The worst thing

Schizophrenia is the worst thing that could have happened to me and it did. Its the worst possible illness. I mean it doesnt kill you but it takes everything away that you hold dear.

I am an empty shell of who i used to be. I dont understand how i have to take a substance everyday that perturbs my mental state or else i just come apart. Im held together by these pills.

Theres no way out. Ive looked into shamanism, occultism, religion, havent really tried psychadelics yet but i dont think ive managed to figure anything out. This is hopeless.

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I feel you on this. I am the same.

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Hey, I work a 9 to 5 job, 5 days a week and can manage well enough with these anti-psychotic medication. I have been working for 8 months now keeping the same workday routine.

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Yeah i work three different jobs. I still dont feel right

That’s outstanding. I love these success stories.

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I cant positive think my way out of this. I need real results

I chose to go out, find something beautiful, and share it. That was my positive thought this evening.

One thing at a time. And then the next thing.

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That’s good, but we’re all at different stages of the recovery journey. I hope someday to be like you and be normal but I honestly don’t know if that’s in the cards for me. It is hard for me to want to do anything. I hope when they put me on wellbutrin i’ll be motivated and get pleasure from things again, but for now doing “the next thing” holds no real interest for me. Almost nothing does

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When you say you still don’t feel right, what is it exactly that bothers you the most?

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I’m as unhappy as the next guy but I have just enough peace and I have just enough good things happen to me to keep me going. If I do the basics and just put one foot in front of the other I’m going to have good days occasionally. I know I can’t force myself to be happy, it just happens. My own form of happiness. If I try to force myself to have a good day it will never happen but if I let it happen naturally it’s bound to happen.

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Keep it in your heart and in your mind that things can get better. If your med’s are bringing you down, and you have taken them as prescribed, maybe you can talk to your pdoc about getting on another medication. Keep your head up. Try not to lose hope.

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I try to know things in a new way since I’ve lost my wholeness and perception. Helen Keller learned to know things in her own way.

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Mostly that theres no coming back from this. That its some innate problem that causes all these strange perceptions. That i cant heal from it. And thrn on top of that the solution is a pill that bloats me into an amorphous beast.

Imagine an illness where you cant have hopes and dreams. Theres another post on here where people had to discard thier hopes and dreams. So sad. Even prisoners of war have hopes and dreams.

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Here I was 19 years old and never had psychosis but chronic anxiety and trauma disorders I was self medicating with lsd. The first 8 times were beneficial to my health. Then 9th time. Bam💥 4 children (they were 17 years old) and later 5 more came, well they break into my house and start ■■■■■■■ with me throwing knives at me near the wall and stealing from me and trashing my house. This was what was at the start of my psychosis.

I know you said you haven’t experienced psychedelics but your story inspired me to tell mine.

I could only say “what if”

More psychedelics is just going to make the problem worse.

Regardless of how beneficial it was before the incident.

That’s just the nature of psychosis in general.

Once you become a pickle you can’t become a cucumber again. There’s no reversing the process…. Sux.

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I’m 52 now, and feel that schizophrenia has saved me from my “hopes and dreams”.

I never wanted to get married and have kids. If I didn’t have schizophrenia I probably would have sleep walked into doing exactly that.

I was diagnosed late in life at around 38/39 and I can tell you that there’s a lot of other factors that can stop you from achieving your hopes and dreams.

My stage is what happens when you keep taking that next step (for 25 years in my case). Enough steps and you’re a long ways along on the journey. If you don’t or won’t take those steps… Better get used to being stuck where you are. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

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I’m happy and have been for a long time. And that is because that hole in my heart is filled up with the Right Person.

Thanks for the guidance

Not trying to make anyone feel bad. Problem is that we all share a relentless illness. The people who are “recovered” or at least improved, they’ve done it by being relentless themselves. Recovery is something you have to chase after, not something you wait for.

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Yeah man, it’s taking its time. I’ve made a lot of progress in the past 3 months since I started posting here and being open about my symptoms, but I have to rewire my brain and it is taking what seems like an eternity. Every day is a fight and I am exhausted. I’ll be totally at peace and then I’ll be thrown back into chaos. I’m hoping that one day I’ll be like you and be successful, but I don’t know. Cognitive decline is taking its toll and I’m a much more boring person now than I was before this disease hit, which means that even if I do stabilize I probably wouldn’t make too many friends. I have friends now, though, so who knows. I’m just kind of depressed. Again, when I get put on wellbutrin this month maybe that will help. I appreciate the advice though. I think most people here want to be well and are trying, it’s just that fighting a war with your mind is kind of exhausting, especially when that war never stops.

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