Want a more positive outlook

I’ve been making a lot of threads lately lol. Anyway… :stuck_out_tongue:

I feel like lately I’ve been extremely negative, moreso than usual. To be fair, I’ve had stuff going on that’s been dragging down my perspective, but I think it’s about time for a fresh start.

For a while I was fixated on the ostensible fact that my life was forever tainted by my psychotic break two years ago and its aftermath. But I did prove to myself that I can still succeed, that I wasn’t and am not at a complete standstill in life. I’ve worked since my episode and started a relationship with an amazing guy whom I just celebrated my eight month anniversary with.

Now that I’m sort of past that negative attitude about my psychosis, I’ve had family stuff going on that’s been leaving me dwelling on mortality which isn’t a healthy place for my mind to go for extended periods of time.

I want to look past all this stuff to what I hope is a bright future. I need a renewed sense of purpose; it’s just a matter of finding what will grant me that. I think a new job or a return to school could be what I need right now, but who knows. I’ve been wanting to learn Mandarin and everyone keeps encouraging me to pursue that and take it seriously. I could join the local mental health clubhouse like my psychiatric nurse practitioner advised me to do last year (I immediately chickened out lol, sad). I could volunteer. I could campaign for politicians I like (though how healthy that would be for a sz, I have no idea). I have options. I just need to pick something and stick with it, which I’m notoriously horrible at.

My upcoming therapy appointment will be a fun time, for sure.

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That email was refreshing. You have a wide range of considerations.

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I do! All things considered, I have a great life. Many amazing people are rooting for me, and I hope it’s the same for you!

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Working on this myself, find it hard not to slip back into old thought patterns and bleak outlook.

@antidepressant044, maybe you can try everything you want and see which thing really takes your fancy. You could start downloading an app to learn mandarin. Learning another language is a great skill and thing to do.

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Wow sounds like you’re really recovering! Things have been at a stand still for me too since my recent episodes keep coming back… Things might take a while for me. I wish I could at least stay busy but am kind of too psychotic.

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Good luck @gazza75! :slight_smile:

You too, @anon62973308! Sorry you’re struggling so much right now.

I find I struggle with apathy. Even when I’m enjoying something I’ll fail to see the point for whatever reason and sometimes go so far as to be persuaded by that negative thinking to give up. I don’t know if this is a symptom of a depression, a negative symptom, or just a character flaw.

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For a sense of purpose in life…

What are you good at? Perhaps try to turn one of your hobbies into a small or side business?

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Truth is, I don’t know. :frowning: I’ve never felt I had an aptitude for anything. I like psychiatry (comes with the territory of being sz, I guess) and caring for animals although I don’t know if I’m good enough at either to profit off it.

Wouldn’t consider myself amazing but I’m also rooting for you! :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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I think you’re amazing and I’m sure the fine folks here would agree! :stuck_out_tongue:

Thank you very much!

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You seem like you’re doing ok. Maybe just a little burnt out from the last job and not sure what to do next?? Take it easy, and I hope you keep looking for work. Peer specialist is a good starting point. Or some education is good too. But it’s ok to not know what to do. We made these “snow globes” or glitter in glass jars for Halloween today and I think I went overboard choosing colors and stuff lol… but it made me wish I was following treatment goals and moving forward with my life like usual. Guess I’m a bit sad right now looking at my snow globe, and feeling stuck so far away from everything worth caring about…

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Oh yeah, I definitely agree that I’m burned out. And it’s been two months since I quit lol. That job was exhausting in every conceivable way (for me anyway; for other people it’d probably be nothing).

Yeah, it’s not such a bad thing to be indecisive. :slight_smile: I’m not going to rush myself.

Ooh, that sounds pretty! Do you feel like you’re getting anything out of day treatment right now?
I hope things look up for you! I think it’s good that you’re being proactive and getting treatment.

Day treatment has been good. It’s transition care right now which means I only get to drop by on Wednesdays. It helps. Nothing I can really do about my positives right now. I saw my pdoc and she seems to think I’m ok. I think I’ll have to live with this for a while… It’s not that I want to be like this. Last time I was mildly psychotic, I went to the ER multiple times and switched pdocs and they all turned me away without med changes. The ER last time, in fact, made me stay 3 days, did nothing, and let me leave when my mom called. I no longer want to go there unless I’m really a danger to myself or others… plus symptoms come and go. People make getting treatment sound so easy… as if its just a bump in the road to be fixed quickly!! Anyways, it’s good to see you’re doing well. Lucky!! I already quit my job with the expectation that it’ll be a break for me…

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Ahh, sorry I’m making this all about me… I’m around your age and only been diagnosed for a few years as well. Thinking about the future can be scary, and sometimes I even jump to the distant future about aging, family members and their setbacks, career goals, and the afterlife even… day treatment is a good option. Nice to see people and have some structure.

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You’re fine! You’re free to post about your troubles here too. This is just kind of a rambling thread of mine lol and anyone is welcome to interject.

That sucks that you didn’t really get much help at the hospital. You’d think they’d look at your meds, at least. :frowning:
Agreed, treatment is not an easy thing. It takes a lot out of you.

The future is scary! I have a lot of anxiety regarding my loved ones’ well-being. And my own life is kind of a coin toss at this point.

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@anon62973308, wish I was in a position to quit my job… I am really struggling to stay motivated lately.

Hi @antidepressant044, is your avatar one of those anime things? :slight_smile: Are you going to call heads or tails with the coin toss? I’m kinda old fashioned and usually go with tails as it never fails lol :slight_smile:

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Hey @gazza75 :slight_smile: It is from an anime, Danganronpa 3 to be precise. The character is Chiaki Nanami. It probably sounds silly but I relate to her, what with her also being perpetually sleepy and socially oblivious. :laughing:

I’m going to follow your lead and call tails. I trust your judgment!

Sorry you’re having problems with motivation. You’re in good company, I regret to inform you, haha. A friend actually called me out on my lack of motivation earlier this evening. He said I seem to have a lot of interests, just no motivation to follow through with any of them, and I could respond with nothing but shameful agreement.

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Hey @antidepressant044, tails it is! :wink:
I think it takes a certain amount of courage to admit to our own shortcomings and maybe try and make some changes as best we can. I watched Alita battle angel the other day, I think it come out a while ago… it wasn’t anime, but, it had a lot of digital animation in it, the main character reminded me of anime. I quite enjoyed it.

What kind of work would you like to do?

I always feel like a change of scenery from what I am doing… been stuck in this role for probably too long, but, now i’m getting to the stage we’re i’m worried my age will be a factor if I try to do something new.

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Yes, working is hard. I’ve held a few jobs since this illness and none lasted more than 3 months. If I had a choice, I’d be working. Fortunately I get disability and food stamps and free health insurance and I live with my parents… not much to spend money on, most of the time. I think working is the way to go if you can do it!

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@anon62973308, I think I resumed work too soon after I had a breakdown. I think I would want to work after a few weeks of not doing it… think its a bit like the ‘grass is always greener on the other side’ kind of situation. I’m just trying to grind through to Xmas where I have a week off. I changed jobs a lot when I was younger, but, I’ve had this current position for 6 or 7 years now.

Glad you are getting by relatively well :slight_smile:

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