I haven’t seen my psychiatrist for a good few weeks but I think she thinks I am faking my illness, that there is nothing wrong with me and I have that Munchhausen’s thing. I so feel sick and anxious about it, I am so afraid that her and other people think I am a liar and a fake, and that I am a really awful person, I can’t deal with this sh*t any more, I’m really losing it, I keep falling into this pit of fear and despair and it’s like being in hell, it’s physically and mentally hell. I’m not getting any better, it’s been since mid Nov and if anything it’s getting worse. The worst part is I’m visiting my parents so I’m 200 miles from home. I hate this illness so much 
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It is a hell hole
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She doesn’t think you’re faking it.
You have to feed this back to your psychiatrist.
Sorry you’re going through such a rough time.
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Have you given time for medication to work
Ok, I need to explain why I’m sure she thinks I’m faking it. Last time I saw her I was so depressed I cried constantly and spoke very little, but at one point she mentioned AD’s but the risks attached, and I looked up and explained about how I’d gone really manic/psychotic on amitriptyline and knew it was a tryiclic, so that looks like I was overly interested in medication and had been faking all the way through but let my guard down when meds were mentioned just like someone with Munchausen’s might do, so that is why I am convinced this is what she is thinking. I do kinda want to ask her but I’m so scared she confirms my fear 
I’m trying to tell myself it’s not true but I keep reliving this particular moment and I just can’t shake the thought.
Yeah it’s been weeks since it was increased, I’m taking it properly but it’s not working
If you don’t have it you have nothing to worry about
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Psychiatrists are well used to “informed patients”. Especially in the google age.
I can guarantee you that she doesn’t think that you’re faking it.
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Thanks. That’s a good point @everhopeful
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It can take months
Have you tried any alternative medication yet
I’m sure you psychiatrist wants you well she will not judge you
I would confide in her
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@Turquoise I spent 5 years at med school and even though i didn’t graduate I know lots of qualified doctors socially. Many of whom are consultant psychiatrists.
Please believe me when I tell you if they thought you were malingering or faking or anything like that they would tell you without hesitation.
Resources are vastly overstretched so if they thought you were being manipulated they would kick you off their list instantly.
You are still taking meds right. They don’t prescribe these meds lightly - they are hardcore meds.
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Thanks Jimbob. Really appreciate you explaining that, helps me try to be more rational about this.
I think you guys are right, I’m going to have to call and talk to her, or my CPN on Monday. I just need to try and keep going until then. This state I get into is horrible, I know you all understand the fear. Have just washed my face with cold water and poured myself a pint of iced water, trying to stay calm.
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When I was psychotic, I used to be paranoid that my pdoc and nurses thought I was faking too. This is a very common delusion.
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