I mostly sense the voice, rather than hear it (it’s silent and not like sound). Often my schizophrenia modulates an external real sound (like the sound of chewing, or the sound of a car passing by) with that voice, then that voice becomes like a sound, and sounds like the source sound.
Sometimes I get a voice that is more like a sound, it usually has a gender, but still does not sound like a real person talking (I can tell it’s in my mind).
1 Like
Hi, the good cop bad cop routine is very common amongst voice hearers I had this when I first started to hear voices ( 2004/5) it was like being interrogated by the Gestapo mets Snapchat.
Also the sounds of screaming is also very common trigger.
1 Like
It does, thats how I found out also humming to yourself works as well,
3 Likes
Hi, Could I ask whether if you’ve ever heard of Sub Vocalization and RNM or EEG !
1 Like
People I know mostly. Exes, friends, family, people I’ve met. They usually comment with a limited vocabulary (coded albeit) about what I’m saying or doing or thinking. I used to hear voices in random noises like cars and stuff. Meds help a lot. For me. I’m on Abilify injection. They influence me and sway my beliefs usually with an aim to cause chaos in my life probably because my brain wants to be in chaos so I feed it’s addiction to dopamine. Voices. I also get just feelings of like being possessed by others, sometimes multiple at a time, often celebrities, and I feel other people’s feelings or at least I think I do. It’s a persistent clairsentient energy vampire based delusion. It’s self fulfilling though. I start to act like others. Maybe where the multiple personality myth of sz comes from. I also get demons and angels and gods possessing me. It’s a weird thing. I’ve run the gauntlet delusion wise.
1 Like
I have people present where ever I go even in different cities. They talk about me, some times they speak abusive, some times they laugh. But some people are mild. All this is due to schizophrenia. But voices are stranger voices only.
Not always…
There are two main voices I hear on a constant, daily basis. The first is a female, Melanie, who claims to be my boyfriend’s ex girlfriend (who, as far as I know, does not actually exist). We are telepathically connected, and she can hear every one of my thoughts and see/experience everything I do. She is the most horrible, judgmental, critical person I’ve ever “met”. Her goal in life is to make me commit suicide.
The second main voice is her friend, Justin, who is just as critical and judgmental and he loves to interrogate me and try to convince me I am lying all the time. He calls me disgusting and fat shames me every time I eat or take a shower or change, just like Melanie does.
Both watch me 24/7 through hidden cameras my boyfriend (who is supposedly also in on this whole mess) installed to keep an eye on me. They often have visitors over and watch me and make fun of me like I’m an interactive reality TV show. It is extremely rare that anyone actually thinks what they’re doing is wrong and they all think it’s hilarious and join in on the criticism and fat shaming and judgment.
Melanie, over the years, has learned my entire life story, including every bad thing I’ve ever done. I have always been honest and open about my past because I believe they are my subconscious and would know if I lied so I see no point in being misleading. Melanie also comes up with absolutely horrible things to accuse me of that I am completely innocent of (I.e., she calls me a pedophile and claims I poisoned my daughter —absolutely untrue stories that she knows are absurd but says for shock value and to make me look like a monster). She tells everyone who will listen my entire life story AND all of the made up ■■■■■■■■ so everyone thinks I am pretty much the worst human being alive (which is probably why they’re okay with what melanie and Justin are putting me through).
These two have been terrorizing and interrogating me on a constant, 24/7 basis. They keep me from sleeping, wake me up in the middle of the night to interrogate me, terrorize me while I’m trying to take care of my daughter during the day. It never ends and they say they will continue until I commit suicide.
They also are in constant communication with my boyfriend and tell him all of the made up ■■■■■■■■ along with everything else I say and do throughout the day. They are doing everything they can to get him to leave me. Melanie also has been sleeping with him since we started dating four years ago and tells me all about their sex life and she also tells me that he cheats on me regularly with prostitutes and is even seeing another girl. It has made me an insecure lunatic and I drive him crazy with my incessant need for reassurance. My boyfriend puts up with so much drama and abuse basically (constantly accusing him of cheating, my extreme codependency, my controlling behavior that stems from my feelings of inadequacy and insecurity and fears of being cheated on) from me. I feel so bad for what I must put him through. He has never dealt with mental illness firsthand and it must be very overwhelming and difficult to handle me. He doesn’t know how to respond to my delusions and often gets frustrated and comes off as unsupportive, which fuels my paranoia that the delusion is actually real.
I am losing my sense of reality little by little and am starting to fear that maybe I’m not delusional. But, that’s crazy talk, right? That’s just part of the illness, isn’t it? I am so confused.
The voices used to have such a huge impact on my daily functioning and I used to be extremely sensitive to their abuse and cried all the time. As time has passed, I have developed a thicker skin and have begun to realize that I actually am in control of my own life and my own thoughts and it’s up to me when I choose to interact with them. This is something that is making them mad because they think they are in control. In fact, as I write this, they are trying to interject and convince me that they actually have power over me. I realize now that they are the pathetic ones, not me. They’re the ones wasting their lives obsessing over how to make my life miserable. They are control freaks and hate it when I assert my power over them. They tell me they will make me pay for what I am saying and believing that I’m in control. I know that they can only affect me as much as I let them. I am tired of allowing them to stress me out and ruminating over their nonsense. I am developing techniques to shut them out and ignore them and now only respond when I have something I actually feel like saying to them.
They’re so worked up and bent out of shape right now after reading everything I’ve written here, it’s actually really funny how sad they are and how they think they are actually affecting me.
I could explain even more and go into more detail but I’ve gone on long enough now
4 Likes
sorry I didnt read your whole post, but I can see your discomfort so I’ll try to offer some support;
try to understand where the voices stem from; if it’s a parent, a friend, a sibling etc, male/female, once you can try to understand where it originated from, you can slowly start to tone it down.
hope this helps.
I hear religious voices telling me to kill myself because I am Jesus and I tried once to kill myself by swallowing a whole Tylenol bottle.
My voices used to tell me I was ugly and had a small sex organ (I’m actually average on both). I’ve never been called fat, probably because I’m not overweight. I get lots of homophobic attacks from the voices, hurtful epithets and the like. Very painful to hear some of the things they say about me. They have a habit of going round and round and round repeating themselves and wearing me down until I’m desperate for them to stop.
The most common voice by far is a female who is nice most of the time but can turn on me and become very mean at times.
One of them is a male voice, always mean, who always has a high level of energy and emotion in his voice, like he’s being tortured while he speaks. He’s like a rabid dog shouting everything he says, and I hate it because I wish he’d just calm the heck down before speaking at the very least. What is unique about this voice is that I always get images of this “person” speaking in my head to go along with the words, he’s a chubby bald African American who always wears sunglasses and is drawn in cartoon form.
Then there’s a third voice, male, who insults himself and makes vulgar noises, he’s the rarest one.
I refuse to name my voices, as I don’t want to give them any more power over me than they already have, and I feel like naming them would do that.
1 Like
I have three regular voices, Chitr, a girl who fluctuates between showering me with love and being adorable, or being like the worst person ever, particularly in the mornings. Then there’s a Mr. Giggles who laughs here and there during a certain prayer I listen to. Then there’s a Gupt, who is soft spoken and is always kind or neutral.
Other people come by and visit and make cute noises, like laser noises or meows.
When I was stressed out and headache the voices were pure hell, but now my treatment regimen is good and what little I hear is pretty pleasant.
Can you tell me more about your Jesus figure experience? I have experienced that too, except I was pregnant first with the anti christ and, later on in my life, christ. I also nailed myself to a cross because I saw a cross in the sky and took it as a sign that what I was about to do was the right thing. I am incredibly religious as a result. Spiritually, I have awoken in a theosophical manner.
Just wondering what you heard or believed or both to make that happen to you. Thanks
Just out of curiosity, what did God tell you?
I experience thoughts in my head that I know arent mine. I feel like I’m being tuned in to, almost like a radio. I freeze up now, especially when i am praying with my hands out, palms up. It feels like they are reaching me that way.
They give me messages to tell people things. The other day I was able to channel heaven, this has happened to me twice, where I have felt intense waves of peace and joy. It was so beautiful, I could not stop crying.
Just wondering if anyone else has experienced the incredibly spiritual side of schizophrenia. What were your beliefs or what lead to it? What were your feelings, how paranoid did it make you, did it feel like a mental battle between good and evil in your head?
2 Likes
I’m naturally a very religious Christian who also happens to have schizophrenia, so I can definitely relate to the spiritual aspect of this illness. But as far as what God would tell me, it was more commands that I should isolate myself, not talk, and disinterest myself with things I had once enjoyed. A lot of this may seem asinine, but this was very real to me, and once it happened, I felt peace and joy, just like you did. I also have a form of OCD that is called religious OCD, so that means most of my symptoms deal with something religious; and this contributes to my schizophrenia also.
As far as any battles between good and evil I would definitely say that I was on a road to self-improvement, but rather virtuously. So, my symptoms made me feel very happy, but also humble because of the nature of my religion.
1 Like
I absolutely am being commanded to stop doing things I once enjoyed. The whole “shun materialism” of the world is turning and focus on being a virtuous person. Like I’m turning inwards and attempting to perfect and grow my soul closer to God’s. Absolutely not a religious conversations, admins, but this is important.
Anyways, I do isolate myself because people don’t understand me. I’m awkward and weird, and I don’t find joy or humor in the things I used to. For instance, my husband just bought a new truck. I felt like I encouraged him to buy a fancy one and therefore, allowed demons to work through me, almost without realizing it. But now I am realizing how demons works through me and other people around me, it’s like I hear them talking to me through other people. It’s insane, I know, but experiencing reality in this manner. Well, the universe is so vast, who is to say that what we experience is not really a sickness, but a spiritual awakening, an awareness to a world outside of material values. A world of spiritual values and that we have all been made blind to it through coveting things like they are God. Anyways, if that awareness warrants the medications that I’ve been taking that haven’t worked and will continue to not work for years, then IDK! what else to do except follow all of these signs and synchronicity in my life.
1 Like
Schizophrenia is definitely a a very different illness. It can on one hand cause you to be irascible, but on the other it can make you feel exquisite joy. I don’t think, though, that schizophrenia is a spiritual awakening simply because there’s many other symptoms that are involved and for some they don’t even have religious symptoms.
But I do know for me that religion, or some spirituality, has helped me a lot with my issues, regardless of the religious symptoms of both schizophrenia and OCD. It’s my cornerstone.
I hope you can find a medication that works for you, especially for the symptoms you’ve told me that seem really, really distressing.
1 Like
i started being spiritual from an early age as brought uo catholic. I got saved but didnt follow closely for 1 years. then after a broken relationship isolated for 9 years on lithium. but God came to me to save me this time and to obey him completeely. so i went back to a bible believing church and have been doing the work of God ever since which is believing in His Son. It has been good i have grown. struggles yes but He was with me.
4 Likes
Sounds spiritual… been there. Over it now that I’ve reconnect with a few lost friends. I’ll admit; I got lost in that realm, not all was perfect.
My voices used to call me the n word and the fa word. I don’t remember some of my voices that had personalities, that was when I was in the thick of it, trying to get my meds right. Now most of my voices (I don’t hear them very often) are just random words and sentences, comments on my thoughts or situation, or unintelligible comments. I heard a whisper voice today while I was in the kitchen. I thought it was my brother but no one actually said anything.
1 Like