We all have malignant narcissism. However, I am recovering. To recover, one must denounce their independence from fellow human beings. Once this is done, the world is not out to get you; you just hear and see your unconcious thoughts. If you are cool with being just an ordinary member of humanity, your mind will feed you encouragement and tips instead of remarks of being so superior that everyone needs to get rid of you, since you are think you are the greatest competition in the vestigal process of evolution. We control natural selection. Naturally, I select empathy instead of peerless power. This is, in part, due to the fact that a peerless human is not human; we are social creatures by design. Without sociality, a human life is damned to the hell which actually exists. This hell is the cold and barren abyss of disconnect from our human nature.
My delusions always seemed to focus on other people. As in “those people out there are doing something”, or I believed some sort of ancient ritual was going on and people were reverting back to their prehistoric minds and behaviors so there was going to be some kind of violent apocalypse with extreme violence on the streets.
I’ve never identified with the “me” centered types of delusions, they just don’t seem like natural thoughts to me. I never had the “everyone is out to get me” types of delusions.
I don’t have many social relationships after sz, probably as a result of having poverty of speech. I call my sister in California up several times a week because I need human contact, and we have decent if slightly limited/stilted conversations. When I go to college maybe I will find some like minded people who won’t think I’m too much of a loser to be friends with. In high school I naturally gravitated towards being friends with the losers and outcasts–the bottom of the food chain. Maybe my issue is seeing them as losers and outcasts and not people. I think being mentally ill has lowered my standards somewhat.