Today: So far, so good

I woke up early this morning and everything was calm. The air, outside noises and my thoughts and voices. Everything is calm. I think of it like a calm day at the beach where the waves are small. I am going to enjoy every minute of it for as long as it lasts. It feels good. :slight_smile:

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Glad your feeling good. Im feeling pretty at peace myself. Gearing up for my daily meditation and hoping all stays right with the world today. I will follow your model and try to enjoy every minute while i can, i get these days far and few between anymore and plan to suck every ounce of joy and splender i can from this day!!! Thanks for making me realize how well im feeling today @zak.

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No problem Reggie! You hit it on the head when you say you get days like this that a far and few between. I couldn’t have said it better myself. We all deserve days like this. The disease ravages our brains and we need a break. Honestly I almost feel guilty, isn’t that strange?

I know what you mean, a slightly guilty feeling. Like i shouldnt be allowed to feel like this and wondering why. But im not going to stress and obsess as i usually would. Im going to meditate on it and try to keep it going as long as possible, and just be thankful for that. Cheers to you my man!!

I’m not sure if you meditate with background noises, but I found this awesome sound for studying or meditating. I listen to it everyday now. Take a short listen. It is amazing! Cheers to you too and enjoy your Saturday.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPni755-Krg

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I would personally stick to Tibetan Singing Bowls and Solfeggio tones… From personal experience of course…

Ill give it a try and see how it goes. Ive only ever tried with beach sounds and bubbling brook noises. Generally i go out on my covered back porch and listen to nature but i will definitely give this a try. Thx for sharing!

@zak and @Reggie, it’s a delicate topic, but I’m just asking: are you on medication? If so, has the medication worked significantly for you? I’m asking because I am not medicated. I believe I have lost many years of my life because I didn’t get treatment specifically for schizophrenia and when medication was recommended, I always refused. I’m managing ok, but I have some hard times and wonder if medication would improve my life more. No offense whatsoever, but I continually see posts of people who are medicated and still struggling. It makes me wonder, just for myself.

long post warning

@Hedgehog i am medicated and still trying to find the proper balance of meds that suits me. I went 27 years unmedicated, or rather self-medicated, until i couldnt keep up the self deception and denial any longer. I struggle many times and am good many times, lately ive just been trying to learn what my triggers are to prevent and hinder the psychosis from “flaring up”. Ive had alot of stress over the past few months and have been going thru a bit of a tumultuous period and an on and off again psychosis. But i still feel better each day overall, i am sza so my moods vary and depression plays a big role but overall, i feel like i have made tremendous leaps forward over the past 3 years.

Ive had old symptoms of debilitating paranoia seem to be gone for the most part thanks to the meds, but new symptoms as in stronger audible hallucinations than ever before. Therepist says its from loosing the paranoia that i centered myself around, my brain is in somewhat of an upheaval trying to cope, thus the increase in audible hallucinations. But i would take voices any day of the week over the debilitating fear and delusions i emmursed myself in before meds.

In spite of my daily troubles i feel like i am making progress forward on being more cognizant of my actions and reactions, thus helping me to cope on a daily basis. And be a healthier happy Reggie overall. I may have seemed happier in the past but it was all a mask to hide my complete and utter torment. I do not feel that way now. I feel like i am working towards an accomplishable goal instead of running the hamster wheel of doom i was before the treatment.

So to answer your question, yes the medication has done wonders for me in some ways however i do not expect meds to fix every thing, when they did take away all symptoms, i was a complete zombie sleeping for days at a time, and thats no way to live.

I am trying to find the right balance for me to have the best quality of life possible, whether that trade off to be dealing with a few voices here and there as opposed to a zombie, then yeah, ill take that. And alot of that hinders on my therepy and me being able to control myself and be mindful of what i am doing and what i am thinking and why, to understand and know my triggers to keep from setting myself up for failure, and be successful and happy as we all deserve to be.

But i am still a work in progress with alot of work still to do. I am only in the beginning stages of my overall plan for treatment and it will take years most likely. 3 years now on meds and every few weeks, something still gets changed or tweeked slightly or added. It can be frustrating and overwhelming but you have to be compliant in your treatment and patient, as i was not always and payed dearly for it, and trust and be open with your doctor. I may be lucky because i found a great pdoc and tdoc my first try but ultimately it is YOUR treatment and you have final say so you can only do what ultimately you decide is right for you, but a parent or friend or significant other who cares can be of great help when deciding and checking yourself and your perceptions when they become a bit “off”.

I dont think it would hurt to at least try meds on a small scale and gradually work upto a desired dose, which generally happens anyway with APs. If your considering it then you must be already looking for a change from the status quo of your normal goings on. I would strongly consider it if i were you, and this is coming from someone who refused to take meds regularly for almost 2 years. It may take time to find the right one or you may not ever find the right one and decide unmedicated is the way to go. But how could you know if you dont try? And if just a little bit of courage can get you happier day to day, and not have to struggle or be tormented, than how could you not at least just dip your toe in to test the waters? At least just to know you tried and made an effort to better yourself and your situation, as opposed to sitting dormant, facing the same loosing battle each day. Remember, the price of inaction is far greater than making a mistake.

Sry to go on forever but this stance is relatively new for me and i do feel very strongly about it. Quality of life is what is most important and you must do whatever you can to improve that quality if you are struggling.

Best of luck in your decision @Hedgehog. Im always here if you have questions, im a slight novice with all this, but i am progressing by leaps and bounds. Sry again for such a long post, im talkative today and feeling good!!

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You have a gift for wording things, @Reggie. I really appreciate your openness and taking the time to share with me. I was moved to tears by the hamster wheel analogy. I feel like I’m on a hamster wheel just maintaining a precarious sub-existence.
I’m terrified of being medicated, though. Demons and shadows and bugs and Angels don’t scare me, but meds do. I don’t want something controlling my mind. I don’t want doctors who think they know me to control me or my life…
But now that I’m in a supportive marriage, and my husband is suffering. When I’m rational, it breaks my heart. I want to be a better wife and I see that I can’t be on my own.
Anyway, I don’t want to start rambling. I just really appreciate what you have to say.
Hope your day continues to be a great one! :heart:

@Hedgehog I have been on anti-psychotics since 2001 when I was diagnosed. Believe me, meds are a tricky thing. I think I have tried about 65% of them now. As a matter of fact, I just started a new one because my last one gave me a side effect of Elevated C (my muscles were deteriorating into my bloodstream) so my doc and pdoc took me off of it immediately without tapering. Then I was put on Zyprexa again and within two weeks I was pre-diabetic again, so they weened me off and just put me on Latuda. So far, so good with that one! It’s a process and it is not easy and no med is a one-size-fits-all that’s for sure.

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@Reggie If you have time, can you tell me how and when you were diagnosed and what led you to finally start taking meds? You can PM me if you would rather do that. I just think you have an interesting perspective that I like.

No problem @zak, im out right now with friends but will send you a message as soon as i get home a little later tonight.

No prob, tomorrow or whenever you have down time. Have fun tonight! @Reggie

Thanks man. I ended up having a great day today. How’d yours end up turning out?

Back to school shopping for my son. Besides that, I was bored LOL

Bored is good sometimes!! Always better than bad. Ill msg you a little later. Have a good night if i dont talk to you before your offline.

:slight_smile: Sounds good! TTYL

Thank you for sharing, @zak. That sounds so scary. You’re very brave to have pushed through and continued to seek treatment! I hope it goes really well for you! :heart:

Thx @Hedgehog. I’m trying my hardest and I hope the future has great things in store for me instead of sz symptoms :slight_smile: