Total relaxation. My mind is almost blank. No voices, no psychotic thinking, no sexual thinking. It’s all blanked out. I’m not even mentally looking at my genitals. I thought I’d eventually get to this point and I can’t believe I’ve made it. The ambien was key but there has been a lot of work in the last couple years that has led to this the ultimate internal state. The animal mind.
I could feel excited about it if I wanted. But that would offset the blank slate so I don’t empower that feeling.
I do believe I will be able to fully recover now. I have no internal guilt in this state. It is the asexual mind. Soon it will be how I feel at all times without question.
I know it effects how people see me as well. It gives me more confidence to operate out of this state. And that changes how people perceive me.
I can be comfortable now. Like an animal that has had its food and water and released its excrement and has found a cozy place to just exist until it falls asleep.
Had to learn to cope with all kinds of things until I learned I could stop thinking about all of it and just focus on the self and what I want to do.
The psychosis has shown me how to become the apex of what I want to be in my mind.
I could allow myself to feel great but that would offset the blank state.
This is the pinnacle state that the Vulcan mind can attain. Elimination of emotions, sexuality, self consciousness, all that it left is to operate as rationally as possible in each moment. You don’t ever feel awkward for you know that people don’t mind silence. When you speak you speak tactfully and with purpose. You get people’s attention because they know you are in control.
You know those evaluations or Q& A there was one Dr. Phil did you may not know him but he said I sleep on my back I don’t cry wear black and I don’t dream. What the ■■■■? How do u get all that?
Oh its all good baby. I fell asleep early was here in middle of night. Listen Bryan you might need more than strong desire to change. There are meds for quitting drinking. Let it roll and see what sticks.
Was sober tonight and it’s been excellent. Really it’s just about being around people in my case. I have no desire to drink when I’m alone.
Good looking out though. Really though I drank so much in the last couple months I got sick of it. First was the beer. Then the mixed drinks. Now I can’t handle any of it.
I’ll just go to that place for coffee from now on.
I was pretty much already at peace before but afterwards I’ve been able to literally blank out my mind and just be a physical creature. It’s almost like a drug trip experience. Think only when I want to. No psychological garbage or echo. Total acceptance of the self and the world.
Thanks dude. Lol yeah it’s starting fade a bit more now. My thinking has cleared up and I’m as functional as anyone else. Meeting lots of people and ■■■■ in the real world. No more drugs for me from now on.
