I went to the beach with my friends. Driving there I had anxiety, ever since that really scary time where I couldn’t stay awake while driving and was stuck in rush hour traffic during a storm I’ve gotten bad anxiety any time I drive anywhere before I’ve had my sleep attack for the day.
Anyways at the beach I had a really fun time. But on the car ride back all the songs on my phone started playing that were associated with really bad times in my life and the demons. No matter how many times I skipped to it they were all related and I knew Plague was talking to me with the songs and I got angry and purposely changed the song instead of just letting it be on shuffle. I then sort of blocked it from my mind and went on with the drive.
Then at my apartment I was planning my road trip and was so stressed out. I even took a klonopin but it didn’t really help, it stopped me from shaking though. I showered and heard a noise and was scared someone had broken into the apartment. I saw a shadow flash by outside of the shower. But nothing was there. I ended up giving up on sleep because I was too wired and plus I’m having those bladder issues where I just constantly feel the need to go even if there’s hardly anything in there.
And now I’m lying here awake and exhausted and dehydrated because I can’t drink water or it just prolongs the peeing thing. I literally have to wait until my body is a dried out husk to fall asleep with this. It’s awful.
I feel sort of all over the place right now. I just want the move to be over.