Yes but I consider it conversations or sometimes thinking scenarios. But its not verbal and I don’t hear sound (mind you I have heard things that were not there but its rare). Right now, I don’t know what is going on so it gets a tad distressing to me. Because I have become aware of having delusional episodes. So if, lets say, I start having somatic delusions I go back and forth between if it is real or all in my head and if its all in my head I know the outcome and I know I will be okay. This is different though because I became aware of some things going on that led me to believe I am losing my mind again. Except there were a few new symptoms but I didn’t realize that at first. Now I’m thinking on lots of things and trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and researching (I do that at the start every time) but see usually I have somatic symptoms so I research that and mental health stuff but I have no somatic symptoms now and its all just coming back to its in my head and I don’t know where this is going to go. But I am cross comparing symptoms and trying to think on past stuff like in my childhood to try make things relevant so I can narrow things down and when I think on it, the symptoms say that I might have Schizophrenia and it makes sense when I think on different things that happened in my life that I was not aware of at the time. So I can accept that. But then my mind decides I guess that it knows better then science that I do not have that. And I don’t feel like I do. Sometimes I feel what I describe as psychotic. I can feel it in my eyes. It feels like I am wide eyed and like my eyes are buzzing… like I am stoned except I am not stoned and I feel crazy. I know I am and can be delusional. But to try click everything together into one serious illness… I don’t feel like that. Perhaps that what they mean by lack of insight or limited insight… I don’t know. I can’t make sense of it all sometimes so that is why I am looking for answers.
You want to know the worst part? When it comes to sitting down with another person and talking about everything it is like I have selective mutism or something. I talk about all the wrong things or forget most things or don’t explain things properly. I do that better writing because I can just move the thoughts over to the screen with the keyboard. But they expect people to talk and explain stuff and I just can’t and they don’t want to read stuff.
This sentence had caused me to ask since you mentioned them. Do you hear actual words formed then or just the change in your thoughts that answer your questions.
My voices are as prevalent and loud as if you were standing in front of me talking to me. I am on a constant search for truths and answers regarding this experience. I seem to also have a problem talking to others when trying to describe this in as few words as possible, if it get’s to long people loose interest. several years back I changed many of my eating habits to try and feel better after my thyroid went out. last year the voices started and I started again to try and change things even though i knew how they came about. your health is important but try not to change to many things as this can also cause stresses in your body and increase your problems. The best thing to do is step back and just relax walk away from everything for awhile and usually the answers just come to you, as much away as you can that is.
Not self directed is another term that means person follows orders from voices.
Lots of this is just called ‘social problems’ and you are better off never trying to discuss it much with your mental care. If you have a psych doc who makes threats because you are complaining too much and stuff starts to go really badly in social situations afterwards, it is major clue you shouldn’t be discussing much with this psych doctor. Some cities run this way…the mental care is VERY problematic and even tries to insist on therapy sessions, yet your social problems get worse and worse seeing the psych doctors in some communities. If you encounter this, it is better to try out some other psych doctors or discuss what was on TV or your houseplant collection instead.
On the occasions I had them they had their own personality and were distinct entities. They gave teachings about God, spirituality, the cosmos, what aliens really are, explanations of physics as applied to interdimensional realities…
You are not wrong. IMO It doesn’t matter if it is a hallucination or delusion or thought disorder. You might have faulty wiring but it is still your experience and perception and, in your mind, it is what is happening. So, no, you are not wrong. Have you tried listening to music on an mp3 or iPod to block out the voices and thoughts? That helps me block thoughts sometimes, like if I think I am being laughed at or talked about, music in my ears blocks out the thoughts.
I don’t seem to get voices, my world just seem’s to turn upside down with things happening. Your own voice which you have inside your head, well that seem’s to screw up on me also, i can’t expain but i don’t hear it but i seem to tell myself what’s happening as it’s happening to further back up my delusions. I don’t like med’s if only i can get used to living in that dream world and just remember i don’t have what everyone takes for granted and thats being able to see reality. I’ll either get it right, i’ll die, or maybe kill someone else. God i’m up against one high brick wall, it goes into space for f**ks sake. If I do kill i hope it’s someone who deserves it
To elaborate I’ll give the example of me moving to different residency 3 times in about years.
The voices that I was hearing sounded similar to some neighbors so I was a cold mean person to them whenever I saw them because I thought they were in my head.
Some even moved because of this and on one occasion someone told the police they think I’m nuts and I was taken in cuffs to El for a psych evaluation.
But I was drunk and the doc said that he won’t admit me because I was obviously drunk.
Needless to say I’ve from that experience and now I stay away from everyone that I don’t have to interact with.
This was before my realization of myself so I’m fortunate that I’m not caged up for life right now.
