I am transgender. I realized there was a name for it about 10 years ago. Shortly after that, psychosis hit me hard. I was ill for several years. I pushed it out of my mind as a delusion. But now when I have been ok for a long time, things come creeping back to me. It’s like me screaming louder and louder because I won’t listen. I have now started to listen and do something about this dysphoria.

I will talk to my therapist tomorrow. Then I’ll see what path life gives me.

What scares me is that she might think it is a delusion. That I’m getting ill again. I’ve felt male since birth. I was devastated when my tits grew out. Dad forced me to wear a bra.

Anyone here struggeling with the same thoughts and feelings?


I am not transgender but want to offer my support. My son is gay and he was born that way and he is what he is. I am a big supporter of the LGBTQ community. I was born a woman and I have identified as a woman literally since birth. That is why I believe a transgender person when they say they have known since birth. I wasn’t simply raised female. I have known I was a girl and been feminine since I was born. I just got the right body but had I been born in a male body, I would be transgender and no amount of raising me as a boy would help. It’s in your soul.

Anyhoo, I don’t share your situation but I am a full supporter and wish you luck in your future. I am sure many people on here will support you.


My dad said to me when I was about 13 years old, that he only wanted to be ‘the boys’ (my brothers) friend, not mine, because he didn’t like ‘girls.’

I just realized this year why I was never comfortable dressing like a girl. I only started wearing skirts and sandals in 2012 at the repeated request of my new husband.

Gender makes no difference to me as to what others identify with, as long as you’re a good person, you can do as you please.


I got S.A.G.E. Test Results

Your Raw Score is: 730, which indicates that overall you are Feminine

Your appearance is Quite Masculine

Your brain processes are mostly that of a Female person.

You appear to socialize in a feminine manner.

You believe you have major conflicts about your gender identity.

You indicated your were born Male.

Male to Female Transsexual, who is a serious candidate for Gender Reassignment Surgery

Some of the questions are really silly so I don’t take it seriously.

Your COGIATI result value is: 160 Which means that you fall within the following category:

What this means is that the Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory has classified your internal gender identity to be essentially feminine, but with some masculine or androgynous traits. It is very possible that you are a candidate for a diagnosis of transsexualism. You show a strong degree of gender dysphoria. At the very least, further investigation should be undertaken. Your COGIATI score places you among the majority of those diagnosed as transsexuals, the ‘late onset’ tanssexual.

The test is geared for male to female but you can tailor your answers accordingly.

This test seems better. I accept my masculinity but don’t really like it. I would hate to become very muscular and masculine.

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At first glance, the face validity of both of those tests seems low to me. I think there’s a definite need for reliable and valid tests on this subject, so this is disappointing.

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I am not transgender, but I also want to offer my support. My old neighbor was transgender, and she knew from the time she was four years old. She always insisted on wearing dresses and jewelry, and asked us to call her Olivia instead of John. Luckily for her, her parents were totally on board with it.

Several of my friends now are also trans, and they also said they also knew they were different from a young age. One girl had no idea that transgender people even existed until she read an article about it when she was twenty. She was excited, because it was the first time she had found a word for how different she always felt.

It truly is just the way you were born. I hope your therapist is able to help you decide how to proceed from here. Hormone therapy has come a long way. One of my FTM friends has just started testosterone treatments. It’s no longer a painful shot in the but. Now, it’s just a gel that you rub on your arm every day. His voice is starting to change, and he is starting to grow a beard, and he couldn’t be happier.


Unfortunately that would be very difficult to do unless one could arrive at an objective definition of what it is to be masculine or feminine. It’s probably true most of these tests online rely on stereotypical ideas of how a male or female would respond.
How much of how you define yourself in terms of masculinity or femininity is best represented by how you feel as opposed to what a test might suggest?

Given a choice I would have been born female, but I don’t see myself as strongly feminine or masculine though more feminine than masculine.
I could take being made more feminine whereas to be made more masculine would be something I wouldn’t want.


Those were exactly my thoughts when I read the questions in those tests. Although I am not transgender, if I was and could choose, I think I would choose a test that avoided relying on stereotypes and asked me questions about how masculine or feminine I feel, who I relate the most to, what I daydream about, etc. But then again, I don’t know if it would be effective or not. I just know I would probably like that test better the first time I saw it.

the COGIATI is garbage, we stay far away from it in the trans community. Haven’t heard of the other test, but I suspect it’s not much better.

@comatose Congratulations! Coming to terms with one’s self is always difficult, I’m proud of you! I’ve been full-time for about three years, just got my name change put through last month and I’m still waiting on paperwork. I hope your transition goes smoothly!


My aspergic traits/social difficulties/mental illness would have made life problematic whether living as a male or female.

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@RowanAmethyst What made you decide you were born in the wrong body(to use clichéd descriptor- sorry)?
Was it a gut feeling to which no objective criteria can be attached or are there certain things which lead you to see yourself as such?

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Well, when I was young, I fit the stereotypes: I preferred playing with girls’ toys, I liked playing dress up, all the stuff a boy wasn’t “supposed” to do. But I didn’t actually know until I was 16, when I saw a film called “Ma Vie En Rose” and it clicked that there was an alternative to just being a weird boy. That’s when I started doing research, and found the word “transgender”. It fit like a glove, I found many other people who had had similar experiences to mine, and I felt like I had finally discovered myself! I told my boyfriend at the time, he responded supportively, and I went from there. It took me until I was 27 to actually begin medical transition, and for a while I had “reverted” and tried to just be a man, but it never felt right. To this day, I have no regrets, even though I had a stroke back in 2013 because of high doses of estrogen. I recovered fairly well, though my right hand has very poor fine motor control and limited sensation to this day. Still, I wouldn’t go back even if it meant getting my hand back.


I was also “stereotypical” as a kid. I played Rambo, Karate Kid, soccer, climbed everywhere and rode my bike. I was always with the guys. Until puberty. Then I did not fit in.

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Yeah, that reminds me of when my friends and I started growing up. I had more female friends at the time, but they all started excluding me from activities because I was a “boy”.

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For me it’s very hard separate out what might have been an aspergic/delusional obsession vs a deep, legitimate desire to change sex.
I do know my psych records describe me at one point as having schizophrenia with disorder of gender identity. .

Over the years I have thought less about it but wonder how much this was due to the (a) reduction of an aspergic obsession (b) It was a delusional obsession that lessened as I became less acutely ill © A protective psychological mechanism to the reality that gender reassignment would not be something I would ever get the go ahead for.

One of the first pdocs I had became head of the gender identity unit at Charing cross.

As a child I didn’t play with dolls but then neither was I one for the kind of constructional toys boys are supposed to like.I wasn’t into things like Meccano and Lego . Neither was I into arts and crafts as I had great difficulty with that kind of thing. As a boy I was given toy cars and an action man but never did much with them.
My activities were very solitary due to a lack of friends. I wasn’t really into sports and certainly not good at it though I do recall having a football which I used to kick up and down our garden.
If I had much of a hobby it was reading.


I had action men and cars. My granny wanted to buy me a doll’s house. Mom told here not to. She did anyway. I used it as a garage.

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I didn’t have much of an imagination when playing with toys.

Maybe because of your autistic traits? My autistic son could only play things he had seen others do. Never came up with anything new.

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I understand the gender ID although I never knew any T’s in real life. Just wanted to show my support by sharing one of my own realizations which is accepting the fact that I’m an ABDL. Not exactly the same but same in the sense I knew from a very young age that I would always be close to my inner child.

Kudos to you for understanding yourself(s)!

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ah, I remember that movie. I watched it when I was 13 and it broke my heart. So tragic, that innocent desire just to exist and all that hatred from adults aimed at a child. I owned that movie in my teen years because it was so well made, but I could only watch it now and then because it was so sad for me, I usually cried.

I’m not trans, but that movie definitely made me acknowledge the horrors that people face.