Lol, am angry to this state… I remained in negatives and paranoia so long, that it was dumb…
Now I try to ‘‘reeducate’’ my brain… Sometimes am trying just to think more, sometimes to rest when needed…
Everybody knew, that I am ill I find… I was saying for years my ■■■■■■■■ to everyone, I also admitted to some people in my neighborhood that I am sz 
… Not a thing to do I guess, but it was my way to socialize…
Now I wonder if my anxiety and paranoia will be relieved… And my somatics too?.. In your opinion?
Cause yeap, I try to believe in my meds now, to be less negative too…
But am not sure the Zyprexa will give me clearity of mind, regain in some positivity and dreaming state like too…
Anyway… I have to visit my dentist soon, but am afraid now…
But my question was if you were relieved by your somatics too by the aps? … Idk, I guess its paranoia linked…
Well, I should stop waiting from the meds to help me more in your opinion, pals? They should have worked till now after ten years on them no?
I am not so alone on this, isn’t it?..
Ya know, in one place I have my negatives, and on the other hand - I am paranoid and having all kind of fears in order to be capable of live…
Now I discover the life, but its painful… I see how bad am in socializing even etc etc…
Should I just continue taking my meds and be patient mostly?
sorry to bother, but I don’t see what I can do in order to be better… I remained too much in isolation and passivity. My brain became too ‘‘dead’’ I guess, my body is weak too…
Have you been on zyprexa before?
yeap… It was my first ap… Then we tried 10 other aps for ten years… We came back on the Zyprexa after trying the others, cause with least side effects and the doc said to not switch it anymore…
One other pdoc even was saying to me, that it can take me years to fill its effect, but maybe she lies to me…
Yeah years seems kind of long to me. J think a few months is generally the average time. Was it at all helpful?
Idk… Why so surprising? Do you find everybody on meds is getting better?
I am confused emotionally as well I guess… Psychologically too…
Plus, maybe I was ill for very long, I even wasn’t feeling the Zyprexa before… It was like candy for me before, its not normal this, no? … Its just lately, that it started to tire me and making me dizzy per moments…
I also wonder how the others get better on meds and me, not much on my fears and somatics…
If its helpful? Yeah, I guess without an ap, I cant even get up from the bed and am lying there, with racing thoughts and not even eating or sleeping…
It sounds like the zyprexa helps more than you are aware of!
What do you mean by somatics?
Ok, yeap, maybe it helps. So I should be patient for the rest and just do things here irl?..
The somatics are the physical manfiestations of my psycho symptoms… I feel all kind of bad stuff in my body in general…
and thanks for trying to help, dear 
.
I am just tired to fight tonight and I wonder if I should continue like this without expecting more from the meds… In the same time, we tried them all already and my doc doesn’t want to change…
Oh yeah I figured that’s what you meant. I get those too, very annoying. I think you should give the medicine a try again
No, we really tried them all moongarden… One honest pdoc even told me, that I tried too many ya know… I mean, that I am on my Zyprexa now, but I lose my patience sometimes as now…Idk if ill get my life in hands soon…
How long have you been on it now?
2 years, but I was fighting against everything before… Lately, I have no strength or the desire for it etc… I was also very lazy before, not wanting to do anything… And it was a fight in my head too, no respect for nothing… I also tell to myself, that this doc can be right… The meds dont work for those who are at their worst… And I have two decades of isolation behind me and you can imagine how were my feelings then… Maybe I still need time for the meds to work even after two years?
Its just now, that I get dizzy, nothing like this before…
Ya know, side aps, my doc doesn’t know what to give me anymore… She just keeps saying to break my isolation, do things and to wait the Zyprexa to work even its after years…
But when I am bad, I worry, that’s ll. Sorry to bother ya, but yeah…
Have you asked about maybe adding an antidepressant or mood stabilizer?
I have depakote too… Don’t worry, I guess I just ruined too much my brain within the years… I am ill since kid while I am 37 years old now… Maybe I need more time than the others yeap…
Maybe so! I would trust in your doctor or maybe get a second opinion if you dont
OK, I’ll see. The other docs does not know all what ap to give me anymore, moon, cause I tried them all. They just shake their heads… And I can’t take ads cause those raise my paranoia and my somatics… I am dead tired now, ill try to sleep.
Thank you for the attention, ill be here. Maybe some szs did it with efforts, idk, not only meds… I am afraid of more meds… The second opinion was that I took too many… This second doc also was wondering how to make “kinder” my temperament, which went tough and apparently, no med for this…
Anne, what do you think of Back To The Future;?; The Delorean is cool, the only Super Car that Ireland ever produced, and the premises that one can re-write one’s history to lead to a better future is one that some physicists are taking seriously now. Scientists know their history and their connection with Kemet. Learning to write one’s own history is what is important. Thank you.