I know what I needed now - I needed hope. Pdoc suggested maybe I wanted to kill which was nothing but frustrating to think about because civilization punishes killing. I didn’t need to kill, what I needed was hope.
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Your doctor told you that maybe you wanted to kill? Did he just throw that in there as part of the conversation? Do you have urges to kill and fight?
I like to fight, before I had bad knees I took shotokan and Jiu-Jitsu. Sometimes I would hunt. These things helped me be in touch with my primal side.
I did not want to kill at the time the pdoc mentioned it but I dream of murder.
Your doctor put that idea in your head and now you can’t let go of it?
Right. It’s a waste of my precious time and energy.
Yeah, you should try to find something else to occupy your mind. Do you have any hobbies or something you could lose yourself in?
Yes, but not enough to fill up a whole day. Admittedly, I have a lot of idle time on my hands.
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You know I have a theory for the thoughts of violence or killing thing. You know we as humans have many instincts like animals. We used to have to hunt and kill for food on a regular basis, like everyday. Help from a doc and with medication you may improve but I also think any thoughts of that maybe its an instinctual need maybe you should try being a farmer or butcher for a spell, feel it out. I run a small backyard farm I don’t want to say I envision hurting anyone but when I do get that rage I can go butcher a turkey and not only have meat in my freezer but I have an outlit. If thats a good thing or not Idk I’m not a professional
I started feeling guilty about killing even animals.
Well then I’d say your a decent person it’s not easy even to butcher for food. If you feel guilty then u know the difference between what’s okay and what’s not
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