My 16 y.o. daughter is in therapy due to depression and anxiety. She’s very closed off socially. Doesn’t leave the house, doesn’t hang with friends, etc. No social media accounts, doesn’t text or message on her phone, etc. Isolated. We waited some time for a therapist and finally got one about three months ago.
The therapist she’s seeing keeps insisting that my daughter doesn’t talk during their sessions. She started insisting on in-person sessions in the hopes it would help. At the last session, my daughter mentioned that the therapist cut their time short, again claiming my daughter wasn’t talking. My daughter said she was talking about school, but the therapist wasn’t interested.
It seems to me that if you can get a teen to talk at all, especially an anxious and shy teen, you’re making progress. I don’t understand why it’s such an issue for my daughter to warm up in her own time and not broach major issues right away. The few times I’ve been to therapy, no one stopped me from talking about inconsequential things and insisted I get to the root of all that ails me. My daughter insists she was talking… just not about what the therapist wanted.
To me, she’s coming off as a cruddy therapist who doesn’t understand teens, anxiety, and best approaches. I requested a new therapist since she’d threatened my daughter with a new one anyways. I want to talk to the new person first, though.
Am I wrong in thinking she’s taking the wrong approach? I just feel like she’s not fostering a natural relationship and is trying to rush things that may take time.
I will say, though, that over time its important for a therapist to steer sessions away from more light topics and into therapy work when a client is clearly avoiding the big stuff. I had bad therapists who knew I was majorly ailing and needed the serious work, but they just let me ramble on about minor things the whole time.
Absolutely nothing wrong with the getting to know you phase, or with a couple minutes of session time doing a check in. Thats important to see how what ails you is affecting your life today. And as you say, getting a teen to open up takes time- understandable. But over time, yes I do believe a good therapist spends most of the time they’re getting richly paid for working on actual issues.
I agree, @anon39736208. The current therapist pushed her to magically open up from Day 1, never even gave her a chance to be comfortable. But if never directed, my daughter will start to get silly. She needs that time to get more comfortable with a person before they push, though.
We did find a new therapist. She has much more experience with teens, and I’m hoping that will help.
Starlet burned through 7 or 8 therapists in the first year we had him. When we finally got in with our current one, it was a total game changer. So much growth and healing. I think the strategies that help most kids don’t necessarily work for those who have major life experiences.
All I have to say is that most therapists are incompetent and don’t really care about their clients.
With that said there are a few really good and caring therapists.
It’s just a matter of shopping around to find someone who is the right fit.
I finally found a really empathetic and professional therapist.