I’ve been thinking about how unhappy I am. When I visited my mother and father on the weekend past, I could see how happy and fulfilled their life was and I envy them for their happiness. It got me thinking about my own miserable life. I have a house, bed, clothes, food and husband with money and a good upright nature, but I still have things in my life which make me unhappy. I feel miserable because I have no social life and my husband has an even poorer one, I feel so isolated from others and my family live at a distance. I don’t have a child to bring me joy, nor regular visits with friends. My sex life is nonexistent and I get no pleasure out of it because of the meds side effect and the sz. My hobbies have become non-existent and my lack of motivation from this stupid sz has killed off any futile attempts to revive them. There is so many things I want to do, like start working part time at the library again and start painting again like my mom encouraged and go more out to the beach, but I never get around to anything. And my husband is also not motivated to go to the beach or putt-putt either, so we are two miserable sods with no fun in life and feed off each others misery. My spiritual life is suffering as well so my relationship with God which is supposed to be the most important thing in my life is also a problem, and I have no older woman mentor I can speak to about Islamic issues and issues of faith and spirituality. I feel so cut off from life that I think of suicide sometimes, but I don’t want to kill myself, I just feel so despondent. I wish I could do something to make my life a happy one.
i support you, why not go work at the library no matter what happens youll feel good for doing it
Happiness comes from within. You keep putting conditions on becoming happy and it’s why your not happy.
Lots on depression here http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/
Identify your feelings and moods. Depression is a self-destructive effort to avoid feeling. Accept that emotions are natural and helpful. Learn that mood changes don’t come “out of the blue” — they are always started by an event, a memory, a dream. Use the Mood Journal to identify what starts your mood changes.
Challenge depressed thinking. People with depression remember and blame themselves for bad events, while they forget about and give others credit for good events. Their low expectations mean they often don’t prepare adequately and give up too easily. Worst, they think they are essentially different — damaged somehow — from other people. These are all learned habits of thought that can be unlearned. Pay attention to your assumptions and beliefs.
By Richard O’Connor, PhD
Mental Health Professional Psychologist
Undoing Depression Website
Author of Undoing Depression: What Therapy Doesn’t Teach You and Medication Can’t Give You and Active Treatment of Depression
Get help. Don’t be ashamed of needing medication, and don’t give up until you find something that helps. And see a therapist.
Let others know. Depressives fear intimacy more than most people. We put on masks for the world, because we believe our true selves to be shameful, unworthy. But this belief is wrong. When we’re with someone we can trust, sharing our thoughts and feelings — even if they seem unimportant — is good for us.
Take care of yourself. Learn to pay attention to messages from your body. Depressives abuse themselves by not eating right, not exercising, and then expecting to work 12 hours straight. They will deny a minor ache or pain until they have an ulcer or a chronic back condition. Take time for moderate exercise, eat healthy but delicious meals, and allow yourself some pleasure in life.
Practice detachment. We spend far too much time and effort trying to control things that aren’t worth the struggle. Many things that worry us are really unimportant; we’ve just gotten over involved and lost our bearings. We may find that we’re trying to change things that we realistically cannot change. Instead of battering your head against a brick wall, learn to walk away.
Excerpt from the doctors’ book of Home remedies no idea who wrote despite having the book
22 ways to beat the Blues
Life (oweeeee!) might be compared to a roller coaster. Rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief. Doctor, lawyer, Indian chief. Everyone has ups and downs. Why, even top experts on depression occasionally get bottomed out.
But what these depression experts know from experience is that nearly all cases of depression can be reversed—even the most serious ones. And for the not-so-serious ones (call them the blues, the blahs, or the I-just-don’t-want-to-get-out-of-bed days), some very simple techniques can work wonders.
So if you’re feeling down in the dumps, melancholy, like life is dragging you down and dragging you out, try one of these proven methods for making your spirits soar.
Sit back and enjoy
(or at least tolerate) the tumble. Benjamin Franklin said that nothing is certain in this world but death and taxes. He missed something sadness.
“Realize that feeling a little bad is no big deal,” says William Knaus, Ed.D., a private practice psychologist in Long Meadow, Massachusetts. Psychologist Fred Strassburger, Ph.D., associate clinical professor of psychiatry at the George Washington University School of Medicine, adds “Understand that the down feelings are temporary—don’t get sadder because you’re sad.”
Do something active
Hanging around the house and moping is sure to make you more depressed. So this home remedy involves getting away from home. It doesn’t matter much what you choose to do, as long as it’s something active, says Jonathan W. Stewart, M.D., a research psychiatrist at the New York State Psychiatric Institute in New York City. Go for a walk, take a bike ride, visit a friend, play a game of chess, read a book, or become a Big Brother. Turning the knob on the television set, however, is not being active.
Search your memory for fun things to do.
The best way to pick an activity is to start by jotting down a list of things you enjoy. The problem, of course, is that nothing looks too enjoyable when you’re down and out. What to do? List activities that you used to enjoy, suggests C. Eugene Walker, Ph.D., a professor of psychology and director of training in pediatric psychology at the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center. Then, pick one—and do it!
Talk it out
“It’s always helpful to share your feelings with someone," says Bonnie R. Strickland, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst. “Find friends who care about you and tell them what’s on your mind.”
Helping Others through Depression
What’s the best thing to do if someone close to you gets depressed?
“Listen,” says family therapist Robert Jaffe, Ph.D., “more than anything, your friend needs an ear.”
If someone you care about seems depressed and hasn’t said anything about it, go ahead and ask, “Do you feel depressed?” suggests Dr. Jaffe. Follow up with open-ended questions, like “When did you first start feeling this way?” This is a good question, says Dr. Jaffe, because determining when a depression began often helps uncover the incident or incidents that might have sparked it.
Have a good cry.
If talking about your problems leads to tears—let them flow. “Crying is a wonderful release—especially if you know what you’re crying about,” says Robert Jaffe, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist in Sherman Oaks, California.
Sit down and analyze the situation
“A lot of times, if you can pinpoint the source of your depression, you’ll feel a lot better,” says Dr. Strassburger. “Once you understand the problem, you can begin to figure out what you need to do about it.”
Try and try again—then quit
“As kids and adolescents, we have ideas of what life will bring, and sometimes we hang on to them even when life dictates that these ideas are unrealistic,” says Arnold H. Gessel, M.D., a private practice psychiatrist in Broomall, Pennsylvania. Chasing elusive goals can lead to depression, he says. This is when you simply have to say “I’ve given it my best shot”—and give up
Nutrition
more than anything else—controls your state of mind, claims Priscilla Slagle, M.D., an associate clinical professor at the University of California, Los Angeles, UCLA School of Medicine. The most beneficial nutrients for battling depression? Above all, she says, it’s B vitamins and certain amino acids. Here’s her formula.
If you’re feeling down, try 1,000 to 3,000 milligrams of the amino acid L-tyrosine first thing in the morning (on an empty stomach), followed by a B-complex vitamin supplement 30 minutes later, with breakfast, suggests Dr. Slagle.
L-tyrosine converts in the brain to norepinephrine, a chemical that promotes positive moods and gives us motivation and drive, she says. The B-complex vitamins, particularly vitamin B6, allow the body to metabolize amino acids.
“I don’t know anyone with a mild problem who hasn’t responded to this treatment,” says Dr. Slagle. However, you should get your doctor’s approval before starting supplement therapy.
Representatives from both the American Medical Association and the American Psychiatric Association say they haven’t seen enough research to give either a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down to Dr. Slagle’s claims…
Exercise.
Numerous studies show that exercise can help overcome the blues. If you already exercise regularly and are in good physical shape but poor mental shape, consider “going for total exhaustion,” suggests Dr. Gessel. “It’s a good way to discharge your tensions.”
Pick up a box of crayons.
A great way to express your feelings is by writing them down, or better yet, by drawing them, says Ellen McGrath, Ph.D., chairwoman of the American Psychological Association’s National Task Force on Women and Depression and clinical associate professor at New York University. If you sit down immediately after something upsets you and start to draw, you might be surprised at the insight you’ll gain into your emotions, she says. Use lots of color. A choice of red could suggest anger; black, sadness; and gray, anxiety.
Adjust the facts, ma’am.
“Sometimes when you start to gauge your assumptions against reality, you may find things aren’t as you think they are,” says Dr. Knaus. For instance, if you suspect your lover may be cheating on you (a good reason to be depressed)—go ahead and ask. You may be wrong.
MEDICAL ALERT
When It’s Time to Seek Help
If you’re feeling down and out and the feeling persists—even though you’ve tried all you know to beat it—it may be time to see a mental health professional.
Experts at the National Institute for Mental Health suggest that anyone who experiences four or more of the following symptoms for more than two weeks should seek help.
- Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” feelings
- Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
•-Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness - Loss of interest or pleasure in ordinary activities, including sex
- Sleep disturbances (including insomnia, early-morning waking, and/or oversleeping)
•-Eating disturbances (changes in appetite and/or weight loss or gain)
•-Decreased energy, fatigue, and/or a feeling of being “slowed down”
•-Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts - Restlessness and/or irritability
Difficulty in concentrating, remembering, and/or making decisions
Find something really boring to do.
What you may need to snap you out of the blues is simply something to distract you, to shift your attention away from your woes. To do this, “pick something dreadfully boring to do and do it,” suggests Dr. Knaus. For instance? Clean your bathroom tiles with a toothbrush. Or study the same leaf, again and again and again.
Slow down.
Life in the twentieth century can be mighty hectic at times. If you suspect that over scheduling is at the root of your depression, then you may simply need to relax, says Dr. Strickland. “Give yourself more time for things like warm baths or massages.”
Avoid making major decisions. “You can’t really trust your judgment when you’re depressed,” says Robert S. Brown, Sr., M.D., Ph.D., professor of psychiatry at the University of Virginia School of Medicine. He advises that major life decisions should be put off till you’re feeling better, lest you make the wrong decisions, which, of course, can only drag you down further.
Treat others with respect
Being depressed, you may be inclined to be snippy with other people, says Dr. Knaus. Don’t do it, he warns, for others may be snippy right back—the last thing you need when you’re down.
Stay out of department stores.
Just as snapping at other people can have a boomerang effect on your depression, so can shopping binges, says Dr. Knaus. That is, while they can be loads of fun, they can come back to haunt you when the bills come in.
Close the refrigerator.
Eating binges also have a boomerang effect, warns Dr. Knaus. While a binge might make you feel good at the moment, it can add depressing inches to your waistline. Get out of the house, if you have to, to fight the urge to eat.
Hope it helps
You do not need something very expensive to be happy. Sometimes a tiny little flower can bring smile on our face. Don’t lose hope, I am sure you will find true happiness soon.
If you want to do part time work, go for it…If you want to paint, do painting…If going to beach makes you happy, there is nothing as good as passing some time at the beach…
Point is that involve yourself in more positive things. Do the things that bring you towards life. Ask you husband if he wants to be with you in that otherwise do it on your own.
I am not a scholar in Islamic theology and do not practice it in the way good Muslims do but I believe that your relationship with God gets stronger through people. I always say this to every one “Help the people around you”. God listens to those who listen to His people. In all major religions, people believe that God is the creator. So if you love His creation, why wouldn’t He love you. Do not look for a mentor, you are your own mentor.
If you believe that you can raise a child, there is no harm in raising an orphan. From Islamic point of view, you know the value of raising an orphan.
May I ask you, how is your relation with your parents and siblings? Who is emotionally more close to you?
I have none of what you have. I’m a fifty-five year old male with no children, and yet, I’m fairly content. My situation is an accident. I wish I had an easy answer for you. Maybe you could look around and find a few interests. You could try to get into helping your kids. Try to find constructive outlets. I wish I had a magic proscription for happiness, but I don’t.
It sounds like you need an outlet to talk to and I’m glad you started here. But don’t stop. I love all the info dreamscape provided! If problems persist, I would talk to a friend or seek the help of a professional. Just having an ear in person, to listen to you helps me feel better. Truly hope you get to feeling better. Go to the beach! Sunshine and a good book sounds awesome to me here in cold Ohio!!
@Hadeda try to find hope in anything you can. Maybe not something as grand as the library job for now…baby steps…maybe cooking a nice meal would make you feel better? I enjoy cooking though so maybe that’s a bad idea…I hope you feel better soon.
the only person that can change any of this is you hunni. you are the key to your own happiness and that involves some stern words and tough love. you need to get off your arse and DO these things that you think will make you happy. don’t talk about doing them…just do them. baby steps, one thing at a time. you can do it. you can find the motivation from deep within you. afterall, what’s the alternative? going on as you are? getting worse day by day? c’mon, suck it up buttercup and just do it! if it’s ay consolation, i get like this sometimes too. don’t get sad, get angry with yourself and use that anger to fulfill a need. good luck x
when i was in my twenties i had to make a decision to either, keep on being miserable or to start laughing and enjoying myself and seeing the brighter side of life…even though i had sz and everything else.
do small things like a great coffee and allow yourself to enjoy it.
make a funny comment on here and allow yourself to have a giggle.
go for a skip down the street and be a child again.
make a list of what you are grateful for…you might surprise your self.
i have been in this rut, in the deepest darkest pit, never thinking i would ever get out.
but i make jokes now on this forum…which i find funny anyway,maybe no one else…!!
you can do this and change the way you think.
i did and i am no different to you.
it takes a bit of time but happiness is yours…you deserve it and have earnt the right to it.
know some one cares.
take care
The flower
The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read
beneath the long, straggly branches of an old willow tree.
Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown,
For the world was intent on dragging me down.
And if that weren’t enough to ruin my day,
A young boy out of breath approached me, all tired from play.
He stood right before me with his head tilted down
and said with great excitement, “Look what I found!”
In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight,
With its petals all worn - not enough rain, or too little light
Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off and play,
I faked a smile and then shifted away.
But instead of retreating he sat next to my side
and placed the flower to his nose
and declared with overacted surprise,
“It sure smells pretty and it’s beautiful, too.
That’s why I picked it; here, it’s for you.”
The weed before me was dying or dead.
Not vibrant of colors orange, yellow or red.
But I knew I must take it, or he might, never leave
so I reached out for the flower, and replied. “Just what I need.”
But instead of placing the flower in my hand,
He held it mid-air without reason or plan.
It was then that I noticed for the very first time
that weed-toting boy could not see he was blind.
I heard my voice quiver; tears shone in the sun
as I thanked him for picking the very best one.
“You’re welcome,” he smiled, and then ran off to play,
Unaware of the impact he’d had on my day.
"I sat there and wondered how he’d managed to see
A self-pitying man beneath an old willow tree.
How did he know of my self-indulged plight?
Perhaps from his heart, he’d been blessed with true sight.
Through the eyes of a blind child, at least I could see
The problem was not with the world, the problem was me
And for all those times I myself had been blind,
I vowed to see the beauty in life,
And appreciate every second that’s mine.
And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose
And breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose
And I smiled as I watched that young boy
Another weed in his hand,
About to change the life of another unsuspecting old man.
Author unknown