Schizophrenia.com

This dance is one step forward and back

#1

I don’t know if I’m doing this dance right… cha cha cha…

I do NOT like what has been happening between my Mom and my Sis. I was telling my other brother about how angry this is making me. My sis is still a lighthouse. (Not the shining and welcoming light sort of lighthouse, but the stoic lonely lighthouse out in the middle of nowhere.)

My brother said this is by no way the first power struggle between Mom and the Sis and to him, this is business as normal. He called it “Clash of the Redheads”

He told me how this will play out and it’s going to be Mom who looses. I was amazed by his prediction and he was saying… “J, you’ve sort of been living in your head when stuff like this happens, you haven’t really been lucid enough to notice. It’s Ok, but It’s just how it is… Just hang in the side lines like you did when you lived in your head… don’t get involved.”

But I’m not living in my head now. So I consider that one step forward. But I WANT to get involved and I want to help my sis defy my Mom and let the sis go see the other brother in hospital on her own terms… that feels like one step back.

Not living in my head… move forward two spaces
Engaging in my previous parental and defiant mind set… move two space’s back.

LIfe is so easy in my head. Scary, disturbing, but somehow, easier. I hate feeling like I always have so much to learn. When will I catch up?

#2

Perhaps life is one big cha cha :smile:

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#3

I’m a little angry at myself too. I feel like now that I really have been waking up, not living in my head all the time… so much has gone on with out me. But I’ve been here. I’ve been right here, but not really. It’s sort of hitting me how much I’ve missed.

I’m trying to catch up, but it always feels like I’m behind.
I can’t wait until I learn this dance. :dancers:

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#4

So yeah, I had this picture that I totally thought I had saved because it was epic, but apparently I did not and I cannot find it. Anyways it goes:

Putting two red heads in the same room is like putting to betas in the same bowl. Not good. Not good at all.

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