YOu’re right. I didnt read the whole thread. It was just this that set me off.
you are right though, I will go and read the whole thread. I was being lazy.
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I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling with this. I hope that it is just your parents being stuck in the habit of referring to you with the old pronouns.
I think that this information getting out will not cause a threat. There are certainly people out there that don’t understand or reject trans rights, but someone actually targeting you with violence is highly unlikely.
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This argument makes no sense. There is no reason to be confused when referring to a cis persons pronouns. When someone changes their pronouns it can be difficult for those who have known them their whole lives to adjust. And it makes it confusing for others that know them as well. I was confused on what to call Ninja for a long time. I finally settled on they/them to be safe. But they were always understanding of the confusion and I have great respect for them. Attacking people for mistakes when they are trying to be supportive like @Wave was doesn’t help the cause.
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Umm… thanks @Bowens
Yes @Moon i was really trying to be supportive but honestly I get confused with the pronouns, I’m not trying to be an ass about it
I had the same issue with Ninja at first but I love Ninja as a person so it didn’t matter to me what pronoun was used. I mean that was almost 8 years ago when I was new to using pronouns other than traditional ones.
Anyway @Noise I just wanted to pop in to say I hope things work out and you deserve support. You also might need to be willing to cut off someone if they react poorly to it. I have a couple people in my life I’m about to cut off due to abhorrent treatment of the LGBT community. It’s a divisive time unfortunately. I haven’t seen a certain relative of mine in almost 6 months, and it’s been nice not having to hear homophobic slurs being hurled at the television at all during that time. People who speak like that around others need to realize they might just lose that relationship forever over it.
Didn’t mean to conflate being trans with being gay, I know they’re different, but they are usually hated by the same irrational people.
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If you don’t respect me because I don’t like the way people came at Noise then whatever.
And it does make sense to me, because my pronouns are just as valid as a cis persons. And people do in fact get confused on what to call some cis people if they aren’t in alignment with what we expect. I mean before I even knew what transgender meant people would bully me and ask me if I’m a boy or a girl.
And the reason I said Wave didn’t come across as super supportive is because they said they are trying to gender someone correctly but then misgendered them and then added their true gender in parenthesis.
I’m not gonna argue anymore tho I’ve stated my peace.
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i didnt say they werent valid. just that its more confusing to people.
i didnt say I did not respect you. I have always supported you when you have been in the dumps. You know this. I just think if you are going to expect understanding from others, you have to understand others perspectives and see that it is an easy mistake to make.
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I wasn’t against Noise
Like I said before I was trying to be supportive, with you and Noise.
I’m sorry if you misunderstood my intentions.
I don’t know what else to say?
I’m done
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@Bowens sorry for assuming, i know you have been there for me and I really appreciate it. I’m not mad, just frustrated that many cis people will not see our point of view and expect us to see theirs.
@Wave i know your intentions are good, I try my best to assume good intentions anyway, but intentions and effect are two different things and both need to be considered in arguments
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I was honestly more just trying to gently point out the mistake. Honestly my own temperament I’m often scared to correct my own parents due to potential backlash. I gently correct them with like “please use they” “don’t use (birth gender)”
Honestly statements like this tend to be disheartening. Cause it gives the impression that if I am not perfect and palatable 100% of the time I’m not worthy of sympathy or respect.
This exactly. Even I have messed up pronouns and names like it’s a change I’m not expecting everyone to get it right 100% of the time. It’s the fact that at this point my parents haven’t exactly been great at using my proper pronouns and honestly their efforts to use them have seemed… Lacking. Not to mention it’s still very scary being out so correcting them is honestly nerve wracking for a lot of different reasons.
Again @Moon has worded this perfectly. It is exhausting. I cut my family slack but it wears thin especially when it keeps happening.
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I do want to apologize if I came across harsh, I understand that you were trying to be supportive. The mistakes just made it a little bit hard?? But keep trying your best to improve and you’ll get there. We’re chill
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Thanks @Noise
I’ll keep on trying…
We’re chill
I apologize if I hurt you
Those weren’t my intentions
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Please do not come here with transphoric remarks and telling sz they are possessed
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Oy vey,
Take it somewhere else.
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perhaps, I misinterpreted your intentions. Like I said, I did scan the the posts and it just rubbed me the wrong way.
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btw, vangogh is suspended
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my whole point in this thread that it is not easy for people to know the right pronouns. We make mistakes. when you jump down someones throat when they make an error in this regard, it only alienates those that are sympathetic to the cause.
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I get that but also I’ve been hearing that forever, it’s probably more of a generational divide thing in the way we see gender, I know so so many trans people especially at work (the entire night crew is trans) and we all get so sick of being told to be polite in the face of what feels to us like an incredible insult otherwise we’re going to be even further invalidated.
It’s understandable to be frustrated in our society as a trans person. It’s understandable to feel like your allyship isn’t appreciated because you get it wrong. I get both sides, I really do. But I do not think it’s allyship for that allyship to be dependent on if a trans person is nice today.
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I now know that it was hurtful to place the word son in brackets but honestly I did this because my cousins son was biologically/ physically born as a female.
When a person asks to be referred to by a specific pronoun. Then just use that pronoun.
It’s that simple.
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