I have a delusion that started 20 years ago. I quickly dispelled it sort of but it lingers somewhere in my mind and pops back up here and there. I’m aware it’s a delusion for the most part but still sometimes believe that it is true. Certain events will trigger it.
How can this be? If you have insight why do you suddenly lose your vision?
A few years back I was talking to a psychologist about this and he said you have a delusion? But you know it’s not true? I said yes. But he looked at me like I was purple polka dotted. Do you have delusions that you know aren’t true, but they stick with you anyway?
Yes. Getting kidnapped by any and every passing vehicle. I know that’s in my head, but the fear is very real. When I heard voices downstairs in the past, I’d call my pdoc’s office because I thought it wasn’t real, but I just wasn’t sure. It was better than calling 911.
I’ve opened up a little about certain delusions with my therapist, but they’re very embarrassing to try to explain to an outside party, yet they make so much sense in the moment.
Yes. It is weird. There are things I know are not true. And still they feel true. These two parts always fight. Who’s the winner varies moment by moment. Sometimes it’s a tie.
There are also things that I seriously doubt about. My dad says I need better phobias. Phobias that can be logically checked to be untrue. “If I do not wash my hands fifty times, i will get sick”.
Mine are often in the “well, technically nobody can prove this isn’t true” category.
I think I’m struggling with this right now. I keep thinking that my friends are talking behind my back and conspiring against me. But I don’t like think that’s true logically.
But it’s just so impossible to shake and it’s so distressing
Not really. The weird thing with me is my delusions are always on the same themes and i never learn from it. I think “this does sound crazy” but i always think it’s real anyway. I can think “i thought something like this before and i was wrong”. Then i think “yeah but this time it’s real”.
When I told the pdoc about my delusions she asked me how I know they are delusions? I explained that they repeatedly come to me, and when I’m not doing well I believe them, but when I’m feeling good I can dismiss them.
It’s smoke and mirrors. It feels real which is why we can get lost in them but there’s no substance. If you apply critical thinking you soon see otherwise the but that is the problem. The tool for being critical is compromised so your playing off the back foot anyways.
Others would not and do not understand because it’s so persuasive but with meds you can get out of that for sure.
