw before being dragged or something like that ). Next morning I wake up hearing his voice in my head repeating ‘STUPID’ over and over again - wouldn’t stop. Turned to schizophrenia after that day.
Also, days before that night… I had an unnatural feeling I was being watched… like weird unnatural - not normal.
I’ve never felt like it was given by a person, but I have had experiences like the ones you describe. A girl laughed in my class when I was super paranoid. And when I first started hearing voices one of them said she was a witch.
2 Likes
do you remember the day you started hearing the voices?
with me, the paranoia only began 4 months after that day - started seeing people repeating the stuff the voices were saying in my head lol, in my efforts to keep my sanity - I simply reasoned they were people from the kingdom of God who could see my spiritual struggle with the voices. (bible verse: Blessed are the poor, for theres is the Kingdom of God) - took that verse literally. But nothing changed, so instead it changed to me thinking they were the source - paranoia developed from there.
That sounds like logical reasoning under so much stress. For me I had paranoia before the voices. And in my paranoia I was reading many spiritual books including the Bible, coming up with all sorts of connections. I hope you don’t still believe your connections are true. We are just sick. Nobody caused it but the imbalance in our brain, and the voices will lie in my opinion.
yea, pretty much stopped believing it when a baby who couldn’t speak spoke clearly to me… but the feeling was lodged deep inside, so paranoia still continued/ heck, was better than reality to think of it - coz the alternative is … priceless
But why read the bible before getting the voices? Sorry, even if asked why I feel am being watch - I wouldn’t be able to answer (this before the voices). Didn’t have a shred of religion on me at the time, heck, going to church wasn’t even on my mind when I got the voices… - I’d just spend my time watching church videos on youtube and from time to time when am alone in the house, I’d imitate the videos and repeat ‘Devil I curse you out’ haha, never worked though.
1 Like
I used to be very spiritual. And I was on adderall, so I was seeing all these connections between the matrix movies and the Bible. It wasn’t a good combination for someone who was paranoid.
2 Likes
but there is this weird time I went to a mental hospital - went to see someone (at the time my schizo was only 1 month old so I had no interest in seeing a mental doctor - still had my normal mentality in sight).
This guy, he was staying at the mental ward… when I was leaving, the guy came to the side of my window and literally stared at me - to me I just assumed it was because of his mental condition so I didn’t think much, I just slowly closed the window and left. But then something that hasn’t happened since occurred… I was completely voice free, it was as though I never woke up hearing that friends voice saying 'Stupid ’ in my head. aka, I was completely normal. Later went back to the apartment I was sharing with that friend of mine and the voices came back the second I stepped in the apartment. Never happened again.
sometimes think it was the mental ward guy who came to my car and stared at me that healed me. Voices only came back when I went back to the guy I say gave me schizophrenia voices, coz just when I opened the door and saw him, the voices came back. lol, If I believed in the spiritual at the time, I’d probably stab him. Maybe am just overthinking it, but that guy didn’t wanna pay the rent… it was as though he wanted me to break the shared apartment deal so he could leave - and this after giving me the voices. For 3 months, he always made an excuse that his parents weren’t sending him rent cash, only reason we left was cause we got evicted for always playing loud music. But I always felt there was more to it, like he just wanted to leave after giving me the schizo (never told him I was hearing his voice in my head or anything about the night I saw his face.) And I got the voices like 7 days after moving in with him… before he use to crash at my 1 bed room to smoke weed/class,. When we agreed to rent an apartment together, that’s when I started feeling I was being watched
1 Like
yeah. some sexy person did an epic magical dance with the hips and I got my paranoid sz:
just kidding…
1 Like
yea, not to mention he started bringing tonnes of girls to the apartment after I got the schizophrenia… like wanted me to start the debauchery marathon we never tried a year before.
1 Like
I mention the girls coz another friend of mine who had schizophrenia once told me… he started debauching with a lot of women after he got schizophrenia - he was drawn to do those stuff after he got the schizophrenia, but not before.
1 Like
maybe am just crzy, but still … If I had a all access pass to Guantanamo bay, he’d the the first guy I book a room for there.
what does that term mean? I’m too paranoid to google…
that’s why I was afraid to google…
@peregran you should not restrict yourself, if you don’t want to. do whatever makes you happy. but be careful because if you are right about the witch thing…
having a lot of s e x
1 Like
don’t get me wrong… I never use to blame him for it (in-case am wrong about it)
was always too busy focusing on living the rest of my life hearing voices… but after 3 years with these voices, who gonna blame me. Stopped hanging with him 2 years ago, but earlier this year when I saw him, he was literally shaking - and I could see it clearly.
I also believed it was witchcraft and that people I knew like friends or past work mates etc were involved. I still to this day belive they are spirits but maybe not witchcraft
2 Likes
Forget about the friends suspicions. Am talking about a single person… not the foundation of my schizophrenic delusions that come from people voices.
Like is it just me that saw a face before I got the schizophrenia?
I’d also mention a lot of facebook messages I got from him (before I told anyone or him about my schizophrenia) But am not sure If I was just schizo connecting them to what I was going through. But still, he’s the single link to sanity I have in this schizophrenic world… coz what if witchcraft, always try to think of a motive to giving people schizophrenia, but aside from witchcraft… there is simply no reasonable motive for millions of people to be waking up one day with schizophrenia.
PS - those messages stopped after I told him I saw his face night before I got schizo.
I was so convinced by them that I screenshot some of the messages he sent me…