$4.00, that’s all it it would take. Get a pint of the cheapest vodka. True gut rot, closer to fuel than palatable. Half a sip of juice, chug the vodka, more juice, I can finish a bottle in three of these.
As fast and as much as I can. Listen to music and cry as I crash into a drunken stupor, and pass out. Down for days fighting the hang over.
Sick twisted part of addiction issues is this plan sounds reasonable. Almost fun. Convince myself that it’s worth it.
I know the hell it would put me in, and I’m trying to remember that no one wants me to drink. Only one that can stop an addict is themselves.
You can try reading Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Quit Drinking. It is a bit of an odd read being an old book, but if it helps then that’s good.
I can relate a little to your story. For me alcohol is an escape as I can feel good, cantered and calm for a few hours and escape boredom, but it comes at a terrible price later: Paranoia, delusions, anger, frustration, anhedonia, the list goes on.
There is plenty of other reading material, online coaching, etc you can try.
I was the same way. I had to quit because I was doing too many crazy things when I drank. It got me in a lot of trouble. You’d think that with all the grief alcohol has caused me I would loathe the drug. Alcohol is just a liquid barbituate.
Thanks everyone. Update for today is I didn’t drink. Had to white knuckle it for a while. Got better after my family came home and I wasn’t alone. I admitted the urge to them too.
I’ll do some research into a virtual program. A weekly check in may be good for me.
It’s hard if you see the alcohol you get the craving. Sometimes when I see some beer being sold at a shop I will want to buy it. There are definitely triggers.