i had a free day so i took my mum shopping in my car, she has very poor eye sight and hearing so she usually needs a guide and she said she was going to take the bus without a guide today and i couldnt let her do that so i offered to take her, its very stressful but we both got some good bargains and i helped her get out as well then we went to mac d’s for a drink and a bite to eat (was lucky bc i had to rest anyway)
her house is coming a long, i am trying to do a good job decorating but i still need to do more like wall papering and i need to fix the shed roof, i like helping her out if i am getting something for it but she doesnt like paying much, she says bc she is my mother that all the stuff i do should be free, luckily i charged her for the decorating but i am a lot cheaper than a professional, idk if i should charge her for the shed roof but i think i’ll probably fall through it anyway lol.
anyway apart from today and the decorating etc my aunty is coming over for a week or two to stay with my mum and i need to pick her up at the airport tomorrow morning, i might also have to watch her dog at some point this week as well but thats ok, then i have a voluntary thing i want to go to,
its good for me to try and stay busy but i just wish my anxiety wasnt so bad.
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cool you help your mum. high five
Maybe you can hire someone for doing the roof though 
You charge your mother for doing things for her?
Why?
Did she charge you for all her caregiving to you when you were growing up?
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idk why you are judging me, i am still doing a job way cheaper than anybody else and i do lots of things for her for free like take her out when i can, watch her dog, odd jobs, its just the big jobs that are on a deadline that she couldnt get anywhere else that i was charging for, if i was her official carer the government would pay me for it but i’m not,
idk why you are trying to make me feel bad, i’m helping her out, i do everything for her 
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I didn’t do anything to make you feel bad, I didn’t have to.
Everyone is different, I just don’t understand why a mom would have to pay for her son to help care for her?
It’s justified though?
Your time is valuable too, I get that.
I find family dynamics so fasinating…
Each family structure is different…
My uncle would often borrow money from my aunt and if my aunt borrowed money my uncle would say you owe me… And my cousin had to pay her way too… it is different…
In my family we used each others money like our own… I used to ask dad when I wanted something and there was no mine or yours concept… In a sense I wish there was , it would have tought me responsibility and the value of money… my mum and dad had strong values that their elderly should never go to a home and those who sent there parents to homes were cruell… but i feel that sometimes its necessary as we don’t have the resources to care for parents as the homes do…
i’m going off topic lol but anyway, i don’t think @daydreamer should feel guilty … everyones family structure is different and its not necessarily wrong to be different unless he’s harming someone which he’s not…
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I’m not intentionally trying to make him feel guilty, I’m trying to understand the way he thinks.
He’s a guy, and I have one brother that helps if he’s in town, but he lives in another state.
Another brother is local- the next town over, and he never helps- ever. Never calls either. He is just him.
One more brother, who calls often, but if he shows up, it’s to get money.
I help by default, I live in town, don’t work, and the only girl, so all the work falls on me, but I don’t mind, I like to help, and I find I really enjoy my mom’s company.
I was trying to get some insight from a guys perspective, because it seems so different from mine.
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My plan is to care for my parents when they get old.
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Ideally I want to do that too. But if my mum was not well and couldn’t look after herself and I could look after myself or her then a better option would be a care home …
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Returning my parents favour of having brought me up, tended me when I was poorly, nursed my cuts and bruises, etc. seems natural to me. Yes, it will be stressful to look after any one of them when the time comes, but I am ready with open arms.
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my mums 66 and has poor sight and hearing and i will help her any way i can and so will my sister but my sister has arthritis now so its harder for her so i think i may have to do most of the work, i was doing most of the work anyway but the decorating is a huge job for me and i think i am entitled to ask her for a little something for it and a professional would charge 3x as much as me and do almost the same thing and she couldnt get anyone in time anyway bc she was wanting downstairs done before flooring was put down last Monday,
i think my dad would pay me as well without a fuss if he were alive or do it himself if he was fit enough but it falls on me now and i struggle, idk if i could have done it without getting paid
i picked up my aunty today from the airport and she paid me no problem £10 for fuel and i said that is enough to take you back when you are going as well, she thinks i am entitled to get paid for it as well bc she knows my mum and that she complains about money a lot,
my mum was still complaining to her about £3 for fuel for my motor yesterday even though i bought her a macd’s and i was like ‘the car doesnt run itself’ and i was doing her a favour anyway, i took them both out to the same place again today but my mum bought us lunch so i took that as payment/reward but i think it was only bc my aunty was there
she wouldnt give me anything if it was up to her and i dont think thats fair.
I have not taken any money from my parents since 2011 when I got psychotic and that was only for a month that I lived in their house and ate their food + my dad paid for my cigarettes. I don’t think I will ever forget that. My sister and brother paid my doc’s fees and meds for 2 months 
and I started working immediately even through the symptoms, side effects.
Before that I was 18 I left and moved out. I do almost everything they ask me to and help them out in any way I can.
I hope my dad’s eye recovers completely. He has started seeing a little. Made my day.
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