I saw a Dr today. There is a lot that I didn’t tell her. She is going to try to treat my anxiety, depression and something else that I forgot first. Then see how I am doing from there. Part of me feels like I should have mentioned more about the Sz … then part of me feel like she would of locked me up if I had. I keep telling myself that fixing these anxiety issues and being able to pay attention better will leave me better able to handle the Sz stuff. I hate anti psychotics, and there is a part of me that feel like I belong in a mental hospital… but the other part of me feels like I can handle this on my own and I don’t want medicine and bad side effects. I don’t want to be sleepy and sedated… or having vertigo… or making the voices upset.
I really wish I didn’t work a job where I have to be around people for 9 hours. I just want to go home… i wish i could just stay home and paint… That would make me happy. I don’t want to be in public… i don’t want to be around people. I just want to be left alone.