Worst delusion was that I was in Purgatory being tested for whether I’d end up in hell or heaven… I thought I had already died in my sleep and woke up without knowing in Purgatory.
What was awful about this is I kept trying to repent and unload on others all the evil things I’ve ever done or thought about doing, and in my confused state I thought I had done some things I hadn’t ever done. So I basically committed reputational suicide. Alienated all my old friends and my family, ended up homeless, then in jail in solitary confinement without medication.
Very glad I found a good doctor and the right meds after getting released, now I don’t worry about things like that. I see a good amount of schizophrenics on the streets here in Oakland that make me realize how fortunate I am to be housed and medicated.
Haven’t been delusional for a long time, but that would likely end if I went off my Zyprexa.
I thought people were trying to get me to commit suicide. I bought a .22 auto handgun. My reasoning was that when they saw I wasn’t going to commit suicide they would send someone after me. I wasn’t going to walk into a crowded place and open up with my gun, but if someone had walked up behind me on a dark night I might have turned around and shot them. I took off to Texas, but I came back the next day.
Yeah it was bad got hospitalized two times after I got back. It has got a lot better. Thank god for clonazepam it’s kept me from getting hospitalized more times than I can count.
@AmericanDollar that sounds like quite a road trip. So what made you come back? Did you start to question your delusions, or did you just want to come home?
I guess my worst delusion I ever had was that I was being forced out of town by “the forces that be”, I think I may have thought it was the Illuminati at the time, I don’t remember. Anyway, I thought people could be controlled by others and I couldn’t trust my family. I thought that I saw signs that I needed to travel to Mecca. By this point I had lost my vehicles due to psychosis and my bike currently had a flat, so I took off on foot for the east coast where I thought that I would be able to find transport off the continent. I think that I was thinking by boat. I had zero money at the time so I just had to hope that “God will provide me a way”. I just was going to head east towards Mecca and the east coast. I set off from Iowa and made my way all the way to ohio over the course off about a week and a half?(not sure of how long). I either walked or got rides from strangers. I had multiple people give me money along the way that kept me fed and whatnot. Anyway, the police picked me up in ohio for traveling on a interstate highway on foot or something and ended up putting me in the hospital. I stayed in the hospital for over a month before a judge decided to inject me with Invega, which eventually brought me out of my delusions.
well, mainly i just knew i couldn’t make it down in south America with no help, if i had had more money, id probably be living in peru right now, and my family would think i died in a kayaking accident. i didn’t really become convinced it was a delusion until 6 months ago when i realized the mediation actually helped the voices, and that none of my theories on how to help mind control and deprogram myself were successful, which is what spurred me to initially take my mediation
It started about 19 years ago. My sister took my three year old out with her shopping, which was unusual. I never, ever got a break from her. And my one year old was sleeping. It was quiet, too quiet. I was standing out back having a smoke and I realized the reason why it was so quiet is because my son was dead. That’s the reason why he was never any trouble at all. My son was born and something went wrong, I tried telling them something was wrong but they wouldn’t listen. When they cut the cord he turned blue and he all of a sudden had about 10 doctors and nurses on him trying to figure out what was wrong. I thought he didn’t make it. I thought I never brought him home and had been imagining him. I thought everyone was going along with it so I didn’t lose my ■■■■. This went on for many years. I cared for my son, I loved my son but it was always in the back of my mind. And other people, I swear to you always treated him like an after thought. This only fueled my delusion. I would say this flared up off and on for a good 10 years.
if your mediation makes you better then how could it be mind control. just sorta keep that in mind its what helps me the most with the mind control thing. I used to think the psychedelics and drugs were the cure for mind control. when I started trying some of these drugs and they made the voices I was experiencing worse. This was my first clue.
I get delusions stronger than hallucinations (but I still have some voices) so it’s hard to narrow it down to one. One time I was convinced that cars were following me to run me over and kill me because I did something wrong. At the time I walked to get everywhere in a busy city so It was very scary.