Hey all. I’m back. Stopped into the clubhouse this morning and checked in with some folks. Left. Bought wine across town. I failed there. Smoking cigarettes again. Got a carton the other day. Just went home. I was all set to be sober again and then I struggled with the thought of going to the store instead of our clubhouse. The n I just did both there. I am in my late 30’s and was a drinker from the age of 14 and went to dual diagnosis treatment in my late 20’s. Never dealt with withdrawal in my 20’s or my 30’s until now. I was drinking wine all day for 4 days and am starting to have physical withdrawal. I have alot of good recovery to fall back on. lot of wisdom I’ve heard here and there whether in rehab or AA but I just can’t do it. I was thinking of stopping by my old friends place to see if he’s still there. Yeah it’s obvious what he was. I just want to get f’d up for a while again. I wanted to see if he could get some mushrooms. God whats wrong with me? I guess that’s a normal thought though I just live with my parents and they want me not to drink. I think they are a little relaxed with stuff like cannabis which we are sandwiched between 2 states where thats legal.
I feel like I would recover from my SZA if it weren’t for what I’m dealing with lately. It’s rough out there right now. That was a girl from the hospital who said that. I need a relationship. I’m sick of missing people.
All that’s all for now.