I wouldn’t call it problematic behavior. It’s more like an error in using the correct pronouns when referring to a transgendered person. It’s an accuracy issue, not a behavioral problem. But again, I’m saying how you could view this as micro aggression. And I really don’t see how you could think we view you as a villain. No one said that,
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I am tall for a woman and have very short hair and I still wear a face mask in public indoor places including when I am at work. I have been called “sir” instead of “ma’am” countless times because of people maybe not looking that closely at me and mistaking me for a man.
I’m guessing that the difference between my experience and the experience of people who are trans or nonbinary, for example, is that I can pretty safely assume that it was an unintentional mistake and not intentional aggression when I was referred to as “sir”.
I would guess that people who are nonbinary or trans, for example, can never be sure whether incorrect use of pronouns is intentional aggression or an unintentional mistake. That must be incredibly stressful and disheartening to have to deal with day in and day out.
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It’s problematic as hell to state someone’s assigned gender when talking about a trans person.
Cis people do not get to decide what is and is not problematic for trans people
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Thats what the issue boils down to @Moon . do you believe it was deliberate or a mistake? I dont think it was intentional.
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So you’re saying trans people take it to personally??
@Moonbeam that does play a role for sure, I have trained myself to not think this way now and just assume the best, but a large part of what hurts about being misgendered is being reminded people do not see who you are. But of course this is a larger issue, but that doesn’t mean being misgendered doesn’t hurt, even by a stranger. I know when I was strictly using he/him I would be pretty happy when gendered correctly by a stranger. But really it’s all just a weird construct
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Why are we beating that dead horse?
I stated I do not think it was intentional to cause harm. Wave was very receptive when I explained why it’s problematic
Again, I feel like you’re using some black and white thinking, because problematic can be completely unintentional, in fact it often is.
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I’m not even sure what we are talking about anymore. if its wave or in general. I may just bow out.
To be frank I feel like a lot of this boils down to our egos typically don’t want to admit when we hurt someone’s feelings, so if it was a mistake we can just keep repeating “but I didn’t mean to” and that makes it not problematic I guess?
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Intent is everything IMO
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Oh ok, I didn’t mean to step on my dogs foot this morning , so she probably wasn’t hurt
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Honestly I just don’t like how this has turned into ignoring the actual trans people explaining how things are problematic. And we are basically getting brushed aside and treated like we’re overreacting, When we try to talk about our experiences.
Do you treat someone who got in an accident and killed someone the same as someone who deliberately runs someone over?
I think the real problem is that we need to find a resolution so that you are not insulted or feel attacked and that we make sure not to insult you intentionally or unintentionally. I’d rather ask, how can we help you feel loved and accepted? We can start by using the right pronouns when referring to you. I understand that.
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yes, lets work on solutions and end the bickering. We are getting nowhere.
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i am doubting wave will make the same mistake again after this thread. lol
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I’m now agreeing with @anon55031185 that it was mistaken prejudice but I’m also agreeing with @Bowens that it was purely unintentional
I’ve apologized to @Noise and to you @Moon
I don’t know what else to do.
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Lol yeah I’ll be very careful in the future
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@anon55031185 this honestly isn’t even about me, lol, I was trying to support Noise. This is their post about how their dad intentionally misgenders them and just reread the replies. One even saying they should just deal with it because they have issues that burden the family (if I read that right, it was kind of unclear)
You want to be more supportive to trans people? Do the research yourself on how to be an ally. There’s tons of info out there. I honestly don’t care if this forum knows much about my gender stuff, and I use he/she anyway, and I love that people are starting to default to “they” because it really makes cis people question how solid we are in these beliefs about gender and sex and they’re all just a bunch of ■■■■■■■■. I’m ranting now.
I do appreciate the need for resolution, but i don’t know if this is a quick resolution thing because it involves a lot of learning and introspection.
Best piece of advice I can offer: if you’re struggling really hard with names and pronouns even after a trans person has told you and it’s been a while, maybe do some introspection on why. Generally you’ll find that you actually do not see this person for who they’re telling you they are, and isn’t that a little weird when it comes to identity? Don’t you see how that would feel invalidating after a while and upsetting? Lots of folks are very stuck in the male/female binary and it’s literally just a societal construct that isn’t wholly real
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I don’t want to come out as being transphobic because I’m not!
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