My neighbor is also a close friend. He served in Vietnam and became a successful real estate developer. Long retired now. Many nights we sit and sip drinks while watching deer in the clearing behind our houses. Sometimes we even bait the deer with baskets and baskets of apples. We enjoy the time with nature and each other. A couple days ago he asked me to come by and I walked the short distance to his yard. He found something at a yard sale and was very excited to show me. It was a slab of wood with two large round holes carved out. Pained bright orange with the words “Hooters Job Application” in white. In a brief second a whirlwind of thoughts came to mind. He always calls me “Sweetie”, “Cutie”, “Honey”, etc… There is not another person alive I would allow to speak to me like that. Now I have to decide if I’m going to give this a pass too. I said “That is absolutely horrible”. He smiled and said he knew I’d love it and we shared a laugh. Later at home I had to ask myself why I let this go so easily and would level anyone else that would dare. Can you age out of having to adhere to new social norms? The older I get, the more I hope this to be the case.
My test of a joke has always been…
Is it funnier than it is mean? If so, then I go ahead and post it.
Like they say, if it bends it’s funny…if it breaks, it’s not.
Not sure what advice to give lol.
But I just wanted to say that I like how you wrote this story/description
If you’re offended you should speak up but in a calm and rational manner.
Let him know that it’s gone too far.
But don’t use a super angry tone of voice.
In a neutral tone of voice, you can say you know, this is a bit too offensive and honestly it bothers me.
Then let it go. If he keeps it up he’s disrespecting you and that’s unacceptable.
I am not offended. It’s more a feeling of I should be offended. And a question of should he get away with it? Living in this time is complicated and we are often compelled to take up causes that are not the most serious, but are considered of the utmost social importance. Opinions on that are what I’m seeking.
Every girl I’ve dated I’ve given a nick name. I never call women by their real name if we’re dating. My family has a nickname for me “Wayno” because when I was little I would touch everything and they’d say Wayne nooooo.
The closer death gets, the less I feel like wasting the time I have left on silly things.
I tend to have a good sense of humor, so I probably would have laughed.
That would have been unusual for someone as modest as me, so we would laugh about the absurdity of the situation. If that makes sense?
Well, on one hand he feels comfortable and familiar enough with you to joke around and share a risqué joke. And that can be seen as a good thing. And he’s not hitting on you or anything. But this is a case where he’s a little too familiar. You’re both adults though, and even though that Hooters thing was a bad joke if it’s just a case of a one time joke I would let it slide and not get too offended. I mean you still trust him, right? If he starts doing things often that offend you then I would start worrying about whether you should continue the relationship. But if that Hooters joke is the only offensive thing he’s done then I would chalk up to sharing it with you as a one time case of bad judgement on his part and not worry too much. If things change and he starts getting more overtly sexual then I would worry.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems to me that you have a core belief of moral and social justice. You believe that all people are equally valuable and deserve equal respect. Furthermore, you strongly believe in fairness for historically oppressed groups. Thus you feel an obligation to speak up, and a person “is getting away with it” if you don’t.
I’m 60, served in the military, and believe in social justice. However, I don’t feel an obligation, nor do I feel it’s healthy for me, to somehow, in someway, respond to every instance of social injustice, real or perceived. You cannot be in a fight-or-flight state all the time. As I said, it’s not healthy.
So pick your battles wisely: There are very few hills worth dying on.
It sounds like he was fully aware you would disapprove and that was maybe part of.the “joke” when he showed it to you?
I guess the litmus test you could apply is — if your neighbor does or says something that results in you not wanting to interact with him, then you should speak up about it and let him know. Then it is up to him to stop doing those things if he wants to continue interacting with you.
My test has been attempting to read the room, like if someone gets offended because you didn’t make proper eye contact a dad joke probably wouldn’t fly with them.
I like what nick said. Maybe this was a bad joke in your opinion, but things can be worse. If you want you could maybe let him know that that sign made you uncomfortable or something. I wouldn’t act on it cause you’re suppose to. It’s how you feel about it. You also don’t have to subscribe to that type of thing yourself. Maybe bring it up before anything goes on longer idk. Honestly I don’t think it’s that bad. Kinda funny, but also dated and annoying kind of humor imo. A woman should drill a tiny hole in some wood and write something like hooters entrance clearance. Idk lol
It seems clear to me that this type of humor isn’t your cup of tea, so you should probably let him know that and see if he respect your boundaries.
Where was you offended or had cause for concern? If he is a man, healthy and straight, he probably likes breasts. If he has a pet name or term of endearment for you, it means he likes you and is expressing a caring nature toward you. Did I miss something? 
I myself have a very dry and dark sense of humour. Things that’ll either make you die from laughter or die crying.
Thank you for the posts. I do want to clarify this man has been my neighbor and friend of many years. He is in no way trying to flirt or have any sort of sexual contact with me. Every Monday we go to a new old cemetery just read headstones. We bring coal and paper for the faded ones in hopes we can get a name or something off of the stone. During our drives he tells me stories I’ve already heard about his late wife and Vietnam. My question was more “can you teach an old dog new tricks” or is it even worth it? Is it our place to force what are the new normals on anyone? Also for the record the Hooters Job Application was hilarious as the holes were far too large. Pamela Anderson would not have qualified in 1995.
When I was Hospitalized, there were 2 women who thought they were Christ on the Psyche Floor.
Patient: “Hey, Patrick. If one of those 2 women really is Christ, which one would you go to for guidance?”
Me: “The one with the biggest boobs.”
(That was my priceless over-the-top-boob joke at the Mental Hospital) 
I see what you did there.
An astronaut goes to Mars and Venus to report on them for NASA. He brings back a Martian to headquarters and a Colonel starts interrogating him. He asks him what the women on mars are like. The Martian replies, “Well they all have big breasts but their breasts are on their back.” The Colonel says, “Hmmm, that’s unfortunate.”
The Martian replies, “Yeah, but man, those dances.”