Tired of trying to figure things out

Always this feeling of problems to solve. I am a great thinker. I just have to look at things from all the angles. I still don’t know what to do with my internal energy. My mind is tired. I saw a ghost in the bedroom two weeks ago. I think of this often though I wonder could it have been just an illusion of the lights and shadows. It hasn’t returned. When I was hospitalized I would sometimes look at a wall or some other thing and get lost. I couldn’t look away as if in a trance. They said I was disassociating from myself. I almost miss those times as I wasn’t thinking at all. My mind rested.

hmm, on the meds, I don’t experience my mind at all

it’s so quiet and out of touch, I wonder if I’m thinking at all

it all seems to be autopilot. Maybe you need to adjust your meds.

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I have no thoughts. Only voices.

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I used to try to learn knowledge, seek, figure out. Lately I just stopped giving a ■■■■. I didn’t see a burning bush or meditate under the tree for 40 days. And I definitely don’t feel enlightened. But I live almost as so now. At times I get off track. But I lost interest in everything that doesn’t interest me. If that makes sense. I do what I want to or have to. Don’t waste time on things that don’t truly interest me.

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There used to be not enough hours in the day. I don’t see a point of meditation im already relaxed from my meds. I don’t wanna meditate so I’m not gonna. I’m good already.

I used to be like “lemme meditate to better myself!” No that’s the wrong way of going about it imo.

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im like that too daze…

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