What do you do when you can’t stop thinking about killing yourself, but don’t really have any intention of doing it? Like, on the scale below I’m between a 6-7 most days, but at night my sz symptoms always get worse and it usually escalates to an 8. Pretty much every night lately.
But, since I don’t have a plan, they won’t admit me. And, honestly, I don’t want to be inpatient right now because I don’t think it would help since most of my problem is physical pain making my sz get worse.
I’m just having trouble. Every night I cry. Every day I daydream about ending it all. I’ve tried reaching out to friends, but I don’t think they really care. Like, I straight up told them I was suicidal last week and I haven’t heard from any of them since then. What else can I do? And don’t recommend those crisis lines because I already tried and they made me feel worse.
I suffered with frequent suicidal ideation and nothing helped but Rexulti. So that’s what I ended up doing, taking more meds. It wasn’t my favorite idea but I didn’t know what else to do after it went on and on I had no choice but to do something about it. I felt like I couldn’t go on like that much longer. I really feel for you. Chronic pain messes with your head. It makes you not want to go on, it’s too hard. The good times are so few and far between.
Sorry you are going through this. Been there and it’s an awful place. And sorry you aren’t getting the support you deserve. While you are waiting to talk to your pdoc, be gentle with yourself and do things that make you feel good, any self care to get you through. For me it would be eating a favorite food, scratching a ticket, in comfy clothes, with a show on maybe, and candles lit. I hope you can find something for you. Take care
The hospitals are too overwhelmed here. If I don’t have a plan to actively kill myself and I’m not dangerously psychotic they won’t admit me. They’ll just tell me to follow up with my doctor, which I’m already doing.
Yeah, I’m thinking I need to do something about my meds. I don’t really want to change my AP, and I’m already on an AD. So I don’t really know what they can do. I don’t want to change either of those. But maybe increase the cymbalta? Or add on a third med? I don’t know.
But yeah, the pain really does wear you down. It’s been so much worse the last couple months, too, and that’s really doing me in. I just don’t know how much more I can take.
I’m in the process of increasing my Cymbalta and looking forward to being in less pain. Have you ever considered Rexulti? Maybe it would have the same effect on you as it has on me. It stops me from suicidal thoughts for the most part in conjunction with my other ap and the Cymbalta.
I don’t like atypicals because they all make me gain weight stupid fast. Even the ones that say they’re weight neutral. Saphris I gained 100 lbs in 6 months, abilify I gained 25 lbs in 6 weeks, latuda I gained 40 lbs in 3 months, invega I gained 50ish lbs in 2 months (but it also made me super delusional so I don’t remember much). I can’t do atypicals. I stay with the older meds if at all possible.
@LED please try cbd products…they can take away your pain…my friend says it cured his pain for arthritis…I know your pain is huge but I think it can help you…please don’t kill yourself !!
Changing your mind while you’re in the process of dying and then getting immediate medical help via stomach pump or bandaging or whatever depending on what the attempt is… that’s a great way to fail an attempt. I’m glad I failed mine, thankful every day. Won’t ever try again.
I’ve failed at killing myself. I overdosed and did research in what Google said the lethal amount was and took more than that. Then I woke up several hours later. 🤷
I struggle with that at times. Crisis lines help so.e people, not others, but they’re good for emergency times when you’re at a loss on how to stay alive.
I just suffered through and kept telling myself that depression is a liar, all the bad things I thought of myself that made me want to die, those things were lies! People would be hurt by losing me, my kids would be devastated, my husband crushed.
Depression lies and says people are better off witho ut yo. SO NOT TRUE! You are loved, wanted, and needed. Always tell yourself that, make it your mantra during those downward spirals.
I’ve felt suicidal and severely depressed many times more than I can count but it always passed. Four months ago I was lying on the floor with a knife and trying to cut - and today I am eager to get out of bed.
So know that it always passes. As my sister sometimes says - ride the wave.
In the meantime whilst you wait for it to pass, the best thing to do would be to engage in simple pleasures (even if they don’t have the same pleasure they used to) and have someone around to talk to (or a pet even).
Distraction helps a lot! Read, pray, paint, listen to music, watch a comedy or take a walk or cycle etc. Exercise is a good way to feel better.
I’ve been depressed before and if it was just whatever making me depressed I would agree. That’s been my tactic previously. But right now I’m suicidal because of chronic pain and my body falling apart and that’s only going to get worse as my body gets older. I’m always going to dislocate. I’m always going to have injuries. I’m always going to be in severe pain even with pain meds. That’s never going to change.
