So much is happening and I’m struggling I came out to my parents a couple weeks ago and it’s been weird. They aren’t being threatening or anything they actually took it in stride. They keep messing up my pronouns though and that hurts a lot. Especially since my dad doesn’t even really seem to try.
I came out accidentally during an argument with them and man I’m kind of regretting it.
Overall everything has been ok-ish?? I’m now just getting a bit paranoid about it. Like I wonder if they’re viewing me different or think less of me. And I’m getting a bit paranoid about like what if they tell someone and that person does something to harm me or my family??
With how much hate I’ve been seeing I’m getting really anxious
I’m sorry your family can’t get your pronouns right, I know how frustrating that is. I hope your family can come around and see you for who you are.
I have been out for ten years and I barely talk to my family now over dead naming and misgendering. People really do not understand how harmful it can be especially when your own family does it because it means they do not truly see you for who you are. Do understand slipping up, even I do that when someone first comes out, but if they don’t even seem to try that can be really hard to manage. And then people blame you for not being okay with it
I just never came out of the closet. I just shoved all my feelings and self expression in a closet and left them there to rot. Which wasn’t fun but fear is a powerful motivator.
I already do… doesn’t make it hurt less…
Ok real talk so what?? Respecting my pronouns has nothing to do with the “stuff” I have going on. Like I know I’m a burden, giving me basic respect isn’t part of that.
That is literally 90% of my therapy. Being out about being trans is a completely new flavor of anxiety. Love my parents but our relationship is complicated and definitely not healthy but I can’t really do anything else other than try to fix things to make this situation livable.
Like my mom at least seems to be making an effort sometimes she still messes up quite a bit but like she has properly gendered me. My dad on the other hand… It feels like he hasn’t even tried and it hurts. My dad already did something similar when I came out as not straight where he just… Ignored it and kept “forgetting” and like it’s super frustrating…
I hope so too. Weirdly enough it was almost easier getting misgendered when I was in the closet cause I could just tell myself that they didn’t know better. Now that they know… Every time they misgender me I have to try and figure out if they just slipped up or they just don’t care.
I’m really scared about being out but I’m trying to stay hopeful you being out for so long gives me hope. It’s also nice to know someone understands so thank you
I’m sorry that these replies only show you further that many people truly do not accept trans people as who we are, we are still questioned if we don’t look and act cis then we aren’t taken seriously. Having other issues doesn’t make you less deserving of being seen and validated for who you are. I’ve learned over the last decade people like to make it OUR burden to accommodate others because they “don’t get it”, that belief has made my family continue to disrespect me, harass me, invalidate me, gaslight me about my gender identity and then blamed for the divide between us.
I mean I can empathize with not wanting things to change, but no I do not empathize with the whole “mourning” process some parents go through, it’s kind of weird to me to base someone’s entire concept in your head based on their genitals and who you raised them to be. I am an individual outside of those things, and I don’t force anyone to accept it anymore, I just choose to walk away when someone isn’t getting it and putting me through the wringer over it.
My cousin is being a good Mom to her son.
She’s not putting him in the wringer but although you don’t accept it, the mourning process im sure is genuine.
My cousin really loves her son and is slowly accepting him.
I’ve only scanned this thread because its long but I have to agree with @Charles_Foster on this one based on what i’ve. It’s easy to make mistakes on pronouns. If your dad isnt trying thats one thing but the way you jumped down @Wave 's throat for a mistake has me wondering about your own temperment here.
I want to show you support but your own attitude in this area is making it difficult for me.
Like I said, I only scanned the thread, but your unwillingness to see others points of view on how easy it is to make mistakes on pronouns is unbecoming.
Most of us don’t mind slip ups and such, like we’re all human and get that, it’s the refusal to call us by own pronouns and name and really gets to us, it’s just a huge divide between most trans people and cis people.
I refuse to accept someone mourning me before I’m dead and still in their life.
They’re mourning their expectations of me, that’s not a me problem. My family made it a me problem. You wouldn’t understand unless you’ve been through it, and being told how to feel when you can’t be in our shoes at all isn’t really the way to go either
Grookey, if you are telling me that I can’t have an opinion on their over top attacking of @Wave because I haven’t been in their shoes, I think its you who aren’t getting it. You haven’t been in my shoes either. Making mistakes on pronouns is very easy to do and their attack on @Wave was out of line. People make mistakes in this area. Noise if free to feel however they choose. Wave is free to feel however they choose. You are free to feel however you choose, and so am I.
It’s definitely hard to have a productive conversation if you didn’t read the whole thread.
There are a few comments here that give the vibe that Noises family’s feelings are more important and they should learn to just be ok with being disrespected because they live together.
Do you know how exhausting it is trying to just get a little empathy and being told you need to cut them some slack?
Maybe I’m projecting my own story here, idk, but I really feel for their position.
It has only been two weeks so hopefully things will turn around for them
And of course I haven’t been in your shoes, that doesn’t negate my argument of you haven’t been in any trans persons shoes. And of course you have the right to feel and think whatever, I’m just trying to provide support for Noise and give a trans person perspective.
When I am upset about someone misgendering me or calling me the wrong pronouns consistently I wouldn’t want to be told to cut them some slack and try to be understanding.
If someone was misgendering a cis person we wouldn’t say that to them, would we?