They keep telling me that if I don’t go they are all going to die. My friends and family. Sometimes they yell at me and call me selfish for staying, other times they say it more soothingly and say that I should leave or they will die. But now they are telling me that everybody will die and it will be really bloody and gory. They are showing me pictures and images in my mind of my friends and family dead. And their is so much blood in the pictures. It’s really scaring me. I’m trying to stay in class, and not go down to Focus but we’ll see how it goes.
I’m supposed to have my first meeting with a therapist sometime soon. I was told it might be this week but I don’t know because it’s already Thursday and I haven’t heard anything else about it.
I also have winter break starting tomorrow and I’m kind of worried, because it’s around two weeks. I think that’s what it is. But two weeks of me being at home and not being able to go to school and be able to really see and talk to my friends. And the pictures that they show me are really getting at me.
My friend was really close to her friend’s aunt and the aunt had died a couple month’s ago and my other friend’s grandpa had died too. That wasn’t too long ago. A month at the most I think. I never met them in person but both deaths really affected my friends.
I can’t imagine how terrifying it would be to have to look at mental frames of your loved ones dead or suffering in any way. I think that they’re really desperate, because they want to seclude you and control you…don’t listen to them! Don’t allow them to sway your mood or feelings just try to focus like a laser beam and cut through their attempts.
Keep trying, I’d never wish this illness on anyone that’s for sure. It’s just creepy and tiring.
Maybe you could go in for a little in-patient treatment over the school break. It sounds like you’re drifting into an alternate world. You might ask for it if you feel that you need it.
Maybe this is your mind’s way of wanting to protect your friends from death…the beliefs give you power over the situation…no more people will die if you run away.
Why would the beliefs focus on you running away? Could be rooted in a desire to escape your life. Could be based in guilt, maybe you don’t feel you’ve been a good friend.
Thinking like this I find helps keep one closer to reality. Hang in there!! And I do think an inpatient stay would be good for you but I understand you have to battle your parents over all this. I am just glad they’re letting you see a therapist. Maybe your therapist will talk them into letting you do inpatient.
Hey girl. Sorry you’re having to deal with all of this. You’re a good person and a good friend. Running away will not prevent anyone from dying. People die sometimes, and if something bad is going to happen, it will happen regardless of whether you’re around or not. Remember, if things get too bad, you can always pick up the phone and dial 911. They’re always an option for you.
@Daze I realize your concern and that you don’t want me put into conditions such as the ones you explained but if I am drifting into an ‘alternate reality’ then it very well could be best if I did go into a hospital to stop myself from drifting further and further away from the true reality.
@Anna I think I will try to look into why I am possibly experiencing this. I don’t know if I will get anywhere though I have troubles understanding a lot of emotions and, Um I don’t know how to word it. Just understanding a lot of myself and why I do certain things and what some of my emotions are but I can try.
I’m also glad that they are letting me see a therapist I really do hope that helps. I wish I were brave enough to continue to ask for the hospital but I’m too afraid to push it. I know that the therapist will get me an appointment with the doctor, which is another good thing it will just take a couple weeks after I first meet with the therapist.
@Ninjastar Yeah, running away won’t make them live or die. I don’t do that. I don’t cause bad things when I’m around people. Right? I’m just a human that can’t do anything extraordinary, I don’t and can’t cause bad things by just being around people. The Shadows are just liars. Isn’t that all that they do is lie? They only lie to make me feel alone. Isn’t that how it goes?
I will keep that number in mind, that will always be an option. I always have that option. Unless I don’t have access to a phone but if that happens I have the option to find a phone and then I have the option of calling 911. So in a more round a bout way I do always have that option.
I do not believe that it always leads to alcohol and drug abuse. Yes there is a higher chance that someone on medication will abuse drugs but I don’t believe everybody will. I promise this to you that if I do end up on medication at any point in my life I will make sure to only take what is prescribed to me and how much is prescribed I also won’t change it unless I first talk to my doctor and get his/her permission first. Daze I really do appreciate your concern. I hope that came out right.
I wasn’t able to examine and study things at 14 either. In fact I didn’t have the slightest awareness I was ill at 14 despite my symptoms ramping up. So you’re already doing really well. I didn’t have the courage to stand up to my parents and go to therapy until I was 18. I couldn’t even tell my parents the extent of my issues until I was 20.
@Daze I hope I do and I’ll try my best to make sure I do.
@Anna Phew I’m glad I’m not the only one that can’t seem to understand things either.
I’m glad that you did stand up to your parents even if it took you a while it’s still good that you did.
i wouldnt like you to be in a hospital at your age especially over xmas or new year,
i really hate the thought of young children being mentally ill and suffering, i just wish they could have happy childhoods, why are you getting these symptoms? is there anything triggering it? maybe thats what your parents think that something is feeding it
Yeah I don’t really want to go but if I have to then I will go.
I really don’t know why I am getting these symptoms. I’ve been seeing hallucinations for just over a year now, and really that’s all I know other than the fact of what they look like, and what they say to me.