I said I wanted this.... but when I got it

For two years I have tried to get the kid sis to agree to a co-therapy with me. We have a huge history to sort out. She holds huge pieces of my puzzle. For two years she has said no, she’s not up for it. Last month or so I hounded again and she said OK.

So finally we had our fist session yesterday. We didn’t even get into much and she only relayed one small story that I already well knew about… and already I’m wishing I didn’t do this.
(she talked about the time when she was 7 and I was so ill that she was sent away to live with our aunt. Our cousin talked her/ helped her into putting an ad in the paper looking for new parents.)

I don’t know… would this be healthy to keep going or should I stop now? She says if I want to stop she would support it. But I keep thinking the more I know the better off I might be.

She says rehashing the past fixes nothing and if we would like to talk about how to move forward she would be up for that. (the dynamic we’re facing now.) She wants more of a CBT sort of thing.

I said I wanted this, now that I’ve got it… I’m not sure I can do this. I think about ALL the help I have getting through my day. There is a lot of it. My sis gets nothing. I have no idea how she isn’t jealous or resentful.

Maybe she’s just accepted what I’m starting to see… our parents wanted another boy and they don’t like her after all. Or because she’s NOT SZ, she doesn’t need any help or care. I think I’m the only one on this kid’s side.

I don’t know yet. Maybe I’ll stick it out… maybe I’ll chicken out.

I think that, with any therapy, there is going to be some discomfort. Even on an individual basis. So that might not go away immediately.

And just like with individual therapy, rehashing the past can do more harm than good sometimes. If you choose to continue, you both should focus on moving forward as much as possible.

Just make sure to communicate with each other about how you’re feeling with the therapy. And definitely communicate with your therapist, so he or she can modify their approach to move forward with positivity.

I think there’s a lot of positive potential in co-therapy.



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There is a saying: Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.

Teasing aside… There is validity in rehashing the past if there is something that can be learned from it. I’m not to sure that discussing things that were out of anybodies control is going to help you right now. As Anthony says: focus on moving forward. I would worry that feelings of guilt or shame may get in the way of your recovery. You already carry so much guilt over things that were beyond your control. If you can hear what may come out without allowing it to bring you down than that is one thing but if it’s going to increase your guilt then maybe now is not the time. Only you can decide if you can handle this or not.

As for sis… I think perhaps you both may need some reassuring that just because she was not a boy or not sz that she is not as important. I think your parents do love her just circumstances got in the way. My son may require my attention more right now but I love my daughter just as much as my son. Finding that balance is not easy.

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It sounds like you are trying to accommodate to each other’s idea. Could u take in her suggestions just like she did? So that both of u make decisions together? I think she values help to resolve the current stuff, and find the past history not a pressing need.

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After reading your post, and your whole history of posts I tend to agree.

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Watch out for memory-induced delusions!

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When seeing a therapist its good to bring people in and out that you talk about a lot. Such as now the therapist can understand better the dynamics of your relationship with your sister. Also, some people are just not good at talking about their feelings. Or maybe she doesn’t want to discuss her feelings with family members. But its good she cares about you.

i think it is good to think about the past , learn lessons from the past, grow wise from the past, then leave it alone and set it free.
i do not forget the past, but i get up every morning and breath the fresh air of today not the stale air of yesterday.
your kid sis is smart, if she needs help or to talk she will but in her own time.
take care

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I think that perhaps on the premise that you live together and function together, co-therapy may be appropriate. Talking about the past is usually what therapists do at first. All of mine have. They usually find out if there was trauma and how it affects you presently.

But therapy is rather like opening wounds back up. It can be unpleasant because it’s about what is wrong with the patients, not what is good. I would give it a few more chances and maybe try to direct the conversation if the topic is pointless for you. My shrink usually lets me address what to talk about during each session, save for the first few where he immediately asked me a bunch of questions.

You said that you have a huge history to sort out- so maybe sort out the parts that are important. I think it is best to decide what to talk with the therapist about beforehand. That’s what I do. I have gone to seeing mine once every two weeks because I am doing too well for weekly sessions. We just realize that I am doing well and have come to conclusions about my issues.