I can only tell you from my last episode. My episode started with warning, but i didnt recognize, ok, before i wasn’t get along with this guy, he was insulting me a lot, due to my zombi looking eyes, so basically i was drinking in the mean time, and one day those insulting words were keep popping into my mind constantly and i was having nervousness and anger. I couldn’t think anything else, i was keep on remembering those words, a day latter i start having thoughts that he may have poisoned me, the next day i had full blown delusion with false memories that i deeply believe that he has poisoned me.
For me… Sometimes I get a personal earthquake, or a sharp and sudden sensitivity to light or noise.
I was in a fire when I was 14 so I smell fire and those scars start to burn again I know it’s going to be a night of hallucinations. I sit in the bath and close my eyes and just try and relax.
If I start to feel this out of control panic and I hear my head say the word Kidnapper… Then I know where I am.
Not to long ago, my sis was going to walk to the corner store for me at 10: p.m and I was getting really upset and freaked out about something. She said she could go get want I needed and be back. I’m holing onto her arm and I’m really afraid to let her walk out that door. I couldn’t let her leave. I’m really starting to lose it. There was no way I could let her open the door.
When she asked why I told her… “it’s because the Kidnappers are out there.” as soon as I said it I knew exactly were I was. So did she. So I was able to sit down and breathe and talk it out and calm down and remember my meds and get my head back.
I can only presume that by the time I start to clam up and let all those little thoughts turn into accusations that cause the people around me to get that “look” on their face and start whispering behind my back…then perhaps it’s past the start of an episode.
when i am in town and some one is looking at me innocently and i want to take their head off, subtle signs like that…
it used to b when the voices got really bad. they would introduce new delusions and i would fall for it but not now. now i just try to ignore their provocation because without them there are only images and that’s ok too. i don’t know when my next episode will b but i’ll deal with when the time comes, from experience i think.
This last time before an episode i start hearing voices more telling me people are out to hurt me, then i starting smelling bug spray. Usually it’s after my partner tells me i’m hallucinating the smells or voices do i know for sure that i’m having an episode.