Saturday marks my three year anniversary of being clean from getting drunk and self harming. I was a major problem drinker, and would get blackout drunk once or twice a week. The problem is that I would cut myself out of self hatred after coming home from the bar. I hated myself, and being actively psychotic didn’t help.
My life has changed dramatically in the last three years. Well, mostly in the last year. For the first two years I wanted to fall back to old habits, but I always just told myself one more day. The next day I told myself I’ll hold out one more day, and then one more and so on.
Last October I started noticing I wasn’t hallucinating as much. By Christmas the only psychotic symptom I had was paranoia. March forward seven months and I have a job!
The great news about it is that I’ve been at my job for two months and not only have I not called in sick once, but I also got a 2 dollar pay raise!
Oh, and I also “graduated” from therapy. Over the last year each week in therapy I’ve had less and less to talk about. My therapist finally said something along the lines of “be free!” Free I am.
I’ve learned a couple of things these past three years, and those are to love yourself and trust in the process and the coping tools you learn.
When I first went to make this thread I initially wanted to say that I’m nowhere near where I want to be, but I realized I’m right where I need to be. I’m in this moment, and I no longer hope that the next will be better. I will enjoy this moment in time.
This thread got a little deep, but I’ll end it by paraphrasing a quote from someone I dont remember. “Depression lives in the past, and anxiety lives in the future.” What worked for me and brought me clairty was accepting the present as it is.
Tl;dr: Three years clean!