I’m really scared. I’m starting to question whether or not I should do this to myself. College has put RIDICULOUS amounts of pressure and stress on me and it’s highly exacerbating all of my symptoms. My episodes get worse and worse. And this is just sophomore year, junior year is gonna be even harder, and then senior year I have to deal with the stress of grad school applications and then when I get into grad school I’m basically repeating all of college but harder, and then I have to do a postdoc and it just goes on and on.
I do have a dream to be a scientist and run my own lab. That’s what I want to do!! But as of now it is NOT helping my mental health, I feel like I’m declining, or maybe just becoming painfully aware of just how much it interferes with everything.
I just don’t know what to do. Do I put myself through years of intense emotional pain and episodes to achieve my dream, or do I go for an easy, low stress job that spares my mental/emotional health but wouldn’t make me feel fulfilled? Agh.