This is not the result I was expecting

Been off of meds for a few days. Here’s my early observation:

I am less agitated. It might be too early, but if this continues, I’ll be pleasantly surprised. What I mean is I’ve always tended towards the agitated side. But I’m not. In fact, I’m happier, more easy going, less forgetful, and less irritated at the world in general. This is a good thing.

Somewhat tending towards the fearful side. Got hyperaware last night watching teevee, and had to walk away. I was watching a show called “In Treatment,” a show by HBO that chronicles the therapy sessions of five patients with their therapist. The therapist, Paul, began talking to me about my father and how I caused him to commit suicide. I had to turn the teevee off and walk away. Black birds appeared in shadow form from behind the blinds, so I left the room, and went to play Hay Day on my phone and listen to music.

The world is an interesting place for sure.

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Can you revisit any of the meds you took. A lesser of 2 evils type scenario?

Nope. This is my life now. I’m not taking meds for the same reason I don’t drink alcohol: Putting toxins into your body is dumb. I’ve been down those roads. I’ve been on several meds more than once, and they all fail me.

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They might fail to control the positive symptoms, but they’ll probably prevent you becoming psychotic and thinking you can fly and harming yourself .

You have 2 issues, positive symptoms and psychosis, at least you can prevent one.

Just as a matter of interest, what was wrong with abilify? (I’m on abilify) That’s supposed to have the least metabolic impact, and that’s obviously a concern to you.

Don’t read into the coincidence of the med you suggested as being the worst medication I was ever on. I got akathisia, couldn’t sleep, hallucinated music, and became deeper-than-the-abyss suicidal. Ugh, never again.

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Well, take some time to recover psychologically from the adverse reaction you had to the last AP. I had an adverse reaction to a med for something else not schizophrenia related, and it spooked me really badly.

Then at least consider that you need protection from psychosis, even if something doesn’t control your positive symptoms.

Is it possible to use haldol for emergencies and another AP full time?

You’ve got to keep fighting.

I assume you were on meds because someone diagnosed you as sz from symptoms you were having, right? So what were your symptoms and how often were you having them?

Wow, that’s gonna be a long answer. I’ve been diagnosed for 22 years - going back to age 12. I started out hearing voices. I also had visuals and paranoia galore. I had neuropsych testing when I was 14 and it showed poor executive functioning. I was in remission for 8 years, and then my symptoms came roaring back with a vengeance.

Meds sometimes shut the voices and paranoia down. I had a good response to a few, but it took VERY high dosages (think 80 mg of Haldol a day). At that dose it worked, but as I’m sure you’ll understand, the side effects were way too intense. I’m not great at responding to meds I

I’m on my phone right now, so I may not have covered anything. Feel free to follow up with questions if needed.

I don’t take meds, so I understand the choice. But, I hope you will bolster yourself in other ways. I am riddled with symptoms that I have to carefully manage every day. I’m glad you walked away from the tv. I sincerely hope you’re in therapy (CBT is the most effective in my experience) and that you will not passively “see what happens now”. Please be careful and take good care of yourself, @alien99 :heart:

How is today going @alien99?

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Much better, thank you for asking. Back on meds. Seroquel 400 mg/day.

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For now. The next results may not be as enjoyable.



Hey @MrSquirrel, check out my latest post in this thread. I’m back on meds after all. Pdoc getting kinda creative. Seroquel every day, and Haldol PRN.